


Code Omega

by HobNobsandTea, TellMeAMarvelousStory, TheBlackadder (mercilessraven), theblackadder



Series: Radioactive Heartaches [2]
Category: Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Domestic Violence, F/M, Fertility Issues, Homecoming, Kidnapping, Pregnancy, Revenge, Stalking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-19 09:43:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 86,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3605481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HobNobsandTea/pseuds/HobNobsandTea, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TellMeAMarvelousStory/pseuds/TellMeAMarvelousStory, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercilessraven/pseuds/TheBlackadder, https://archiveofourown.org/users/theblackadder/pseuds/theblackadder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The second installment in the series "Radioactive Hearts". Tom is overwhelmed with joy when you return from after a year working in Africa. Even more overcome that you've finally had a change of heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Written By: Kaiti Courts, Marian K. Welty (TheBlackadder)

The Scenario: Tom Hiddleston/Real Time/London

 

(Part 2 in the series “Radioactive Hearts”)

You've just returned to London after a year in central Africa doing work with Doctors Without Borders, and found Tom waiting for you. You left in the first place for many reasons, but now you're all done running, and Tom wants to be the one to catch you.

Devouring your lips, Tom stumbles slightly causing the two of you to fall onto the bed still wrapped in each other’s arms. The kiss pauses a moment as he looks down into your eyes to make sure he didn’t hurt you. However your hands slid into his hair and you pulled him back into a longing kiss arching your back pressing your breasts against his chest.

At once, your hands go from groping each other to desperately clawing at the clothing that kept you from each other. You unbutton his jacket and push it over his shoulders, before your lips come together again almost as if they’re magnetic and couldn’t be apart.

Your hands reached down between you pulling off his belt and undoing his button and zipper sliding your hand down into his boxers wrapping your hand around his already semi hard member as you begin stroking him anxiously. Tom gasps moaning against your lips at the sensation as his hand fumbles with the buttons of your blouse which were being incredibly difficult and wouldn’t come loose.

In a fit of frustration he takes your blouse and rips it open, they popped off and fell to the floor exposing your soft pink flesh and your lace purple bra. He looks down admiring your beautiful cleavage, even more lovely then he remembers. He kisses you once more before dipping his head down and kissing the soft warm orbs of flesh that heaved against the lace bra with each labored breath. Hardly able to breathe your hands slid into his red hair having missed the feel of him, all of him against you.

He’d been working out relentlessly for his newest project and his body was firm, muscular, and very strong. His kisses continued down your body, over your belly and to your abdomen. He paused long enough to unzip your jeans as he instantly pulled your undies and pants off with one swift move throwing them to the ground as he quickly removed his shirt and undershirt. He lay over you once more wrapping his arms around you consuming your mouth eagerly, as your hands rest on his shoulders and your thigh wraps around his hip pulling him against you clinging desperately to his form.

Tom’s hands cup your face, your bodies rubbing anxiously against one another hardly able to contain your excitement. “I’ve missed you.” He says breathlessly against your lips, “God, how I’ve missed you.” His solid hard member rubs against your sex finding you already extremely wet and quivering in anticipation. With one easy stroke he fills you completely causing you both to freeze in place, your eyes closed, your bodies tensed at the sensation as you cling to one another. Tingles of pure pleasure and elation travel through your bodies like electric shocks. Tom withdrawals to the tip before thrusting into you completely again, then again, then again causing you to cry out in ecstasy at the sensation. You’d forgotten how large he was, and you could feel him stretch you with each stroke. Your back begins to arch and bow meeting his movement, opening your thighs laying them flat against the bed to give him better access. .

His thrusts become a bit faster and stronger with purpose and it isn’t long before the two of you feel the orgasm rising deep within the core of your body. Movement a bit harder and faster in time with one another you suffer an Earth shattering climax together, screaming out your pleasures as your bodies writhe uncontrollably, nearly convulsing against each other in the aftershocks. As it subsides, your both overcome with a feeling of bliss and peace that floods your bodies. Clinging to each other as he rests his forehead against yours holding you tight in his arms as you both gasp for air. After a few moments you grin against one another’s faces, nuzzling slightly before you begin to kiss again.

There was so much time to make up for, so many things to say to each other, and you were just getting started.

You woke the next morning, confused before you even opened your eyes. This was not your hard cot you were used to. Then you realized the pair of strong arms wrapped around you. It took a moment to remember where you were again. And you smiled. You felt Tom's muscular chest pressed against your back, his breath light against the back of your neck. You made a move to slide out of bed quietly to brush your teeth and make coffee, but were suddenly stopped. Tom tightened his arms around you and moaned out, "No. Don't leave." You breathed a short laugh and whispered back, "I'm just going to make coffee, I promise."

He squeezed you tightly again before letting you go, and you slid from between the covers to put a shirt on. Your legs ached, and you were sore all over from last night. You loved him, but Tom could really put you through the physical wringer during sex. And last night was no exception. You winced at the tenderness you felt at sliding on a fresh pair of undies, and Tom snapped his head up. "Are you all right? What's the matter?" "I'm fine, sweetheart. Just...a little sore, that's all," you admit. Tom grinned with the least bit of pride possible. You narrowed your eyes and smiled yourself before bending over and throwing his own shirt at him, and calling to him, "Cheeky."

You slid out of the bedroom and into the warm kitchen, remembering where you tucked everything away before you left. To your surprise, there was a new bag of your favorite coffee waiting to be used. You turned around with it as you heard Tom pad through the living room and hold it up. "Is this your doing?" you ask him. "Of course. I wanted you to have all your favorite things when you got back. I knew you'd start there," he admits. You're in disbelief. What else had he done while you were away? As he walks closer to you, you see the coffee down and wrap your arms around his neck. You pull him close for a deep kiss, and he returns it. Every doubt you'd had about him wavering over the last year is gone from you. Every one. As the kiss breaks gently, you say to him, "You absolutely egregious man, you."

“Yes, completely incorrigible, I know.” He says with a grin and a wink. You kiss his nose before turning around and starting to fix the coffee in the coffee pot. Tom wraps his hands around your waist his body melding against the back of yours as he kisses your cheek, then your shoulder, his arms wrapping around you holding you even tighter as he nuzzles your ear breathing in the scent of your hair.

You giggle feeling him a bit firm against your backside as you reach over filling the coffee pot and putting the water in the machine. Tom moves your hair aside and kisses your shoulder, then trails kisses along the back of your neck. Switching to the other side kissing every inch he could reach. It tickles and you close the lid flipping the coffee pot on giggling a bit more. “Jeez Tom.” You say with a grin his body rubs against your almost involuntarily. “Who sprinkled you with horny dust?”

He smiles and turns you around wrapping his arms around your waist pulling you against him. “I think it’s safe to say that it as your doing darling.” Sliding his fingers into your hair he pulls you into a deep kiss leaning you back slightly in his arms nearly sweeping you off your feet completely, your hands holding tight to his shoulders so he doesn’t drop you.

Tom slides a hand down your back and around your bum and the back of your thigh, pulling it up at the back of your knee. You wrap your leg around him, and feel his growing hardness. He pulls you closer to him, moaning, and you roll your hips toward him. He breaks the kiss and bites your neck in response. You feel the intense heat pooling in between your legs, and Tom grows harder. He looses his grip under your knee and reaches underneath your thigh still wrapped around him. Your remaining knee buckles as he slides a long finger into your folds.

"Apparently I'm not the only one sprinkled with horny dust, darling," he growls in your ear. You're soaking wet. All you can do in response is moan and try to remember to breathe. It had been so long since you had felt like this, so long since you had been touched like this. It was all you had wanted for the last year.

Tom slides his finger out of you and reaches for his member, harder than ever. He teases your entrance gently and you almost scream. "Tom, don't, please..."

"Don't what, my pet? Tell me."

You struggle to find any words, but it's becoming harder and harder to string them together. You gasp for air as he continues to tease you. "Oh, do you mean this? Hmm, I rather like it....but if you insist.."

And with that, Tom slides himself into you, filling every crevice of you. You throw your head back and keen, digging your nails into his shoulders. He starts rutting against you, banging your lower back against the edge of the countertop. You start moving against him, matching his thrusts. Tom moans against your shoulder as his thrusts become more and more erratic. Your own thrusts become more desperate as you climb higher and higher to your own climax. Tom brushed his lips in the spot behind your ear, and licks it. It's all you need to come undone. You almost scream as you pulse around him, milking his cock and feeling him paint your walls with his own release.

You both start to catch your breath as you come down from the high, still holding each other. He reaches up and brushes a lock of your hair out of your eyes and pulls you to his lips. He kisses you deeply and you return it. You rest your foreheads against each other and breathe deeply. You start to smile as Tom massages the back of your neck with his hand. "I missed you so much, you have no idea, ducky," you happily confess.

Tom laughs and whispers in your ear, "Oh, I have a feeling I do know, my darling."

That afternoon, somehow you managed to get yourselves through the shower. Using each other to soap one another up and wash of course, then somehow managed to get into clothes, and decided to come out for lunch otherwise you were going to stay in your flat and possibly starve to death.

You ate in silence, your feet playing footsie back and forth underneath the table. You grin eating your pasta as Tom’s eyes remained on you and he had yet to take them off. “Do I have something on my face?” You ask finally.

He grins, “No. I just . . . you’re so much more beautiful in person then on a jittering skype screen.” You roll your eyes slightly and giggle taking a drink of your tea. “You know, it’s getting late. We should be getting back.”

“The sun is still up and we’ve been out for less than an hour. Pace yourself dear.” You stick your tongue out him playfully. “Besides, I need to go shopping. There’s not a crumb of food in my place aside from coffee. Although I’ve done it before, I’m not ready to live solely off of coffee again anytime soon.”

Tom sticks his lip out in a slight pout causing you to laugh. “Okay . . . but then we really need to be getting back.” He says giving you a look with a small mischievous smirk. “So? Tell me about your trip? Anything happen since last time we talked?”

“Nothing interesting. Just the new recruits that come in two weeks before the rotation starts so the ones being switched out can show the new ones how things are, what to do, that kind of thing. Coming home is more of a pain in the ass then it sounds like. We have to go through blood tests, screenings, complete physicals, make sure we CAN come back.” You take another bite of pasta, “And sometimes they find things that need to be fixed. I was developing an allergy to my implant so they had to remove . . . .” You stop cold mid bite your eyes going wide. “Fuck.” You drop your fork covering your face with your hand, “Oh my God, I’m such a complete fucking moron.”

Tom frowns, “What is it darling? What’s wrong?”

You look at him a moment your hand covering your mouth in complete disbelief. “My IUD. They had to remove it because I developed an allergy to the material it was made out of.” He looks at you not certain what that meant. “My birth control? The thing that kept me from getting pregnant again? THAT thing!”

“It’s alright, calm down.” He reaches out to cover your hand with his but you quickly jerk it away pulling it back into your lap.

“Oh no. No, no, no. You aren’t touching me again until I get to the doctors and find out what I need to do. Pills, patches, a different device, I don’t care. Just . . . keep your distance until then.” You say in dead seriousness.

After you eat- which wasn't even a bite after your realization at lunch- the two of you race back to your flat to find the number for your doctor. You called the office frantic, "I've got to see Dr Miles *today*, it's an emergency." The receptionist senses your urgency and you hear her clicking through her computer for an open slot. "Miss, I'm afraid Dr Miles is fully booked today, there's no way to see him today," she admits. You sling a hand through your hair. "Is there anyone? Please?" The girl clicks around on her computer another minute before saying, "Wait...we just had a cancellation. Can you be here in an hour? We might be able to fit you in if you can be here." "I'll be there, thank you so much!" You hang up the phone and look up at Tom. "I got in," you tell him.

"I'll go with you," he says, grabbing his jacket and car keys.

An hour later you sit in the exam room with a blanket draped across your lap. Your nerves had gotten the best of you- what if you were already pregnant? But that was a silly thought. As a nurse, you knew it couldn't happen that quick. Still, you couldn't seem to shake that feeling. Tom sat in the chair opposite you, elbows on his knees and definitely thinking about something. You could see the wheels turning. After a moment he spoke up quietly, "I need to ask you something." You had a feeling you knew what it was before he said anything.

"What is it?"

Tom took a breath and blurted out softly, "Would it be so awful if you did happen to get pregnant?"

You sighed. Yep, just what you thought. You still wanted more than anything to be a mother of your own children. But it wasn't the right time. You were working hard to take down the walls you had spent so much time building around you, but you still had a ways to go. You looked into his eyes, filled with so many questions, and reached for his hand. He took yours as you said to him what you knew he didn't want to hear.

"Yes. Right now, it would." His face fell as you continued. "Tom, it's not healthy right now, you know that. I would be terrified the entire time something would happen to it. I can't go through that again. And besides, we need to know more about each other first before we bring a baby into the mix. I mean, we're not even married, sweetheart." Toms' eyes brightened a bit at the mention of "married". You pretended not to notice. You finished, "Yes, I want children. And I know you do too. But I won't do anything that puts something innocent at risk." Tom nodded and squeezed your hand.

At that moment, the door opened and the doctor stepped inside. "Good afternoon, Ms. James, how are you? Welcome back!" Dr Miles greets you. You smile at him and reply, "Thanks very much, it's good to be back!" As the appointment get underway, Tom keeps hold of your hand, stroking it occasionally with his thumb. Before the doctor started the physical exam, he turned to Tom and said, "I'm sorry sir, but you'll see have to step out for this part." Tom nodded reluctantly and stood from the chair. He smiled at you and leaned over to give you a kiss. You smiled back.

"I'll be right outside the door if you need me." "Of course," you joke back.

Tom stepped outside and closed the door behind him, his head swimming with everything you had just told him. You weren't totally off the idea of a baby, but not now. You were right, the two of you *weren't* married, but there were quick ways to remedy that. He'd be in London for a while yet, filming the series that brought him to you in the first place.

He grinned widely as his brain processed everything. He felt a little fire of hope light up in him. Maybe you had had a change of heart while away. At least, he hoped.

Your exam goes on without anything spectacular. Dr Miles does all the necessary treatments and tells you about your options regarding birth control in the future. A new IUD had come on the market since you'd had yours implanted last, and posed no threat as you weren't allergic to it. After it was inserted, Dr Miles finished the exam by asking about Tom. It was standard procedure. "He's wonderful, Doctor."

"Good. I like to see my patients smile. Especially when they've been through as much as you have."

"Thank you."

"And my wife is right, you certainly wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers!" You laugh out loud at his admission.

"Doctor! Come on now, don't be silly!" Dr Miles laughed with you and typed the last of your information in your chart. Before he left the room, he handed you a prescription for Plan B. He walked out of the room and you changed back into your clothes, opening the door to find Tom standing dutifully at the door. He smiled at you and reached his hand out for you. You copied his motions and he pulled you in for a light kiss. "What's gotten into you the last fifteen minutes? Last I saw, you looked like a sad little puppy dog."

Leaving the doctors, you went to the grocery store and probably bought more stuff then you needed managing to fill the boot of Tom’s Jag. As you headed home, you stared at the window lost deep in thought.

Since he had mentioned it and you had a major melt down before you left London a year ago, you had played with the idea much more then you would ever admit of trying to have kids of your own again. You had had daydreams about seeing Tom laying on the couch on a lazy Sunday afternoon, your son or daughter asleep on his chest. One hand behind his head, the other resting over the baby’s back to hold him close and keep him safe with his eyes closed dozing on and off. It always brought you a smile imagining that small scene. It was such a sweet daydream.

You had researched a little bit what it would take for you to even start to think about trying to have kids. You would need to see a specialists who would probably do every test on you known to medical science, hormone therapy, possibly fertility treatments, the list was impressive. It would be difficult, but to get to be a mom . . . to have your own little ones, it would be well worth it and more.

Tom reaches over taking your hand in his, bringing it to his lips and kissing your knuckles gently. “It seems like you’re a million miles away. Where have you gone?” He questions still holding your hand tight. You just smile reach over with your hand patting his before covering it holding tight.

"I...nothing, sweetheart, just nothing," you tell Tom innocently. He raises an eyebrow at your answer.

"You know, of the two of us, only one is a professional actor. And while you're very good at many things, acting isn't one of them." Your mouth sets in a guilty smirk as Tom keeps his eyes on you. 

"It's nothing, I promise." He remains entirely unconvinced. But he has yet to forget how hardheaded you are.

So he drops the subject with a simple, "All right, darling. Whatever you say." He leans over and kisses your temple. It wasn't that you didn't want to tell him, or wouldn't. You just didn't want to have a shred of doubt that you wanted to go through with everything it would take. You wanted to be absolutely certain he did, too. It wouldn't be easy on either of you.

The next morning, you woke to no Tom, but a note in his place.

*I'm so sorry to leave you Darling, but I had an early morning meeting with the studio heads before we started shooting. You looked so peaceful, I couldn't wake you. I hope you're not cross. I'll call you when we break for lunch. I love you, T.*

Part of you was a little upset you didn't get to see him off, but another part of you was thrilled. You had so much laundry to unpack and stow away, and so many things to unpack from storage. Most importantly, you had a lot of research to do. You weren't ready to look anything up in front of Tom, so this was the perfect opportunity to get that done. You popped a load of clothes into the washer, made some coffee, and settled down in front of your computer. There were so many options- surgical, non-surgical, hormone therapy, IVF, laparoscopies. Your head was swimming by mid-morning. One thing was certain, though- if you were going through this, you had to call and make another appointment with your doctor.

Your phone rang around one o'clock, and pulled you from your research. It was Tom. As you answered, you got up from your chair to check on another load of laundry. "Hello, darling. How are you?" Tom crooned in your ear.

His voice always gave you a chill. "I'm fine, how are you? How is shooting going?" you ask.

"Oh, it's fantastic. All the on-set medical consultants are very impressed with me, they don't have to show me too much."

"Oh really? Well, did you tell them you had a fantastic trainer who showed you everything you could ever want to know?" Tom laughed heartily at your little brag.

"Of course, my dear. I gave every ounce of credit to you, love." You smile. "Listen, I think you should come down to the set with me tomorrow. I think I recognize some of the people from the hospital as extras or consultants working here, you might recognize them, too," Tom suggested.

"Yeah? I might do that, then. Plus I've never seen you work in person, and I'd love to see that."

"Oo, I'm nervous already, darling." You laugh at his admission. You hear some noise in the background and a man's voice calling for Tom. He shouts back, "I'll be right there, I'm on my way!" He comes back to you and says, "Darling they need me on set, I've got to go."

"Okay. I love you, go work."

"I love you too. I'll see you tonight."

You hang up with each other as you start the dryer for your second load. You stare at the phone, contemplating. And after a moment, you dial the number. The receptionist answers, and you say, "Yes, I'd like to make an appointment with Dr Miles, please."

Later in the week you sat with Dr. Miles not having told Tom appoint your appointment. He had to work a full day on set and it seemed like the best opportunity to go without his knowledge.

“It’ll be a day or two before all the test results are in. But I have to tell you, so far the tests that we have the results on look good. You do have a hormone deficiency but it can be corrected. We can start you on a round of them right away. See where we are once you’ve taken them a few weeks.” He explained.

“So what are the chances? For conception and for being able to carry to term?” You ask a knot in your throat terrified of the answer.

He paused looking over your files a moment. “It depends on the other results, but right now . . . %85, %90.” He says giving you an estimate.

Your eyes light up, “Really?” That was much better then you were expecting. After your third miscarriage they suggested you never try again and consider tubal ligation or cauterization. “How is that . . . possible. I thought fertility and physical ability decreased with age.”

“Well. You are taking care of yourself much better then you did before. You’ve been exercising regularly, you’ve been taking supplements and vitamins, and according to your previous records, your emotional and mental health have improved significantly.” You smile, and then can’t stifle the laugh. You weren’t even thinking about trying again much less that everything you had been doing just for yourself, to keep yourself healthy making it possible.

“So a year in the 3rd world is actually good for you. Who knew.” You say with a bright smile.

“We have a little work to do. But I’d say that you can start trying in 6 months to a year.” He reports. You’re laughing again in utter disbelief and excitement. When you stand he stands as well and you take his hand in both of yours shaking it.

“Thank you. Thank you so much. You have no idea just how . . . .” You really sounded like a babbling idiot and found yourself wrapping your arms around the doctor hugging him tightly. “Thank you.” You say again.

You're on an absolute high the rest of the day. You can hardly remember most of it, but one moment in particular stands out. You walk from your tube station back to your flat, where you pass by a little shop window filled with baby items. Pinks and blues and yellows jump out at you. You knew this shop was here, it wasn't like this was new. But as you stopped you realized for the first time, you weren't looking through the window with despair and hopelessness. You were examining everything with a newfound sense of hope and optimism. A smile spread wide across your face. Things were really starting to turn around.

That evening, your phone rang. You smiled at the caller ID and hit the green button on the screen. "Hello, sweetheart," you said softly into the phone.

Tom moaned into your ear, "Darling, if you keep answering the phone like that, I'll have to call you far more often."

"Ooo, promise?" you tease. You hear a throaty chuckle from him and smile. You were discovering more and more you loved being tease-y with him.

"Listen, darling, are you in the middle of anything right now? I have some friends coming to my house tonight, and I would love for you to be there and meet them. I know they'd love to meet you."

"What kind of friends?"

"Well, they're some former co-stars of mine."

You thought for a moment. You remembered how uncomfortable you were last time around, with Chris and Jaimie. But if you were going to make this work, and god knows you wanted to, you would eventually have to meet everyone close to him. "Okay...but it's just a couple, right?" you make sure.

"Yes love, just a couple. And it's nothing fancy, we're just planning on making dinner and talking, I promise. Completely casual," he reassures you. "All right, I'll come. Who exactly are we talking about?" you ask.

"You'll love them, I know it. It's Tilda and Hadley."

Tom tells you he'll pick you up in a bit, and you hang up and start to get ready. Dinner with Tilda Swinton and Hadley Fraser. No one could accuse you of having a boring life anymore, that much was certain.

You dress to impress in a little black dress that you bought on the way home. You saw it in the shop and were in such a good mood you had to try it on. Once you tried it on you had to take it home. Tom liked to take you out and you knew you’d have an occasion to wear it sooner or later. With his invitation to dinner, it turned out to be sooner.

You check in the mirror making sure the seams were straight on your black tights, and that your black heels matched and went well with the dress. Oh yes, everything was perfect. Tom was going to get whiplash when you walked by him.

Getting your purse you take one last look in the mirror with a grin and do a turn. Your push up bra was certainly complimenting your assets. And you had to admit, all that walking and exercise you did while you were away certainly left you with a nice behind.

Heading out you get in your jeep and drive to Tom’s. He lived in a gated community which was logical considering he was a well known, well sought after actor now and you imagined he didn’t want the extreme fans to be crawling up on his lawn in the middle of the night or rummaging through his trash. When you arrived Tom buzzed you in and you drive to his house. Once you park you take a deep breath. You were still so excited but you intended to keep it to yourself. You had some work to do with hormones and vitamins and treatments and such and were trying not to get your hopes up but it was hard not to.

When you get up to the door Tom opens it anticipating you’re being there and grins, his eyes lighting up seeing how wonderful you look. He takes your hand and kisses it pulling you inside. “You look absolutely wonderful darling.” He says pulling you into a deep kiss. “Ravishing.” He says kissing you again wrapping his arms around you. You grin a little kissing him back feeling his hands roaming down your back and grasping your firm backside.

“I take it your other guests haven’t arrived yet?” You say pulling back looking at him. “At least I hope not.”

“No. Not yet.” He says still grinning like a Cheshire cat as he kisses you once more. You can’t help but return his passionate affections as he walks you backwards pressing you against the wall. He kisses your neck, your throat, your chin and then tasting your lips once more.

“hey, Hey, HEY!” You say with a laugh pressing your hands against his shoulders. “How about we save the disheveled look for after dinner and your guests leave?” You suggest. He grins and kisses you yet again.

“Of course. You’re right darling. I’ve just missed you so very much.” He kisses you once more before stepping back releasing you. “Here, I’ll take your things and put them up.” Taking your purse he helps you off your jacket. “Don’t go away?”

“I won’t.” He smiles and sneaks once more kiss before heading into the next room to put your purse and jacket away. He put your purse down and then hung up your jacket. But when he turned he accidentally knocked your purse on the floor. Crouching down he starts to put your things back in it but paused when he picked up the prescription bottle and looked at the label seeing it was dated today. He frowns only seeing directions for how to take it and the name of the drug. Not what it was for or who it was prescribed by. You were incredibly depressed and distraught when you had left the country. You seemed happy and alert and generally at peace with everything when you had returned. But you’d hidden things before. You might have been hiding something else from him he needed to know. If you were depressed, or upset, he needed to know.

He stands looking at the bottle putting your purse back in the closet before heading back to you with the bottle of pills in hand to confront you with it.

"What is this? What are you taking?"

You whip around at the rattling of the pills and your heart jumps into your throat. Your chin starts trembling, your breath starts to shake. Tom asks you again, "What is in this bottle? Tell me." Your fingers start to dance nervously across your bare chest and you try to cover your mouth. You were not ready to tell Tom what you knew, and these were certainly not the circumstances under which you wanted to tell him. But it was a little late for that. "I won't ask you again, what. is. this?"

You draw a shivering breath and try to swallow around the huge lump in your throat. Your mouth had gone bone dry. "I..it's- It's, um. It's not what you think it is." Tom took a step toward you into his living room.

"Please tell me, what do I think it is?" Your entire being was shaking as you reached for the bottle. He pulled it out of your reach. "Tell me now."

"Please don't be mad at me," you begin a whisper. Tom sets his jaw and his nostrils flare. And you begin to tell him, the words spilling out of you a mile a minute. "I called the doctor last week and made a follow up appointment so I could see him and have some tests run to see if I could ever-- if I had, gotten better somehow and they did all this lab work and all these different tests and Dr Miles told me I *had* gotten better and I was healthier now than I was when I was with Michael and that all I had now was a hormone deficiency and that if I started therapy, I had a really good chance at trying to get pregnant in six months to a year, and I didn't want to tell you yet because I wanted to make sure you were willing to do everything it took to make this happen, for both of us. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you, I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me."

You were clawing at your chest and had almost drawn blood by the time you were done. Tom looked at the label on the bottle again. "Is that what this is? Hormone therapy?" You nod at him. He turns the bottle over in his hand, and the rattling of the pills is the loudest sound you've ever heard in your life. Your breath still comes shallow as Tom hands you the bottle. You take it with your hands still shaking and draw it close to you. Right then, there's a knock at the door. It scares the daylights out of you. Tom steps in front of you, and reaches up to tuck a lock of your hair behind your ear. He leans down and says, "We'll talk about this after dinner, all right?" and kisses your forehead. You close your eyes and let out a lungful of air, unaware you were even holding your breath. You nod in response and as Tom moves to open the door, you race to the bedroom to hide the bottle and try to compose yourself before anyone can see you.

Sitting in the bedroom in silence you cradle your head in your hand. What the fuck just happened. So many things came flooding back. Tom came at you with your medications, which weren’t anything bad, and you folded. You felt shaky inside, you felt terror, and worry, and like you were falling. That wasn’t who you were anymore. You’d moved on from that, you’d left Michael and all of his emotional and mental abusive bullshit behind.

Taking a breath you stood and clinched your jaw. Moving to the mirror you looked at yourself. You looked hot. You weren’t in ugly unflattering scrubs, you weren’t in your comfortable ratty old knock around clothes, you were a sexy, strong, confident, independent woman. If you wanted to have a baby, you were going to. As much as you wanted Tom to be a part of that, he wasn’t required. You didn't have to 'explain' yourself to anyone.

Fixing your hair, straightening your dress, you took one last look in the mirror. “No more running, no more cowering, no more hiding.” You say to yourself looking into your own eyes and giving a nod. Standing up straight you head out of the bedroom to go and join the dinner party.

You saunter into the living room, and see a shock of white blonde hair facing away from you. Tom smiles at you and the woman turns around. It's Tilda, and her eyes light up at you. You extend your hand to her and introduce yourself. "Tilda, hi, it's so lovely to meet you, I'm (y/n)." She raises her arms and actually pulls you in for a hug which surprises you a bit.

"Oh sweet girl, it's so wonderful to finally meet you! I've heard so much about you, I feel like I already know you almost," she greets you. You laugh as she expounds on you. You hug her back and she takes you by the shoulders to really look at you. "Tom, I can see why you fell so hard for her, you're stunning, darling." You blush and shake your head. Tilda squeezes your shoulders and continues, "If you only knew how much Tom has gone on and on about you for the last year, really. I almost stopped answering his calls, he was incessant!" She releases you from her grasp, and Tom reaches for your hand. He can sense you're a little uncomfortable and laces his fingers with yours. He rubs your knuckles with his thumb as you look over at him. His eyes are threaded with worry, for you. You look back with a quiet confidence and refusal to falter again.

"Is Hadley still coming?" Tilda breaks the silence.

"As far as I know, yes. You know him though, He'll be a couple minutes late," Tom joked. At that, the oven timer went off, and Tom excused himself to the kitchen, leaving you and Tilda with each other.

She pulled you down to the couch and asked, "So you've got to tell me, how was Africa?" You smile a bit and start to recall as many things as you could.

"It was absolutely crazy and wonderful and now that I'm back, I'm so glad I went!" You open your mouth to tell her more, but there's a knock at the door.

"Oh, I bet that's Hadley now," Tilda murmurs, and you stand to answer it. Tom had just come out of the kitchen and comes up behind you as you open the door. Hadley sees Tom immediately and the two men smile at each other.

"Tom! It's good to see you again!" Hadley steps through the doorway as Tom pulls him in for a hug.

"Hadley, I'm so glad you're here. There's someone I want you to meet," he says. They end the hug and Tom turns toward you and pulls you close. "Hadley, this is (y/n)."

He greets you with a smile and opens his arms for a hug as well, and says, "Finally, I get the meet the girl this git has gone on and on about for the last year? It's about time!" You laugh and hug him back. Tom certainly did have some loving friends. It also became more and more obvious how much he cared about you.

"Dinner is served, everyone," Tom announced, and Tilda and Hadley made a move for the dining room. You started to, but Tom grabbed your hand at the last minute holding you back. "Hey...are you all right?" he whispered.

You give him a look as you reply, "I'm fine. We'll talk about this later." He pulls you in close for a kiss, and you don't stop him. You're angry for how he made you feel, but hearing what his friends had to say softened you a bit. "Let's go, they're waiting for us," you tell him.

Dinner goes by smoothly. Everyone listens intently as you tell stories about your time in Africa, Hadley told everyone about his turn as Javert on stage, and Tilda made everyone laugh talking about how she forced Tom to frown during 'Only Lovers Left Alive.' The whole time, Tom moved in his chair so he could maintain some sort of physical contact with you. Several times during, you saw him looking at you and nodding gently, as if to try to confirm you were all right. You kept your expression same as before. The evening wound down and moved into Tom's living room. But even before long there, it was late and Tilda and Hadley made their moves to leave. You all said your goodbyes, and as Tom ushered them out and you heard the door click shut, you filled your glass with wine.

The air in the house got still and electric. Like a spark would have literally ignited it. You stepped out from the kitchen to find Tom standing in front of the couch with his hands in his pockets. His face was set, his eyes intent. You breathed deep and swallowed. This was not going to be an easy conversation. But at least you had some hope about the outcome this time.

You meet his look head on for a moment before taking a breath, “Believe it or not I wasn’t trying to hide anything from you. I was just saving it for a better time. After I had more information, after I had a handle on things.” You state directly.

“But you don’t have to do these things on your own. You don’t have to go sneaking about behind my . . . .” He begins but you cut him off.

“Sneaking!?” You exclaim walking close towards him. “How can you stand there and accuse me of sneaking when you’re the one you was going through my purse?” You demand.

“I wasn’t going through your purse, I dropped it when I was putting it away and the bottle fell out!” He said instantly in his defense, horrified that you would think he would do such a thing.

“Were quick to jump to conclusions about it though weren’t you. You come brandishing them at me like a sword, assuming the worst, that I was hiding something like my being depressed again or something asinine like that, as though I could if I wanted to.” He just stares at you. “Oh yes, I know what you thought. It’s what everyone who knows I’ve been clinically depressed and suicidal in the past thinks if there’s a slight mishap or bump in the road. Sorry, you’re not the first and you won’t be the last.”

“Why are you trying to fight with me about this? I didn’t intend on starting a fight with you, I just want to be kept up on what’s going on with everything.” He says walking closer reaching out to take your hand but you smack his way. He freezes in place starring at you hardly having expected that reaction.

You hated that feeling. That feeling of wanting to run away, to hide, to cower and protect yourself from a physical or verbal blow. You hadn’t felt that way in a long time and you didn’t like the reminder. You drain the wine from your glass. “You don’t get to make me feel this way, Tom. NO ONE gets to make me feel this way. For any reason. NEVER again.” You snap putting your glass down and storming into the next room to get your things and leave.

Tom jerks after you as you head into the bedroom continuing your diatribe to one on one in particular at this point. "Of all the bullshit I've had to endure in my thirty years-- unbelievable, ridiculous-- how on Earth could you believe I had-- Tom, get off of me!!" In the midst of bending down to get your purse from the closet floor, Tom quickly stooped over you and wrapped his arms around you tightly. He squeezed your entire upper body with your arms trapped by your sides. And as much as you fought against him, you couldn't budge him. It was like fighting a brick wall. He kept you crouched down so you couldn't even use your legs to kick him. You almost screamed the second time, "Let me GO Tom, NOW!!"

"NO. I'm not letting you run away again, not like this. Now, stop fighting me and let's talk about this, please!" He had never raised his voice to you like that. And as angry as you were, you knew he was just doing what he thought was right to help. It didn't embarrass you any less though.

You stopped struggling after a minute and as calmly as possible, you said, "Fine. Let go of me and we'll talk." Tom loosened his grip slowly, in case you decided to bolt at the last minute. You seethed at him without turning around. "I will not say this again. If you ever presume to do that to me again, I will walk out that door and you will NEVER see me again." You turned around slowly, gathering your thoughts.

Tom came into view as you turned. He looked as determined as you were angry, and completely undeterred. "Tell me, what is going on and why you felt the need to go behind my back and see a doctor then."

You stayed as steely as possible as you told him. "I still want children. And a very, very large part of me wants them with you. I went to the doctor to see if anything had changed about my condition. I have been taking better care of myself over the last few years than I ever did when I was with Michael." Tom twitched. He never liked to hear your ex's name after he discovered how he had treated you. You continued. "I felt like a guinea pig for the better part of two hours as they poked and prodded me and drew my blood and did all kinds of medical tests. And Dr Miles told me that the only thing he could initially see was a hormone imbalance. He gave me those pills to correct it slowly, so I wouldn't get all out of whack and gain a bunch of weight and go completely mental." You paused before you repeated the last part. "And he told me...he told me I had an 85-90% of conceiving and carrying to term, a healthy baby in six months to a year from now."

Tom's shoulders dropped at your words, almost like he was relieved. And maybe he was. You weren't going off the deep end, he didn't have to worry about you like he thought he did. He reached out to you and cupped your elbows, your arms crossed over your chest. "Why didn't you just tell me? When you went? I would have gone with you, you should have had to do any of that alone," he asked.

"Because. You have enough going on when it comes to me anyway, let alone everything else in your life. I didn't want to add to it if I didn't have to. And besides, it's not like we're married, or had made the decision to try anyway. What difference would it make?" you reasoned.

"It would make a difference to me. I love you. I want to be there for you when these things happen so you're not alone," Tom told you. You took a slow deep breath and looked him in the eye. "If this is going to work, we have to be able to tell each other everything, darling. You're not a bother, but when you pull stuff like this, it makes me wonder how much I can trust you. I have to be able to do that," he stated quietly.

You nodded at his words. They made sense. You didn't really want to fight about it anyway, you just got so worked up when he practically accused you, and then you had to put on a face in front of his friends all night. "Don't ever assume anything like that about me again. I'm past all that- I worked as hard as I could to get past it." Tom ran his fingers through your hair.

"I never will." He leaned into you and tilted your chin up for a kiss. It was tinted with an apology on his part, and you kissed him back in acceptance. You uncrossed your arms and flattened your hands against his chest. As the kiss ended, he pecked your forehead. "It looks like we have a lot to talk about in the morning," you say.

Tom slides his arms around you but kept them loose, remembering your warning from earlier. "We'll save it for the morning, then. Right now let's just go to bed."

Having had an obscene amount of wine and continuing to sip it snacking on strawberries you had calmed down and Tom was pleased to see you could talk back and forth without the uneasy tension that had grown earlier in the evening. You were in bed, the bowl of strawberries between you each of you with a wine glass. You’re sitting Indian style in your pajama’s having taken a shower which also helped to relax you and made you feel better.

“So, as long as I stick to my diet, and exercise, and follow every instruction the doctor gives me, then in 6 months to a year he sees no reason why I can’t start trying to get pregnant.” You explain a bit more calmly and in depth which is what you wished you could have done originally. “I can’t believe it. Originally they said things would only get worse and that I shouldn’t risk it. I never imagined that I would get stronger and healthier like a real normal woman.”

“Darling.” He reaches over covering your hand with his, “You are a real, normal, woman. You always have been. You were just . . . married to a complete and utter burke who had no idea the treasure he foolishly took for granted and threw away.” You give a nod and took another sip from your wine glass. He pats your hand a bit before taking a drink from his own glass. You pick up another strawberry taking a bite. “I do admit, I feel a bit useless. You’re doing everything and I’m not contributing whatsoever.”

You finish your strawberry studying him a moment. “Do you want to?” His eyes light up and he sits up as well giving a nod.

“Yes, yes absolutely. What can I do?” He asks anxiously.

“Well,” You begin, “The doctor wanted to run some tests on you too. To make sure everything was in order, and to know the full picture of what’s involved. How our bodies will be compatible with each other so he can prescribe the right meds, give the right treatment and everything.”

“Absolutely. Anything they want me to do, I’ll do it.” He says. “What sorts of tests?” He questions.

“Blood work, probably want to do a full blood panel. All your other vitals and I don’t know he might prescribe you some vitamins to take too. There might be some classes he suggests we take together. And a sperm count will probably be on the list.” You explain.

“Sperm count? How do they do that? What’s involved?” He questions.

“A cupboard, a jar, and a porn magazine.” You state bluntly. He blushes slightly but gives a nod.

“Okay, I can do that.” He says. “Let’s call the doctor tomorrow and make an appointment.” You smile a little at his eagerness. You give a nod taking another strawberry offering him a bite. He grins and takes a bite never breaking the gaze between you. Then you finish the strawberry and he leans over kissing you as you’re both still chewing your bite of strawberry.

You kiss him back, resting your hand on his chest. The kiss growing a bit deeper as he moves closer. Even though both of you are still holding your wine glasses and there’s a bowl of strawberries between you on the bed.

"And what did the good doctor say about getting in a little...practice?" Tom murmured against your lips.

"He didn't say anything...but I can't imagine he would be opposed to it." You feel him smile and grab both your wine glasses and put them on the nightstand. You reach for the bowl of strawberries and put it aside, and as you turn back around, Tom is practically on top of you. You shriek with laughter, but it quickly turns to moans as he starts kissing and biting your neck. You spread your legs apart as Tom settles between them. You feel him growing harder against the inside of your thigh. He reaches up and starts kneading your breasts through your shirt, and you reward him with a sweet moan.

"I fucking love that noise, darling, do it again," he pleads.

"Hmm, then you're going to love this little trick," you tell him as you bend your knees up to the waistband of his sleep pants. Very deftly, you hook your toes on either side and gently push them down. You feel his cock spring free and after a moment come to rest digging at the inside of your thigh.

"My god woman, that was hot," Tom breathes out. You giggle lightly as he continues to kiss down your body. He reaches the deep v in your shirt and pushes it up and off. You finish pushing it off your arms as Tom takes one of your nipples into his mouth. You arch your back as he sucks and licks one and grazes his fingers over the other. He switches after a moment, kissing his way across your chest. His jaw and cheeks are rough with stubble, and the feeling gives you shivers.

"Ohhh, baby..." you moan pulling your hands through his hair. You can feel the heat and wetness pooling in between your legs, and there was no mistaking Tom was just as excited. He kissed his way further down, stopping to nuzzle your belly button. It made you jerk as it tickled, and you heard a low chuckle from him.

The next thing you knew, his hot breath covered your sex. The teasing continued as Tom kissed your outer lips and then pulled them apart to reveal your entrance. You moaned and writhed as he kissed every little patch of flesh he could find. Your hands fisted in his hair. The tip of his nose rubbed against your clit and you gasped, desperate for air. But it did no good- he slipped his tongue into your folds and every last molecule of air left your body. Tom tasted every part of you he could find, his nose bumping and worrying that tiny little nub. You lost control as he brought his large hands up to hold your thighs down. "Tom, please...I need you now," you squeaked out. He pulled away from you and roughly left kisses on his way back up.

"Then you shall have me," he growled in your ear as he pushed his way into you. You both moaned at the sensation and you clawed at his back. As he started moving, you wondered how you would ever get used to his size. He managed to fill every bit of you. Your hips rolled almost on their own to meet his thrusts. He leaned down to kiss you and you could taste yourself on his tongue. It drove you closer and closer to your release. Tom's hips started moving more and more erratically and you threw your legs around them to pull him close as possible. You pulled against him in your own movements, faster and faster until you came undone. Your orgasm tore through you, and you threw your head back keening. Seconds later Tom released inside you, groaning. You rode each other out to the very end panting and moaning softly. He laid his head onto your shoulder, and you reached up to stroke him. He planted little kisses on your collarbone as your heart rate returned to normal. After a few minutes, his breathing got deeper. You looked down at him, twisting your head, and chuckled when you found him asleep. Silly man, you thought. Shaking your head, you slid out from under him carefully, and pulled the blankets up and turned the lights out. And within moments, you drifted into your own sleep.

Luckily you’d made friends and now how connections that made it possible for you to get your job back at the hospital. However you were given graveyard shift to work which means you and Tom didn’t have much time to spend together. He worked during the day, and you worked at night.

You sat alone at the nurse’s station having finished updating this hours logs after your rounds. Most of the patients slept through the night on this wing. It would be a few months before you would be able to get into the pediatric ward. You tap your pencil against the desk starring at the panel almost willing someone, anyone to press the nurses help button. But, in the geriatric wing, things just didn’t happen very much this time of day.

An alarm on your phone starts to go off letting you know it was time to take your own meds. You reach into your back pocket taking out your pill case and pop them in your mouth, taking a sip of water to swallow them. Things had been going well between the two of you with this new venture of yours. Although there were a lot of questions left open and unanswered that the blanks were going to have to be filled in for sooner or later.

Unfortunately, not two days after you got home, Michael started calling you immediately giving you grief because you were behind on the last two payments on your joint debt. Apparently the fact that the program you were with was mostly a volunteer organization completely escaped him. And there were a few times in the past several years where he had been late on payments, and had skipped them once or twice all together. Now you were going to have to take every extra hour, every extra available shift for the next few months just to get caught up again. The whole matter was like a 100 ton ball chained to your leg and you were never going to get away from it or him.

You clocked out at the end of your shift just after sunrise and went home. You didn’t even bother taking your shoes off and just flopped down onto your bed pulling a pillow over your head and curling up falling asleep.

Your favorite daydream was now coming to you at night. The one that made you smile all those long months in Africa. You come walking out of the kitchen to tell Tom dinner was almost ready, and you spot him asleep on the couch. His long body takes up every available inch, but his hands rest safely wrapped around the small bundle on his chest. You can't do anything but watch the scene in front of you. The baby moves up and down gently with Tom's breathing, Sometimes the baby was wrapped in pink, others blue. Tonight it was pink. You're nervous for a moment, knowing a baby shouldn't be put to sleep on their stomach. But you realize you had no cause to worry- the little bundle makes the tiniest movement and smallest little sound and Tom stirs, holding her tight and slowly sitting up. His legs swing down to the carpet as he comes all the way up and peeks down. His hands cradle every little ounce of the baby. He holds her tight, and then looks up at you smiling in the doorway. You don't always say anything in the dream, and often, this is where it ends. But this time you both spoke. Tom spoke first. "I think she's hungry," he whispers.

"I hope her daddy is too. I'll take care of her if you pull dinner out when the timer goes off?" You look down at her, and her eyes are wide open. They're Tom's eyes, bright and beautiful blue with little specks of grey in them.

The dream always ended there- you never got more detail. It didn't make the dream any less satisfying, though.

Tom was waking up as you were falling asleep in his own home, well before he needed to. His call time wasn't until that afternoon, but he had been restless the last couple nights anyway. You had twice now mentioned marriage without some sort of recoil or disdain. And you'd made it clear you wanted to be married before you would have children. He turned the thoughts over in his head again and again. He knew he loved you. He knew he wanted children with *you*, not just anyone. And he knew he would do anything it took to make you happy. But you were also fiercely independent. Tom would want to take care of you, especially your situation with Michael. Would you let him? He would hire a team of lawyers if he had to, to take care of it. It was never fair to him what you had to do as part of the settlement.

He imagined what you would say if he asked. How you would react. He thought about where he would do it, what he would say, what he would even wear. The scene played out in his mind over and over again that morning. He had to find out the ending, he just had to. But just how and when would be the real question.

You sigh recognizing the noise ringtone rolling over you open an eye reaching for your phone when it started to go off. “Amazing. My day off and you manage to be the bastard to wake me up. What do you want Michael.” You say with a sigh. You listen for several moments before you sit up rubbing your forehead, “Don’t even think about it. You little weasel, don’t you even think about dragging me back into court over this again. . . . . No, no. You shut up and listen to me for once. My pay is the same as it’s always been. Well below what it should be for the kind of work I do. You might have kids but you’re married and you have two paychecks coming in. She works too and it’s bad enough that I have to pay as much as you do on this fucking thing that was your fault in the first place . . . . . . . . Excuse me!” You throw the covers back and stand up starting to pace back and forth. “We’re dating. We are SEEING each other! We aren’t married, and we aren’t going to be! We don’t even live together! You aren’t pulling him into this mess! . . . . no! I don’t get money from him; why in the hell would I get . . . . I’m not going to ask him for any either! . . . .” You cover your face with your hand becoming more agitated by the moment. “NO! We aren’t married! And we aren’t GOING to be married! So pull your greedy claws in right now asshole. This is between me and you, which is why I didn’t bitch when they said this was our problem 50/50. So suck it up like I’m expected to do, and DEAL WITH IT!!” You hang up the phone tossing it away.

That was hardly something to wake up to. You slide your fingers through your hair. Shaking your head you pick up your clothes and head into the bathroom to take a shower and get ready for the day. First day you’d had off in weeks, you had things that needed to get done. Who knew when you were going to have another day off. Especially when Michael was pulling this crap on you again.

That evening, you sat on Tom's kitchen counter watching him cook dinner for the two of you. You hear him talking about the shoot that day, and you really are trying to listen. But you can't focus- Michael's voice rolled through your head all day. During every one of your errands, and through every chore you completed. Suddenly you're jerked back to present- "Hey. Where have you gone again?" Tom asked as he rubbed your thigh. You looked into his eyes as he smiled lightly at you. You bit your lip. You didn't really want to tell him about your phone call. But little snippets from him about trusting you sneaked into your brain. So with a tight shrug you filled him in.

"Michael called me this morning, bitching about the whole credit card thing again. He's getting pretty ruthless here lately." Tom's hand came around to rest on your back to comfort you.

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I wish you didn't have to deal with him like that, it isn't fair.”

You fought with yourself for a moment, biting your lip and deciding whether or not to tell him the new stunt he had pulled this morning. Again, he had to be able to trust you. You looked down at Tom cautiously. "This time was different. This time....," you took a breath to try to steady yourself. "This time he mentioned you. He knows we're together."

Tom leaned back confused. "How did he find out?"

You sigh, "Some of the surgeons that practice at our hospital go to other hospitals as well. It wasn't really a secret at work, so it could have been anyone, really."

Tom stirred the pot simmering on the stove as you spoke, leaving his hand on your knee. "I'm so sorry darling. But...there is a way I could help. I have some really fantastic lawyers--"

"No. No way, I am not pulling you into this any more than that dumbass already has, you've done nothing to warrant getting in the middle of this," you protested.

But Tom wouldn't just take the "no" from you. "Really, let me help you, I want to. I hate seeing you torn up like this."

"No, Tom! I won't let you! I'm a big girl, I can handle him and his petty little insults. I heard them so many times over the last few years they don't even register anymore. But I am *not* letting you in the middle of this just so he can use you to get to me again. Because that's all he'll do, is turn you into a pawn for his own little game. He's a sick son of a bitch, I've told you."

Tom reached up and cupped your face. You took hold of his wrists, stroking them with your thumbs. "Please understand. It's not that I don't trust you or anything like that at all. It's just, if you get hurt because of him, I'll never forgive myself. I figured it out this morning, it's only a year and a half more of this and the debt is finally paid off. And then I never have to see him or hear from him again."

One of the reasons Tom loved you was how independent you were. But damn if it wasn't your biggest downfall at the moment. "I just want to help, that's all. He shouldn't be allowed to speak to you the way he does, harassing you like this. It's not right. Didn't you tell me he had even missed a few payments at one point? And you didn't call him up like that," he finished.

"Yeah, well...The Good Doctor never seemed to think the rules applied to him," you answered with an eye roll.

"I just want to help, I wish you would let me," Tom begged slightly. You tipped your head and kissed him gently.

"I wish you could, too."

Tom sits on the phone as Luke Windsor listens to him, “Tom.” He finally says. “You do realize I’m your PR assistant, not your actual assistant . . . . or stalker.”

“No, no. I don’t think that at all. It’s just that you have connections I don’t. You can find out this stuff. She’s so tight lipped I can’t even get his last name out of her.” Tom explains. There’s a pause on the phone, “Luke, I’m not a moron. I knew that as soon as it got out that she and I were dating that the agency had every aspect of her life researched so there were not ‘skeletons’ in her closet that were going to come out later. That bastard ex-husband of hers is the only skeleton that would fall out and take advantage of the situation.”

Luke groans, “We weren’t going to tell you that unless it came up Tom.”

“You already have procedures and plans in case it does come out, don’t you.” Tom says well aware that he had an excellent PR team, the agency was very good at keeping track of potential issues that could come up for their actors. They liked to take care and pay attention to their investments.

There’s another pause, “Yes.” He admits.

“Then give me what information you have and I’ll work on things on my own.” He insisted. Luke sighed, “Luke, come on. This bastard has her around the neck and she and I can’t . . . . our relationship isn’t going to progress until he goes away.”

“Tom, this isn’t really the kind of guy that’s going to go away.” Tom pauses furrowing his brow.

“What do you mean?” He questioned.

Yet another long uncomfortable silent pause stretched out over the phone. “Did she tell you how many miscarriages she had?” He questioned.

“Yes. She had three.” He said.

“Did she tell you how they happened?” He questioned.

“Yeah, her body rejected the fetus and spontaneously aborted. But that isn’t the case anymore, her doctor said he sees no reason why she couldn’t carry to term now. She’s healthier then she was before.” He said trying to summarize what you had told him. There another long pause as Tom can feel now there was something, more to the story you hadn’t told him. “I’m coming over right now.” He hangs up the phone and grabs his jacket heading out to go to Luke’s office.

An hour later Tom’s sitting going through the surprisingly large file the agency had gathered on you. There was a significant amount of court documents. Many were related to the divorce, but there were a number of others indicating domestic violence where the police were actually called, and the ‘good’ doctor was investigated but it seemed nearly if not all charges were dismissed every time. “Jesus.” He said resting his head in his hand leaning his elbow against the desk needed a moment to take this in and process it. “I can’t believe she kept this from me.”

“I don’t think she knows about the investigation into her miscarriages, Tom.” He looked up at Luke, “These were sealed records, and it was a suspicion that one of the detectives had. Nothing that was reported or suspected by her or the court. They didn’t tell her about the investigation when it was conducted.”

“He wanted kids. It was the reason he left her, he wanted kids as much as she did. He went and married someone else who immediately started turning out his kids.” Tom said in disbelief.

“She was in a mental hospital after her last recorded miscarriage. According to this investigator, it should have been him who was locked up and the key thrown away.” He explained.

“But how is this legal? How is any of this legal? How can they do this? How could she be found guilty and he found blameless?” He demanded becoming a little agitated.

“From what we can tell, he was friends with quite a bit of the justice department. The judge on those three cases? He plays golf with on the weekends.” He said with a sigh.

“What about him and his second wife? Does he treat her in the same disgusting manner? Misuse her like this?” He demanded. Luke shook his head solemnly.

“Apparently he treats them very well and dotes on them quite a bit.” He said with a sigh.

Tom rubbed his face before shaking his head thinking a moment. “All the reason to see that all ties are cut with that sadist right now.” He paused looking at Luke, “No one at the agency, YOU didn’t think this is something I should know? Seriously!?! This seems like a bit of a scandal. What’s worse, if she really doesn’t know about any of this and it gets out . . . . . . .”

“She’s been gone for over a year, I think a good number of people thought it was over between the two of you and there was no need for it. But it seems like since she returned you two are as tight together as ever.” Luke admits.

He thought for a moment before Tom seemed like he made a decision, “All the more reason, before our relationship gets to publicized and we decide to confirm it, to get him away and out of her life completely.”

 

(Next Chapter --> )


	2. Code Green - Chapter 2

Tom stood pacing in his living room waiting for you to come over. He put his actor face on when he called you the next evening, after he'd found out everything and tried to process it all. "I know you have tomorrow night off," he'd pleaded, "why don't you come over and just stay with me?" You'd agreed with little hesitation, you wanted to be there anyway. You'd been working so much, and you'd missed him whenever he called. Tom wanted to tell you what he had found out from Luke, but after he had buzzed you in the gate, he started to lose his nerve. He wasn't sure how you would react, even though your most recent history was positive. He tamped all that down though, at the knock of his door and the turn of the handle. "Honey I'm home," you joked as you sashayed in. Tom looked over at you. You smiled at him, your hair falling around your face and your eyes bright. And while he thought he had a handle on everything, he lost it when he saw you standing there. His eyes started burning and his brow wrinkled with upset. The thought of you being hurt by some monster, especially one that was supposed to honor and love you, stabbed at him in places so deep. You saw his face change and you rushed over to him. "Sweetheart, what's wrong? Why are you upset? You didn't sound upset like this on the phone, what happened?" you pried. Tom wrapped his arms around you and held you tight, refusing to let go. "Tom, talk to me. What happened?"

Tom bent his head and kissed your forehead. He moved to the couch still holding you, and sat you down in his lap. He started to explain everything he could. "I called Luke yesterday. Please don't be mad at me, but Luke and I have connections and I couldn't not help you." You sighed, exasperated. 

"Tom, I told you, I don't want you involved, Michael is only going to--"

"Don't ever say his name again, ever! I don't ever want to hear that name fall from your lips again, do you understand?" Tom pleaded.

You were confused. "No. You know the situation between us, I can't get away from him yet, you know that," you repeated yourself. "What is going on? What did you need to find out from Luke that you couldn't just ask me?" Tom paused. He knew what he was about to say would not be good. He just was trying to gauge how bad it was going to be.

He began slowly. "Luke is very good at his job. That's why he's in charge of my PR. He makes sure the people in my life are there for the right reasons. And last year when you came into mine, he did what he was supposed to do, and did some research on you." You tensed. The thought of someone digging in your private life was severely off-putting...but Tom had a point. And it was Luke's job. You had even met Luke several times since you'd been back, and he seemed like a wonderful person. You didn't like where this was going though. Tom continued, "Luke...Luke, in his research, said he found some court documents related to your divorce." His voice shook and his breath came short. You swallowed hard. You prayed he wasn't going to say what you feared most. You begged God, karma, The Muses, anyone you could think of, to keep those words from coming out of his mouth. Your own breath had stopped entirely.

"There was...an investigation. Into some suspicions that you had been...that your fucking asshole of an ex had--" Tom was choking on his words. Saying it out loud to you made it real, and he wanted more than anything for that not to be the case. You felt like you were about to pass out. You couldn't breathe and your heart rate easily doubled. Tom looked up to you and took your face gently in his hands. You couldn't fight the lightheadedness that threatened you. "Please tell me...please," he whispered. "Did he hurt you?"

You felt the air leave your body, and your blood ran cold. You thought you had left all that behind nine years ago. And now it was staring you in the face again. Your lightheadedness persisted and you pushed off Tom's lap. "I think I might be sick," you confessed as you stumbled into the bathroom. Tom followed immediately behind, holding you up as you threatened to fall face-first into the tile. He pulled your hair back as you retched into the toilet. Your eyes burned with every tear you fought to keep from falling. Every memory you had tried so hard to destroy and push out of you came back with a vengeance. Every time your ex had slapped you for "ruining dinner", every time he yelled you into a corner because you didn't dress the way he wanted, and every time he went postal on you because you lost one of "his" babies. Like they weren't yours and you weren't mourning. At first he blamed the job- it wasn't easy being a heart surgeon, lord knew. But soon he turned and it became your fault. Everything did. Especially the fact that you couldn't give him children. And then the night came when you lost the final one. He was railing at you for something, you couldn't even remember anymore, and he pushed you. Halfway down the stairs. And when you came to land, you knew it was gone. That moment started the downward spiral of institutions and psychiatrists. You thought you'd never have to revisit that moment.

But unlike last time, you didn't run from Tom. You willed him to comfort you by not pulling away like last time. He knelt behind you and held your hair and you grasped his hands at the nape of your neck. You didn't want to cry anymore. You'd done enough of it and refused to let one more drop fall. You wiped your eyes dry with the back of your hand. When you finally felt like you could stand again, you pushed yourself off the floor. Tom held tight to your shoulder and under one arm and walked you slowly to the bed. His own tears forgotten, all he wanted to do was comfort you. You let him gently undress you and slip your pajamas on. He tucked you under the covers of the bed and stayed with you until you fell asleep. And when you did, Tom slid out of bed to change himself. His emotions from earlier had turned to anger and determination. He picked up his phone. When Luke answered, Tom said in a very serious tone, "Luke, I need you to call my lawyers. We are going to come at this bastard with everything we have, first thing in the morning."

When you open your eyes, you find Tom sitting next to you on the bed having made some tea setting it on the nightstand. You sigh softly sitting up leaning back against the headboard looking at him in silence for several long moments. This was a nightmare, one that you thought you’d woken from long ago.

“He began prescribing for me. A little while after we got married.” You started slowly. “He was my husband, and he was a brilliant doctor. I thought we were in love. I loved him, I believe he loved me, there was no reason not to trust him. I didn’t know he was dosing me with experimental drugs.”

“Why would he do such a thing?” Tom asked in a low voice.

Your eyes were lowered as you were delving far deeper into these memories then you cared to at this point. “I think he genuinely believed they would help me get pregnant.” You sigh softly, “Or something of that nature I don’t know. He didn’t really give us a chance to have a baby without messing with chemicals and other things.” You shake your head rubbing your face with your hand. “It’s like he changed after we were married. Or maybe he was putting up a good face and I fell for it. If that’s the case he deserves a fucking Oscar.”

Tom reaches out and takes your hand in his holding it tightly wanting you to talk, wanting you to tell him whatever you could. “Was he always . . . so abusive with you?”

“Not at first. Not until every single pregnancy test came up negative. He grew suspicious of me, like . . . I was secretly doing something to keep from getting pregnant. He got more and more paranoid. Then when I finally did get pregnant, things got better for a while. It was like he’d changed back to the way he was before we were married. We were happy, and excited, . . . . but he insisted that I continued to take the medications he gave me. He was adamant about it.” You sigh turning your eyes down again, “After I miscarried, he snapped back again. More paranoid than ever that it was my fault.”

This was unbelievable. Like something out of the movies. A horror movie. “What was he giving you? Do you know?”

You shook your head covering your face with your hands, “No. I trusted him. He was my husband. Aren’t you supposed to trust the one who says he loves you, that you love too?” You took a breath running your fingers back through your hair. “I wondered about it for a while, but then I shook it off. I turned a blind eye to it, I ignored it. I was convinced that deep down, he loved me. Even though we fought, even though we were angry, and disheartened . . . I knew that somewhere in his heart he really cared for me and would never hurt me.” Shaking your head you reach up wiping your tears away, “I’m certain they were just vitamins. Something to help me, something to make me stronger. Make things easier. I’m just being as paranoid as he was. Making something out of nothing.”

Tom felt sick to his stomach, and kissed your hand after a moment. Then he pulled you forward wrapping his arms around you kissing your cheek embracing you tight. You really had been living in a nightmare, telling yourself the entire time it was all just a dream. The debt had nothing to do with a bill you had to pay 50/50. It was Michael’s way of keeping control of you after you’d escaped him. An excuse to keep making you miserable. Sadist was putting it mildly.

The last thing you remembered before you slipped into sleep was Tom gently rocking you, occasionally planting light kisses on your hair. Getting everything out to him was more cathartic than anything you'd ever experienced. And the fact that he didn't run screaming proved just how much you really could trust him. Things were getting better and better between the two of you.

As you slept through the night, Tom was in touch with his lawyers like he said he wanted to do. He was bound and determined to do everything he could to make that bastard pay. "Is there any way you could look at their settlement and some new evidence that's been released? Something has to be done about this, and soon," he said into the phone.

The lawyer on the other end agreed, "Absolutely, Mr. Hiddleston, it shouldn't be a problem. When can you bring the documents by the office?"

"I'll be there first thing in the morning."

~*~  
As promised, Tom sat across from his lawyer early the next day. As she looked through the documents he'd brought her, her face scrunched in disbelief. "Do you mean to tell me, she's been paying for debt he racked up on her card while she was forcibly incapacitated?" Tom nodded. Mrs. Rosalie Cooper, a tall, imposing fiercely intelligent woman in her late 50's, was nothing to be trifled with. And that's exactly why she was Tom's lawyer. "Oh, absolutely not, that won't do. Who even presided over this case?" she demanded to know. As she flipped through the file, she stopped on a page. "Oh..well, that explains it. Judge Davies. He's a half-step away from being disbarred, or was almost a year ago. Seems he got a little too chummy with some of the lawyers in his cases. There were accusations of bribery being thrown around," she explained. Tom's eyes widened and brightened a bit.

"That's it then, (y/n) even told me last night, the judge used to play golf with her bastard ex on the weekends! Can't we use that when we go before a new judge?" Mrs Cooper knotted her mouth a bit.

"Well, it isn't as simple as all that just yet. First we have to review all the evidence. And your young woman will have to come in and tell us everything herself. We have to get a deposition from her, and any other evidence she might still have. Do you think she's willing to do that?"

Tom nodded hesitantly. "I believe so. She wants him out of her life as much as I do. We can't begin our own life together until he is all the way out of hers."

~*~  
You slept soundly through most of the morning, like you usually did. You didn't want to get too off your sleep pattern. You reached out to see if Tom was still there, but he wasn't. He had left a note though-

"Darling, I had to leave early to make it to the office first thing and then be on set on time. I'm so sorry I had to leave, but I just couldn't wake you up. Call me when you do wake up- I love you."

You didn't get out of bed just yet. Tom's bed really was the most comfortable one you'd ever slept in, and leaving it was always a chore. You thought over everything you had told Tom the night before. All he wanted was what was the best thing for you. And truth be told, that was getting Michael out of your life for good. All the pushback you'd been giving Tom served no purpose. It only delayed what you really wanted- to be a mom. Not just any mom, but mother to his child. Maybe even children. The thought of just one made you smile. You turned onto your back and looked down the length of your body. You imagined your stomach with a swell as you brushed your fingers over it. Suddenly the thought of fighting against something- Tom, your ex, all the walls you'd built to defend yourself- seemed incredibly stupid. And you decided you would rather spend that energy fighting for something- you and Tom, for your future, and everything it could hold.

You quickly turn off the shower, hurrying out and pulling a towel around you hearing the ringtone for work going off. “Yes?” You say wiping the water off your face.

“Hey, you still want to work in the pediatric department on a day schedule?” Your eyes go wide.

“Yes! Yes definitely!” You exclaim quickly.

“Can you be here in 45 minutes?” You look at the time nodding at the phone. You roll your eyes realizing he couldn’t exactly hear your head rattling.

“Yes! With bells on!” You say quickly. “I’ll be right there!” You hang up and quickly grab your clothes pulling them on, running a brush through your hair as you slip your feet into your shoes, grabbing your coat and bag. You’d have to change into your scrubs at the hospital.

Getting in your car you quickly put on your seat belt and drive out of Tom’s gated community realizing that you had forgotten to call Tom when you woke up. You punch in his speed dial and listen for him to answer.

“You haven’t gotten up until now? You must have been sleepy.” He says with a chuckle.

“Actually I’m on the way to the hospital; they want me to come into the pediatric ward today. Isn’t that great? I thought it would be months before I would have a shot to get back to my old job.” You say with a bright and excited smile. There’s a long pause and you don’t hear the excitement you had expected on his end, “Isn’t . . . it great?” You ask.

“Yeah, no. Yes of course it is.” He says with a smile, “It’s just that . . . .well they were hoping you would come in today, to make a statement.”

You frown a little bit, “Statement? Statement for what?” You question.

“To reopen the case, and end this idiots hold on you.” He says bluntly. Your eyes go wide as you pull over hitting the breaks on your car.

“Excuse me!?” You exclaim. Tom stops not having expected you to have such a reaction. “NO!” You shout, “No, no, no, no! I am not going back into court over anything! I was lucky to get the 50/50 deal! God, Tom! Do you have any idea how many weeks, how many days and hours I spent in the damn court room! Forget it!” You shout.

“Darling, Calm down.” He says sternly recognizing when you were starting to get hysterical. “Now I told you this is what I wanted to do.”

“Thomas William Hiddleston, you listen to me right now!” You shout, “All I have to deal with is a monthly bill and occasional annoying phone calls from the prick. Doing this? Opening this door? Means I’ll have to deal with his ass face to face all day every day and I don’t want that! NEVER AGAIN! I’ve spent my last day with him and I am not spending another minute with him then absolutely necessary! Leave it alone Tom!”

“Except allowing him to continue doing even that much is getting in the way of your future! How are we meant to start a family and have children if that part of your life still makes a frequent appearance upsetting you, instead of just staying in your past where it belongs? How are we supposed to have children when your ex continues to harass you and make you live in this nightmare.”

You stare out your windshield a moment shaking your head. How could he not understand this? You already told him way more about that chapter in your life then you wanted to. What was it with your getting so emotional lately? It must have had to do with the hormones and stuff they were treating you with. They hadn’t removed the IUD yet, they wouldn’t until the doctor gave the okay to start trying to get pregnant, so you knew it wasn’t that. “Then I guess we just won’t.” Before he could respond you hang up and throw your phone into the passenger side seat, pulling out into the street angrily, the tires shriek, your foot smashed the pedal to the floor. God Damn him.

Tom stares at his phone once you hang up his jaw decidedly Earth bound. Did you really just say that? After everything you’d put yourself through to get to this point? How could you even think to say that?

As you start your first shift back in Peds, you can feel your heart getting lighter. Your conversation with Tom this morning had put a serious raincloud over your parade. But you did your best to shake it off, and paid close attention to the nurse giving you your crash course reorientation. "So since the entire health record is now kept electronically, there's no need for the record room. So we just keep more supplies in there," the nursing supervisor tells you as she unlocks the door with the keypad. You follow as she leads the way in and show you supplies, and you recognize the spot where you comforted Tom about Jacob. You swallowed hard. The image of him so upset and feeling so helpless suddenly took up all the space in your brain, and you couldn't hear a word the supervisor said about where latex-free gloves were to be found. It was that moment a year ago you when you realized the first thing about Tom, and how seriously he took the role you thought he was so flippant about. You shook your head trying to clear yourself of the picture. "Are you all right?" the other woman said. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Where to next?"

Tom refused to accept your answer. There was no way you intended to actually quit all your efforts to have a child, simply because of this asshole. He could hardly concentrate on set later that day, and begged the director to give him a few minutes in his trailer. "Sure, Tom. We'll shoot some of the other scenes. There's a short one we need to get in the can anyway," he told him.

"Thanks, you have no idea how much I appreciate it." Tom excused himself from the set and pulled his phone from his pocket. Dialing your number, he waited for you to answer. He knew you probably wouldn't- you were at work, and lord knows where your hands actually were. When you didn't answer, he texted you-

*When do you get off tonight? We need to talk. -T*

After a couple minutes, his phone chimed.

*I get off @7, but there's nothing to talk about*  
*There's plenty to talk about, don't be ridiculous. -T*  
*So now I'm ridiculous? Now I really don't want to talk, thanks*  
*I didn't mean it like that, you know that. We really need to talk tonight. Will you please come back tonight? -T*

You looked down at your phone screen. How did he not understand? It was like reopening a scar you did everything to heal. Why did he have to dig at it like this? You had just told yourself to stop fighting everything this morning, but this is not at all what you had in mind when you made that deal with yourself.

 

*Fine. I'll be there.*  
*Thank you. I love you, I'll see you then. -T*

 

When Tom didn't get a response from his last message, he figured you were still angry. But at least now he figured he could talk some sense into you.

Yup, proof you were back in the pediatric ward. You weren’t clocked out until almost a full two hours after your shift was over, and here you stood in a hot shower washing the puke and jello out of your hair. Strangely . . . it wasn’t annoying but kind of comforting being back where you belong.

The majority of the people you had worked with had either been fired, quit, or moved to different departments. There were only one or two people there you still new, but it seemed the problem cases had moved on and been replaced with people who actually cared about their work and their patients and doing their best. It was so refreshing. Completely washed, rinsed, repeated, conditioned and sparkling clean you come out of the shower with a towel wrapped around you going to your locker as you dry off. You take out your phone and sigh seeing your inbox full of missed calls, voice mails, and texts. Most, if not all, were from Tom. No doubt freaking out of his mind because you hadn’t called him, returned his messages, and you were almost 3 hours off the clock. Good. Make him sweat a little for digging around in matters he shouldn’t be.

You stopped seeing a missed call from Dr. Miles, and punched in the number to place his voice message. “Hello. I just wanted to let you know that your last set of test results came in. Everything looks great. Your hormone balance is back up to normal levels and remaining steady. Seems like you’re about ready to start trying to get pregnant, I see no reason why you can’t. Call the office tomorrow and we’ll set up an appointment to remove your IUD as soon as you’re ready. Have a good night.” Then it ended.

Taking your phone away from your ear you just stare at it. “Fucking seriously? Today of all days? You have to call me with THAT!” You say shouting at the phone, so basically just to yourself. You sigh shaking your head and put your phone down in your locker pulling out your street clothes. You finish drying off and pull them on, before combing your hair out starring in the mirror. Not really seeing yourself but lost in thought.

Really? He said six months to a year, it had only been 4 months since starting your treatment and checkups every two weeks. And here Tom was, ready to bring Michael right back into your life by the nose when you had fought so hard to get away from the bastard. Of all the times . . . . “Fuck.” You say closing your eyes leaning your head against the mirror. This was getting complicated. “Why can’t you just leave sleeping dogs lie?” You whispered against the glass. God, what on earth possessed you to tell him all of that crap that went on with Michael. If you were right, and if there was something dodgy about the meds he was giving you . . . wouldn’t that be more reason to stay away from the bastard? Just pay off the damn debt, listen to him whine on the occasional inconvenient and annoying phone call, and in a couple of years he would be gone forever. No. Big. Deal. You sigh leaning back opening your eyes looking in the mirror. No big deal unless someone decided to make it one.

Shaking your head you go back to your locker taking out your purse and jacket putting your other things away and putting on your socks and shoes. You knew Tom wanted to talk to night. Well, Tom wanted to argue tonight, but now . . . fuck you had to think things out. You were supposed to have more time before this stage of things came about. At least another two months. You sigh starring at your phone. Well. You could still have those two months. You’d been talking to Tom way to much about things you shouldn’t have lately. He didn’t need to know about this, and you didn’t have to have the device removed.

Shaking your head you delete all the calls, messages, and voicemails on your phone completely clearing the card. No, after everything today . . . this one was going to fucking stay with you until this other shit got sorted out. Slamming your locker shut, you put on your jacket putting your bag over your shoulder and head down to your jeep. Getting in, you turn the car and thought for a moment about just going over to Tom’s, but you really did need time to think. Shaking your head you turn off your phone and put it in your pocket, driving home to your apartment.

You changed into your green satin pajamas with the spaghetti strapped top and the short shorts. Sitting on the floor next to your bed in your room, your knees pulled up to your chest, your elbow resting on your knee cradling your head in your hand. You had a mind to lie down and go to sleep, but it wasn’t happening. So you opened a bottle of wine and poured yourself a glass in the hopes a little would help you go to sleep.

Unfortunately, this was your second large glass of wine and it wasn’t doing the trick. Your mind was plunged back into the few years you were married to Michael. You didn’t know what was wrong with you at the time, blaming yourself for everything, letting him blame you for everything. Why couldn’t you just take a good look at him and realize he was a complete asshole and walk away sooner. Instead you were like this groveling, sniveling, doormat, letting yourself be his punching bag. Even when the marriage was over, you actually . . . . you actually hoped . . . . fuck, who knows what you hoped. Your head was completely screwed up. Thank God that chapter of your life was long done. 9 years ago. It was a long time, almost a decade. Why couldn’t you just let it go? Why couldn’t EVERYONE just let it go? Was fucking ridiculous. You drain the rest of the wine from the glass before picking up the bottle filling it again.

“Is there any left for me? Or is that the last of it?” You look up seeing Tom, his hands in his pockets leaning against the door jam looking at you. He still had his key from when he was looking after the place while you were gone. Of course he was going to show up, another fight, that’s just what you needed to end the day.

“Two more bottles in the kitchen. Corkscrew is on the counter. Knock yourself out.” You say taking a drink from your glass. He half smiles before disappearing for a moment then reappearing carrying a wine glass, a bottle, and the corkscrew sitting down on the floor next to the bed with you. Opening it he pours himself a glass putting the bottle aside and taking a sip.

There’s a long silent moment before he speaks, “Is this because of me?” He questions. “Sitting here at 3am in your bedroom drinking wine?” He could see clearly that something was upsetting you and was getting better at reading you sometimes.

You sigh a little looking into your glass a moment, “Little bit.” You confess taking another drink from your glass.

There’s another long drawn out pause before he speaks again, “Darling, I didn’t mean to upset you. I just want to do what’s best for you. Wouldn’t it make your life better if he was out of it? This debt was cleared away and you could be free of him?”

“Would be marvelous. But you don’t understand, you . . . don’t understand the situation because I can’t explain it to you. It doesn’t make sense, it’s stupid, and it’s horrible, and I just want to pretend like it never happened. I fought so hard, so very hard to get what freedom I have. I’ve had to rebuild my credit while paying off a gigantic debt, I had to pick up and leave everything I start my life over on my own in a place where I didn’t know anyone and I was alone, all the while feeling like a complete and utter failure at life because I couldn’t do the one thing that all women are supposed to be able to do. The basic function of a human female, to have a family.” You close your eyes knowing this had all been said before and you wished to God you could be as clear, articulate, and eloquent with your words as Tom was but you simply weren’t. “And I wanted a family of my own more than anything; you don’t even know how much I wanted it.”

“And now you have a chance to have that. To have everything you ever wanted. I have every desire and intention of giving you as many children as you want. As we can manage together. But we can’t do that when this is still hanging over your head. Darling,” He sets his glass down turning towards you taking your hand in his. “don’t you want me to be the one to have a family with? Or did you just feel like you had to settle for me?”

Your brow furrows, “No!” You exclaim. “God, what a thing to say! Of course not, you big dummy! I wanted to be with you before that came up, but I knew you wanted children of your own and I wasn’t going to stop you from finding someone who could give you that.”

“Except I wanted it to be you. Even if we couldn’t have one the conventional way there were plenty of other options we could have tried. We can still try if things don’t work out as promised.” He looks at your left hand he’s holding in his as he stokes your knuckles with his thumb thinking about the times he envisioned placing his ring on it.

“And . . .” You turn your eyes down speaking softly, “I would like you to be the father of my children. Very much so. But Tom, we can’t do this if you keep digging around in things you shouldn’t. There is nothing Michael would love more then to drag you into this with me, and get you into court. Don’t think he hasn’t planned for it, he’s got giant dollar . . .” You pause, “Pound signs in his eyes and he’s desperate to cash in. The greedy bastard.” You scoff still not believing he was jumping the gun thinking he was going to get his claws into Tom’s bank account.

“Except things don’t work like that, love. I can guarantee you my lawyers are better than anything he has up his sleeves. If he’s done dodgey things to your medications in the past, there’s a good chance he’s been rather loose with his prescription pad and the law rather frowns on that nonsense.” He looks at your hand again. “Besides once we’re married and I’m your husband I would think I that I . . . . “

“What?” You say pulling your hand from his starring at him wide eyed. Tom stops realizing he had been thinking out loud. “We are not getting married.” You say in all dead seriousness. “Never.” You say in a stern and very definite tone.

“Darling . . .” He starts to reach for your hand again feeling his heart sink but you push his hand away.

“No. There is no argument here. No discussion. It’s not going to happen.” You say more forcefully then before.

Tom drops his hand to the floor stunned. “Why not?” He asks feeling like he at least needed an explanation. You clinch your jaw starring at him shaking your head. Pushing up from the floor you picked up the wine glasses and the empty bottle.

“You need to leave. Right now.” You say stepping over him and storming into the kitchen.

Like you expected, Tom followed. "I'm not leaving, not until I get an explanation from you." You almost shattered the wine glasses as you put them in the sink.

"The only explanation you need is that it's not going to happen, and that's it," you repeated yourself.

"Don't get snarky with me (y/n), tell me why," Tom demanded. You shot daggers at him from the other side of the bar in your kitchen. How could even think to imagine himself married to you? Why would he pose that to you? He stood staring back at you in absolute disbelief. "Don't look at me like that- you're the one who's brought it up every time I even breathe the word 'children' and how you wouldn't even have them if you weren't married!" He flung his arms up before rubbing his face.

"Oh, so this is now my fault? Okay, it's fine, I'm used to being blamed for most everything, just pile this on top of it then!"

Tom retorted, trying to help you understand, "I am not blaming you for anything! How can you be so contradicting to yourself?! I want to give you all the things you want and deserve in your life, and you're pushing them clear away from you!" His words stung and you could feel something coming from deep inside you, but you didn't know what yet.

"Why do you even want to marry me? I'm a fucking wreck, Tom!" you practically screamed at him.

"Because I love you! Is that so hard to believe?!"

"Yes!" The word flew out of your mouth before you could stop it.

"Why? Why are you so unloveable, and why are you so resistant to the idea of me being with you?!"

"Because you're just going to hit me!!" You gasped as your confession left your mouth. Your eyes widened and your hand flew to your mouth. That was it- that was the thing you felt inside you moments ago and couldn't identify, the thing you were terrified of and the reason you pushed him away like you did. The only memories you had of your marriage were the bad ones near the end. Your eyes focused on Tom as he processed what you just said. His chest felt tight and his breath came shallow. His eyes stung with tears. It was like he had just been slapped. He crossed over to you quickly and you did everything but climb over the bar to escape him. It did no good. Tom took your face in his hands gently, and you darted your eyes everywhere but his. That did you no good either, as he chased your vision down to look at you directly. "Look at me, please," he whispered. You swallowed hard and glanced at him for just a second. "No. Really look at me."

You steeled your nerves and looked at him. The tears threatened to spill and his brow was knitted together tightly. "How...how could you ever think, ever imagine, in your worst nightmare, I would ever, under any circumstance, raise my hand to you? To touch you in any way that didn't come from a safe place?" he begged as he stroked your hair and pushed it out of your face.

You breathed and swallowed again. "Because that's what happens in a marriage when I can't keep my end of the bargain."

Tom shook his head. "Darling, this is not some bargain I want to make with you, where if I don't get what I want, I leave. I'm asking you for so much more than just your body. I want your soul. And I would never, EVER, do a thing to dishonor that gift. How could you mistake that?"

You had no answer. All you knew of marriage was with Michael. And he saw to it that you left him entirely screwed. Tom continued, "Have I ever given you reason to think I would hurt you?" You shook your head. "Have I ever done anything towards you to make you believe I'm even capable of that?" Again, you shook your head. "Then why in God's name would you think I would do such a thing?" Tom whispered.

Even if you had an answer, you wouldn't have been able to give it to him. Tom searched your face for one anyway. He leaned in to kiss you tenderly and you didn't stop him. But you were frozen. After the kiss and realizing the state you were in, Tom wrapped an arm around you, and bent over to pull you up. You clung right to his shirt as he carried you into the bedroom. All you could think about was the realization you had blurted out to him as he placed you under the covers and turned out the light, crawling in behind you to join you.

Your alarm starts going off and you wrinkle your nose slightly stretching your back reaching over and smacking your alarm. You pull a pillow over your head and sigh before realizing you couldn’t just go back to sleep. You were on a day schedule now. With a slight groan you kick off the covers and get up from the bed scratching your head slightly as you sleepily go into the kitchen and flip on the coffee pot. With a yawn you head into the bathroom and start to peel off your clothes turning on the shower.

God, what a morning. Maybe it was all of the excitement of yesterday with getting to your old job again with all of the other emotional garbage that was building up in your life, but man you could just curl up on the floor and go back to sleep right here. Sweeping your hair up into a clip you step into the hot shower under the water and start to wash the sleep off of your body.

Hearing the shower go on, Tom raised his head seeing that you’d gotten up and could smell fresh coffee being brewed. He pulled the covers back and got up heading into the bathroom seeing that you were in the shower. He smiled and leaned on the doorway for a moment just watching you through the foggy glass not being able to help but admire the lovely view.

After you showered, and dressed, you walked out of your bedroom to find Tom in your kitchen. "Good morning, love," he said to you and you smiled. He turned around and pulled a mug down from your cabinet for coffee. You took a seat on the other side of the counter as he doctored it up just the way you like. He slid it across to you, along with a plate with eggs and toast.

He was too good sometimes. "Thank you," you said to him as he started to make his own plate. He placed it down beside yours and joined you on the other side of the bar. Tom tucked a stray hair behind your ear as he kissed you before sitting down.

Tom started eating slowly, watching you. "Darling? I really wish you would reconsider coming in." You paused. You knew he wouldn't drop this issue.

"It's not that simple, Tom. You know that."

"I know. And I don't keep harping on it because I'm trying to prove a point. This...man, if you can call him that, deserves far worse than what he's actually getting. For him to treat you like he does, and he's all but gotten away with it for years...I just want you to come down to my lawyers' office and make a statement, that's all."

"No, it's not. What you're asking me is to reopen the scar I've spent a lot of time trying to heal. Revisit the worst years of my life. I know you're doing what you think is helpful, but what you're really doing is reminding me of how stupid I felt back then, and how much I never want to go back," you shook your head. Tom reached for your hand.

You didn't jerk it back this time. "You can't expect me to go running back into that with open arms."

"You're right. I can't. And I can't erase what he's done to you. But I can change what he does in the future, if you let me. Please, will you at least think about it? That's all I want you to do right now." You didn't quite know what to do. But what you were most afraid of was the bastard coming after Tom. You'd never forgive yourself if Michael hurt him. Tom locked his eyes with you, willing an answer from you.

"I'll think about thinking about it," you answer. He smiled lightly at your smart ass comment. You both finished breakfast quickly and he walked you out to your car. Before you hopped in, he cupped your face and kissed you again.

Tom rested his forehead on yours as you held his forearms and whispered, "You have to go, you don't want to be late."

"For you? I'd be eons late." You rolled your eyes playfully and pushed him back gently.

"Shut up and get to work, Hiddleston." He laughed as you climbed into your seat and buckled up.

"Will you call me when you get off tonight? Really this time?" You nodded. "We still have a lot to talk about, you know," he told you.

"I know." He kissed you one last time before shutting your car door, and you drove out of the lot. You two did have a lot to discuss- not even mentioning the new developments Dr Miles told you about yesterday.

You knew you couldn’t stand him up two nights in a row, so reluctantly you drove to Tom’s house when your shift was over. Parking down the walkway, you pause for a moment taking a deep breath. What had you gotten yourself into?

Zipping up your hoodie, you put your backpack over your shoulder and walk to his door. You knock and he opens it in sweats himself, “I was wondering if you’d changed your mind again.” He says kissing your cheek catching your hand and drawing you inside closing the door. “Have you eaten yet?”

“No. Probably should have grabbed something on the way over.” You admit.

“That’s alright, I was waiting dinner for you anyway.” He says with a smile walking into the kitchen. You take off your backpack setting it on the couch before following after him. “So how goes things at the hospital? Better than before?” He questions taking down two plates and starting to dish them up.

“Yeah. Looks like there really was a shakeup. All the problem cases have been fired or transferred. There are a LOT of new faces fresh out of medical school, but that’s a good thing. They haven’t developed any bad habits of cutting corners yet.” He puts your plate in front of you with a fork and knife, before putting his own plate down. You stare at it a moment.

“Something wrong?” He questioned.

“Where and when did you learn how to cook?” You ask in astonishment.

He chuckled a bit, “Picked up a few things here and there. It’s healthier to eat at home then to eat fast food and take out all the time darling. You’re a nurse you must know this.” He says giving you a napkin taking one himself as he beings to eat.

Picking up your fork you take a bite. It was pure pleasure in a bite of food. “Absolutely unbelievable.” You say shaking your head taking another bite. He just ‘ehehehe’ continuing to eat.

“You have tomorrow off don’t you?” He questions.

“Yup. The next two days off. I tried to switch with someone, but no one would.” You say with a sigh. He just gives you a look not understanding why you were wanting to trade in days off when you had been working almost nonstop the past few months. “I just started back in the pediatric ward and I want to get used to it again.”

“You’ll have plenty of time for that, they aren’t going to fire you and you aren’t going to quit. So take the days off you get cause who knows when they’re going to call you in again.” He says pausing eating and getting down two wine glasses and some wine before filling them. He hands one to you and takes a sip from his own. “Have you thought about things?” He questions cautiously.

You take a breath looking at him. “Yes.” You don’t expand and just continue eating. He waits patiently just looking at you.

“And?” He finally says.

“And I still don’t think it’s a good idea.” You say seriously. Tom sighs and puts down his fork. “You said something that was absolutely right.” You begin, “This is all stuff in MY past. All stuff that happened before, that isn’t happening anymore. In a few more years, my debt will be paid off and Michael will be a distant memory. Can you be patient enough for that?” You ask softly.

“What about children?” He questions sincerely, “Must we wait on them too?”

You shake your head a little, “No. I don’t think so.” You take a breath, “Look at Martin Freeman and his partner Amanda. They’ve been together more than 12 years and have children together. They aren’t married. Ricky Gervais and his girlfriend Jane have been together more than 20 years. They don’t have any children but they are still together. Marriage seems secondary in England these days. The important part of things is that we’d be together. We can have a family and be together without some silly metal rings. Can’t we?”

He sighs looking down a moment. “I suppose we could do that.” He says keeping his eyes turned down. It was apparent that he wanted the whole package. The wedding, the rings, the license, the whole thing. “What name would our children have?”

“Yours. Of course yours. If . . . you wanted to give it to them I mean.” You say looking down a moment. Tom wasn’t an idiot, he knew exactly why you were doing this and putting your foot down on the marriage idea. Because this way everything would remain separate. Property, bills, bank accounts, everything would remain separate. You were attempting to prevent Michael from getting any kind of a foothold. And even though his name and your children’s names would be ‘Hiddleston’ yours wouldn’t be. You’d be a family, but somehow at the same time, you would be an outsider. That bothered him a great deal but he wasn’t going to say it.

He takes your hand and kisses your knuckles going back to eating. Both of you were keeping secrets now. You, that the doctor had given you the green light to start trying, and Tom . . . . the fact that he was going to pursue this anyway. If Michael was gone, he was certain you’d reconsider marriage. You weren’t going to budge an inch until that was done. Even if he had to just straight out pay off the rest of your debt anonymously. Michael needed to go.

Later that week, Tom paid a visit to Luke again. "Tom, don't you think this is a little too much?" Luke confronted him in his office. "I mean, she's just trying to protect you, this guy is pretty much the epitome of vicious."

"Luke, that's exactly why I have to do this, to get her away from him, once and for all. She'll never even consider marriage again if he's still in her life like this," Tom defended. "And when the time comes, and she is able to get pregnant, who's to say the stress from this won't have an affect on the baby? (Y/n) probably hasn't thought about it from that perspective, and I won't take the chance when it comes."

Luke practically glared at Tom. He really was his most trying client, and irritating friend. After a beat and an exasperated sigh, Luke relented. "Fine. Let me see what I can find out. What was it you wanted to know again?" Tom almost jumped out of his seat.

"All I need is the amount of the debt, and who to pay for it." Tom hopped up from his seat and pulled Luke in for a hug. "You have no idea how much I appreciate this," he said. Luke rolled his eyes and hugged him back lightly.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Get back to set before I change my mind." Tom left the office feeling lighter than when he walked in. Luke dropped down in his desk chair, groaning with his hands covering his face. "One of these days, I'm just going to throttle him."

You all but fell into a chair in the break room. Your shift was half over but it felt like ages away. As much as you loved being back on peds, it took it out of you immensely. You only got a moment of peace before the door slung open. It was one of the new nurses, Miranda. "(Y/n), can you please help me with something? The baby in 24 is just getting so fussy and we can't get her to eat. You were so good with her last time, could you help me out?" Being a new grad, Miranda wasn't quite as well-versed as you would have liked, but she was willing to listen and learn everything you'd taught her so far. So obligingly, you stood and followed her out of the lounge to the room.

You heard fussing before you opened the door, and saw the baby's mother, Cindy, in tears. "I don't know what to do, and she won't stop crying!" she bemoaned. You shut the door and Miranda followed behind you like a shadow.

"It's all right, let me take a look," you said comforting the mother. She handed the little bundle over to you, and you placed her in the crib. Right away, you noticed little things. "Well first, let's reswaddle her. That alone can make a world of difference. Then we'll get some formula in her little tummy, okay?" Cindy nodded and watched as you carefully unwrapped and then rewrapped her baby, and tucked her in your arms. You cooed down at her as the baby calmed and made little gurgles. Miranda had gone and gotten a bottle for her, and you showed the both of them how to hold it just so.

Cindy was thrilled. "You must have a few of your own, you're so good at that," she complimented you.

You bit your lip with a smile. "No, none of my own. Not yet anyway."

Your hair tied up in a bandana, you stood vacuuming every inch of your apartment, having already scrubbed and mopped your bathroom and kitchen floors. Maybe it was because you were a nurse that you made sure to clean your apartment thoroughly at least once a month, whenever you had a day off. Regardless of wither or not staying in bed and sleeping all day was more appealing.

You heard a knock on your front door and paused waiting for a second one to make sure you weren’t hearing things. Then you quickly turned off the vacuum. “Hold on! Hold on, one minute!” You call out hurrying over and turning off the radio. You unlocked the front door, “Sorry I didn’t hear you right away and I . . . .” You stopped cold starring wide eyed at your ‘visitor’.

“Hello dear one.” The man said with a smile that sent chills down your spine as he leaned his hand on the doorway.

For a moment you couldn’t form words, then cleared your throat forcing them out. “Michael.” You breathed starring at him feeling a knot in your chest. “What are you doing here?”

“You haven’t been answering or returning my phone calls. I think we need to have a chat.” He says plainly.

“No. We really don’t. I’ve been allowing you to bend the rules of the settlement way to much by answering your phone calls in the first place. Now you’re flat out breaking them? This needs to stop.” You start to close the door but he reaches out stopping it with his hand. Your eyes went wide as you tried to force it closed but he was too strong and easily pushed the door open stepping inside. “Leave. Leave right now Michael or I’m calling the cops. You shouldn’t even have this address, it’s the whole reason I have a P.O. Box.” You couldn’t let him see how nervous you were, but you were becoming rapidly more and more panicky inside.

“Charlotte sends you her love.” He says looking around your apartment as though he had a right too.

“Bullshit. She doesn’t even know you’re here.” You snap. He picks up one of your crystal figurines and you quickly walk over and snatch it from him putting it back in place.

“True enough. It usually is good policy to keep one wife away from another.” He says with a smirk.

“I’m not your wife. I haven’t been for a long time and I think I’ve paid enough for that mistake.” You say your back straight as a board even though you felt like running and hiding. “Why are you here?” You demand.

“I’ve been told that people are poking around our documents and files. Relating to our divorce and . . . the little bit of trouble there was before then.” He says.

“Little bit of trouble? When you put me in the hospital, isn’t that what you mean?” You say narrowing your eyes. He always did try to downplay everything that happened. Like you were making a big deal out of nothing. “I was under the impression those medical files ‘disappeared’ after I was sent home.”

“Everything is digital these days. You can never be sure something is completely erased.” He said stepping closer. You used to back down when he tried to intimidate you like this, but you weren’t going to let him. Not anymore and clinched your jaw standing up straighter holding your ground. “I don’t know what it is you’re up to, but you need to stop it.” He said in a stern and threatening voice.

“I’m not doing anything. I’m paying on our debt, faithfully.” You state.

“Don’t lie to me girl, you were never any good at it.” He said. You stare at him, and even though you were doing your best not to show it he could see in your eyes that you were clearly afraid of him. “If you don’t stop digging up the past, it just might bury you.” He made a move as if to strike you and you stepped closer to him.

“If you hit me you better make damn sure you put me down for good.” You shout, “But if I’m dead the full balance of that debt will be yours and I imagine it’ll be difficult for you to pay it off from prison.”

He just smiles and chuckles, “And what makes you think, anyone would ever even know I was here? I’m a law abiding citizen, they’ll take my word over yours every time. Just like last time. And every other time you stood before a judge pathetically ‘lying’ about the things I ‘supposedly’ did to you.” He said with that superior smile that he always seemed to use when he knew he had you over a barrel.

You swallow the lump in your throat, “Leave.” You demand. “Get out of my home.”

He half smiled and turned as if to leave allowing you to take a breath. However he spun back around grabbing you by the throat and slamming you up against the wall. He stretched you against it so your toes were barely brushing the floor. Your eyes were watering as you clutched to his wrist unable to breathe. “This is your only warning. I won’t tell you again. Leave things in the past were they belong.” He leaned closer, “Otherwise my next visit, truly will be the last.” He squeezed your throat even tighter causing your eyes to roll back. Then he dropped you onto the floor as you gasped for air, your eyes watering as you coughed and choked.

When you looked up again, he was gone, your front door still open. You crawl over and quickly slap it shut, reaching up and turning the lock before pulling yourself up and pulling the bolt tight. Turning around you quickly grab your phone and try dialing, but you were so scared you couldn’t see the numbers. You sat on the floor next to the wall punching the O button to call the operator. It only rang twice before someone picked up, “Hello? Hello please, I need the poli . . . . . .” You stopped cold. Remember everything from before and feeling the way your neck was hurting. He was still so incredibly strong. Closing your eyes, tears streamed down your face as you wrapped your hand around your throat. You take a breath, calming down. “I’m sorry.” You say almost in a whisper, “Wrong number.” With that you turn off your phone, holding it your hands.

Wrapping your arms around yourself you lean over feeling sick, your legs crossed, your head almost on the floor as you close your eyes tight trying to keep it together. You couldn't tell anyone. It never worked when you called for help before. He'd covered his tracks to well. He would have a dozen witnesses saying that he was never here. You'd just look crazy, all over again. It was better just to keep it to yourself. If you had any chance with making a life with Tom in the world, you had to keep your mouth shut. You covered your face in your hands not being able to stop crying, Not having felt so scared and helpless in a long time.

Tom bounded up the steps to your flat, excited to see you. It had been a rough day of shooting and all he wanted was to spend time with you to forget about the day. "Darling, it's me," he called out as he knocked and then opened the door. He glanced around, looking for you for a moment before hearing the shower running. Tom got a naughty idea and decided to act on it. It had been a few days since the two of you had made love, and now seemed like the perfect time. He slowly peeled off his t-shirt and dropped it on the bed as he came into your bedroom. He made a move for the fasteners on his jeans. But stopped as he heard you. You were standing in the shower almost bent over at the waist, struggling for breath still. Michael must have bruised your windpipe, you thought, and you hadn't been able to catch your breath since. The sobbing didn't help matters. When Tom heard you, he pushed the bathroom door open and saw you bent over through the curtain. It made him shiver, and not in a good way. "Darling, what's the matter? Are you all right?" You froze. You had run out of time to get ready, and you had hoped to just hide this whole thing from him. Not anymore. "Sweetheart, talk to me, what's going on? Are you okay?" he asked as he pushed the curtain back a few inches, just to check on you.

You tried to move your hair over your neck so he wouldn't see. Maybe, you thought, if he didn't see my neck, he won't question anything. I'll have time to put some makeup on it and he'll never know, you told yourself. You didn't move fast enough to cover it with your hair. And there was no mistaking he saw it once you looked up at him. Tom's eyes doubled in size and his jaw went slack. He reached in and turned the water off and grabbed your bath towel. "Darling, what the hell is going on, what happened to you?" he asked as he wrapped you up. You were still trying to stop your sobbing, failing miserably, and couldn't really get a breath to explain away why you looked like you did.

You were able to squeak out, "Nothing, I'm fine, I just....fell earlier and...landed funny."

"Look at me," Tom said as he took your chin between his thumb and forefinger. You didn't raise your head, just your eyes, to keep him from seeing, but it was too late. The red, angry welts had reached their peaks and the skin underneath them was already a light shade of purple. You saw the blood drain from his face as he processed it. "Who did this? What happened to you today?" he gently demanded.

"It's nothing, I'm fine." You had lied a million times about where your bruises came from with Michael, and once more wouldn't hurt at this point. You started to step out of the shower to finish getting ready, but Tom wouldn't let you get any closer to the door once you were out of the tub.

"Did he do this to you?" he asked in a voice just above a whisper. He pushed a lock of dripping hair off your face. You couldn't look at him. All you could think about was Michael's warning from before. And if he would come back after you, he would have no problem looking for Tom. But looking at Tom's face, you knew you couldn't lie. He asked again, "Did he come here and do this to you? Please tell me."

It was an eternity for Tom before you answered. Holding you up waiting for, hoping for an honest "no" from you. A "no" he knew he wouldn't get. And when you gave him a barely perceptible nod, he felt his world crash down around his ears. The woman he loved more than anything else had been attacked in her own home. The monster who had taken more than a decade of her life knew where she lived in supposed safety, and that was gone now. He pulled you close, wrapping his arms around you tight. After a few minutes he pulled back and bent over a bit to be eye level with you.

"Sweetheart, you have to listen to me, okay? I want you to finish getting ready and take everything with you that you'll need for a little while. You are coming with me, and you are never coming back here again, all right? Not without me and a bodyguard both."

Now wasn't the time to argue. You nodded solemnly as Tom kissed your forehead and left the bathroom to find your biggest travel bag in your closet. You slipped a pair of jeans on and one of his shirts you liked to keep at your place, and grabbed what you knew you would need for the next few days. Your hair still wet, he stayed as close as possible while walking you out to his car. Tom gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles as he drove you both back to his home. This was now the time to seethe. He felt his blood start to simmer as he replayed what had just happened in his mind. Michael would pay dearly for what he had just done to you. Tom would see to it personally, no matter the cost.

You sit cross legged on Tom’s couch in silence scrolling through some things on your phone. Not really seeing anything, just wanting to look busy. Tom comes out of the kitchen with some ice wrapped in a cloth and sits beside you, gently smoothing your hair back from your neck and carefully placing the icepack over the worst of the bruising. You flinch slightly closing your eyes. After a moment it did feel a bit better.

“We’ll ice it for a while until the swelling goes down. Then heat to make the muscles relax.” He says continuing to stroke your hair. He sees your phone in your hands and sighs softly, “You should let them know you aren’t coming in tomorrow. So they can find someone to cover your shift.”

“I can’t just skip work.” You say softly. “I’ll just wear a shirt with a high collar under my scrubs. It’s cold enough now, no one will question it.”

“Darling, you can barely talk. That bastard could have crushed your windpipe grabbing you by the throat like this.” He says his face twisted in anger trying to control it but it was difficult. Your eyes remain downcast and he could see clearly a look of guilt across your face. “Sweetheart?” He says still stroking your hair.

You close your eyes as tears welled within them as you reached up and wiped them away before leaning your head back against the couch starring at the ceiling. “I don’t know what I did wrong.” You whisper.

He furrowed his brow looking at you, “I don’t understand.” You couldn’t possibly think this was your fault, could you?

You breathe slowly your eyes closing again, “He loves her so much. I’ve seen pictures of her, pictures of them together. Smiling, so bright and happy to be together. He calls her his love, his life, speaks of her like she’s a goddess, treats her even more so. All things . . . I can’t remember him ever doing with me.” Tears escaped your eyes and slid down your cheeks before you raised your head looking at him, “What’s wrong with me Tom?” You say in a broken voice, “Why couldn’t I be his princess? Why didn’t he want my heart?”

Tom had tears in his own eyes seeing how deeply hurt you were by this. He put the ice pack down and drew you into his arms. You close your eyes resting your head against his shoulder as he lets you cry even though you tried not to let yourself. After a moment he kisses your head holding you close. “There is nothing wrong with you, my love.” He whispers. “It is not your fault. None of this is your fault. The fool was blind not to see the treasure that he was somehow lucky enough to have. To treat you as you should have been treated, to care for your heart that you entrusted to him.” His eyes closed as a tear escaped his eyes. He kisses your head again holding you tight wanting to erase everything painful and unpleasant in your past.

It was hard sometimes to breathe, laying awake in your bed alone over the years. Sleepless, unable to stop yourself from thinking back, from wondering why you weren’t good enough. You must have been broken somehow, there had to have been something wrong with you. Because you were alone, thrown away like yesterdays garbage, and he had moved on to someone new. Someone he loved, someone he cared about and looked at with stars in his eyes. Things he never felt for you, but felt for her. Night after night you would choke on your own tears berating and cursing yourself for not being a good wife. Trying to figure out why you were so unloveable. Maybe you weren’t pretty enough, or smart enough, or ambitious enough. That giving your best to him as often as you could, however you could still wasn’t good enough.

Tom kissed your head again before gently taking your face in his hands and looking deep into your eyes resting his head against yours. Wishing he had the right words, wishing he could say what you needed to hear to undo the damage that fucking asshole did. “You are the most beautiful woman in the world.” He whispered a knot in his throat seeing the deep pain in your eyes that you had suffered these past years. “Even if he couldn’t see you, even if the world can’t see you . . . . you are my princess. You are so strong, so full of love that I can only hope . . . you’ll share it with me. I treasure your heart like nothing else. Even though you still haven’t given it to me completely, I cherish it more than I ever have anything my life.” He places a tender kiss to your lips, “On my life, I wish more than anything to have you as mine.”

You couldn’t stop your tears now as he could feel you tremble in his arms. “Tom.” You whisper drawing closer to him as he kisses you gently, anxiously, wanting to kiss all your tears away forever. You kissed him back before you wrap your arms around each other embracing tightly.

Tom knew how you felt about yourself. Michael had managed to convince you that you weren’t good enough. He could see it and hear it plainly. Convincing you that you were broken somehow, not worthy of being loved, not good enough for anyone. For a while because you were under the impression that you couldn’t have children and focused on that. But it went deeper than that, it wasn’t just the inability to have children, you thought there was something severely wrong with you. Having to watch Michael remarry, have children, and give another woman everything you had hoped for. Having him treat her with the love and respect you wanted so desperately from him, and worked so hard trying to have him love you like that. It was maddening, and it was cruel.

His hand moved over your back holding you tight, before moving up to your neck beneath your hair. However the wound on your neck was still incredibly tender and when his fingertips grazed it, it caused you to wince. “Oh, darling.” He said drawing back, “I’m sorry.”

“No, no it’s fine. I’m fine.” You reassured him not wanting him to let you go. But he reached over picking up the ice pack again and returning it to the worst of the bruises. It was going to be much worse by morning, much darker and probably expand around most of your neck. He hadn’t met Michael, but for his hand to reach that far around your neck it must have been massive. At least as big as Tom’s.

He took a breath still feeling incredibly angry, and worried, and hurt, and frustrated. “Please,” he begins, “Please call into work and take the day, and come to the set with me.” He asks you again a sincere pleading in his eyes. “There’s someone I should very much like you to meet.”

“Tom,” You swallow barely able to breathe, and your throat sore. “It’s not a good idea. Right now there are rumors that you’re seeing someone that would only just be confirming it and causing more problems we don't need.”

“I’m allowed to take friends on set darling. I’ve done it before and no one said a word about it. If it gets to be too much being around others then you can go to my trailer and rest.” Your eyes turn down not sure if you wanted that. You still couldn’t speak in a normal voice and chances were you weren’t going to be able to say anything by tomorrow. He ducked his head slightly searching for your eyes, “Please. I would feel much better if you were with me tomorrow. I’m asking you to come.”

You look up at him and took a breath giving a nod. He smiled a little knowing that this was hard for you and kissed your forehead grateful that you were willing to grant his request. “Here.” He takes your hand and places your hand over the ice pack. “Hold this, and I’ll go check on the tea. It should be ready, and the warmth will feel good to your throat.” You give a nod. He kisses your forehead gently before getting up and disappearing into the kitchen.

Reaching up, you wiped the tears from your eyes leaning back against the couch, resting your head against the back of it staring up at the ceiling. Everything was such a mess. Things seemed to be going so well and then as usual, Michael managed to get in the way and screw it up. Tom was so completely wonderful. Here he was taking care of you when he didn’t have to.

 

(Next Chapter -->)


	3. Code Green - Chapter 3

Tom stood in the kitchen fixing tea putting it on a tray, hoping to get you to drink as much as possible. There was someone he wanted to introduce her to on set, a stunt man that he had worked with before on a few different projects and he considered a friend. You didn’t seem to know very much in the way of self defense, and this man was an expert in fight choreography and a highly sought after commodity in the movie world because he managed to make everything look real. He did deep research and seemed to know everything there was to know about anatomy and fighting. He hoped that he would be able to teach you a few things that you could use to protect yourself should Michael ever corner you by yourself again.

He found himself more determined than before to putting an end to Michael’s interference with your life. He didn’t understand why he had abused and tortured you so blatantly, and now Tom was beginning to question if Michael didn’t intentionally cause the miscarriages. Although only God knew why he would do that having apparently wanted children as much as you did. It was all confusing, and sadistic, and purely unreal. Either way, he didn’t want that man anywhere in your life, anywhere near you, not even able to contact you when you were pregnant with his child.

He picked up his phone slipping it in his pocket before picking up the tray and taking it to you in the living room. He had a few phone calls of his own to make, and some arrangements needed to be seen to. You’d been on your own too long allowing Michael to continue to mess with your mind and heart. But that was over with. You weren’t alone anymore, and you never would be again. His days of cornering you and making you feel worthless were over.

The next morning you examined your neck in the mirror. It certainly had gotten worse- overnight it darkened from red to a deep purple. What made it even worse was seeing where Michaels' fingers didn't reach, and the pale skin contrasting there. It was tender to the touch, and you winced as you tried to use your makeup to cover it before you left with Tom for the set. He walked into the bathroom seeing you sitting on the sink counter. You were trying to get as close as possible to cover as much as you could. "Darling, I have something for you, for that," he said as he handed you a reddish scarf with some scrolling printed on it. You examined it closer, squinting your eyes.

You looked at him with curiosity for a moment before rasping out, "Is this...did you wear this in Coriolanus?" He grinned sheepishly in response. You smirked back at him. "Sneaky little thing, you are."

The car pulled up to the front entrance of the sound stage and you glanced around nervously. Michael wasn't supposed to know where you were, but that didn't stop him from finding out anyway. Would he know where you were right now? But something else caught your eye, across the street- a collection of girls with phones in hand, peering on tiptoes to see just who was getting out of the car. The two of you hadn't yet gone fully public with your relationship, and while you knew the moment was coming and wouldn't stop it when it came, you certainly didn't want it to happen like this. Not under these circumstances. You tightened your grip on Tom's hand, and he looked over to you. "What's the matter?"

"Across the street. Look," you told him nervously. Tom looked out the window and saw them. He smiled a little.

"You'll be fine. I've seen them before, I think. They're harmless, love. Most of my fans are." You nodded as the car came to a stop and Tom climbed out. Although they were across the street, you heard their light squeals. And then their gasps as Tom helped you out of the car. You could swear you heard them turn to each other and ask, "Who is that?", and you *definitely* heard camera shutters go off. Tom could see the apprehension in your eyes and rubbed your back.

"It's all right, I promise, they won't hurt you," he reaffirmed. While they might not hurt you, you were sure those pictures would be on the Daily Mail website by dinner.

Tom settled you into his trailer before heading off to makeup and costuming, at your request. You weren't ready to try and be social just yet after last night. "Text me if you need me for anything, okay? I mean it," he told you. You smiled.

"I will, I promise." He kissed you gently one more time before slowly walking down the steps and shutting the door behind him.

In spite of everything going on, you had to admit it was a little exciting to be on a live set. It wasn't like you wanted to ever be an actor or anything, but it was still pretty cool. Being in Tom's trailer felt familiar, like being in his home without him there. You may as well get used to the feeling, you thought. He was certainly a man of his word and was probably very serious about not letting you go back to your flat. You slowly explored the small living and kitchen area, fingering the little things he kept there to make it feel more homey. Pictures covered the small refrigerator: him and Chris, pictures of his family, him and his sisters making goofy faces at an event. Your fingers reached out and skimmed one in the middle you didn't see at first. It was the one he took of the two of you on the Eye last year, right before you left. You pulled it out the magnet holding it in place to look at it closer. Tom looked both proud and sad at the same time in it. You turned it over and something written on the back caught your eye. In his scroll-y handwriting, Tom had written, "I'll never let you go again."

“All right, cut! That’s a wrap for this scene, everyone, thanks!” The director Paul declared. The crew relaxed and Tom and the other actors in the scene took a breath. Scenes like that one were not easy to film- it involved an upset husband of a patient, convinced Tom’s character wasn’t doing enough to help heal her. The character came in brandishing a knife and yelling threats at Tom’s character. His first thought when he heard that was the scene they would film first was to thank god you weren’t there. After the scene cut, Tom took a moment and waved the stunt director over.

“Tom, that was great, good job sticking to the blocking!”

Stephen praised him. He smiled and patted Stephen’s shoulder. “Thanks, man. Listen, are you free for a bit after lunch today? There’s someone I want you to meet if you can.”

“Yeah, that shouldn’t be a problem. Most of the scenes this afternoon don’t have any action in them, so I should have plenty of time,” he said. Tom smiled at his friend and squeezed his shoulder.

“Wonderful, I really appreciate it. Just come by my trailer when you’re ready.”

At first, you were completely livid with Tom for telling someone else what was going on. You already felt as though you should have kept it to yourself. But when you saw Michael in person, felt his hand around your throat . . . it was all real and felt like it was happening all over again. You realized that he had to tell Stephen what was going on so he knew what it was you needed to learn and why.

When Tom went back to set, Stephen took you to the practice center on the lot where he and the other stuntmen would practice and work out their moves. He was very kind, understanding, and an exceptionally good teacher. No wonder Tom thought he was the best for the job.

When the work day was over, Tom headed back to his trailer to find you. Stephen had worked you hard wanting you to know what you could and couldn’t do and how to take on someone larger and stronger then you were. Stephen saw Tom and smiled waving him down, “Hey.” He said walking to him.

Tom looked around, “Where is she?” He questioned.

“She went back to your trailer a few minutes ago. She’s a quick learner, but I had some things for her.” He handed Tom a box.

“What is it?” Tom questioned curiously opening it.

“This is a taser. Looks like a cell phone so unless someone knows what they’re looking for they won’t know what it is. This, is pepper spray. Pretty strong stuff, she doesn’t even have to get it directly into his eyes. Just on his skin and it will definitely get his attention. These,” He said taking out what looked like two short sticks, “She doesn’t know how to use these yet, and technically they are weapons. But once again, not many people know what they are so they would have to know what it is they’re looking for if they come across them.”

Tom cocks his head not sure he knew what they were either. “How can sticks be weapons?”

Stephen grins and presses the locks on each one with his thumb before snapping them out turning them into 3 foot rods instead of the small sticks that fit in your hand. “They’re batons, Tom. But like I said, she doesn’t know how to use them yet but I’ll teach her. Maybe don’t give these to her yet until I do show her?” He said folding them back into place securing the locks. Tom ‘ehehehe’s and shakes his head a bit. Stephen grins a moment before his smile fades, “Tom,” He begins seriously, “I saw the marks on her neck.” Tom’s smile faded as well closing the box. “He could have killed her if he pressed just a little harder.”

“I know.” He said looking down, “I’m working on getting this matter dealt with. She’s moved in with me now, and there’s no chance he’ll get to her past the guard at the gate. But I want him gone out of her life.”

“Let me know if I can help. No woman should be subject to that sort of sadistic abuse.” He said clinching his jaw. Tom gave a nod and they shook hands before they parted ways and Tom continued back to his trailer. Opening the door he found you laying on the couch sound asleep. He smiled. He’d worked with Stephen before and knew he could be a bit of a slave driver. He pushed you to the edge and beyond, showing you that you could do things you didn’t think you could.

Putting the box down he walked over and sat beside you gently stroking your hair back over your shoulder just watching you rest. His eyes were fixed on the marks on your neck that were deep purplish black now. That bastard, how could he do this to you? How could he come back after almost a decade and dare to lay a hand on you? He never should have treated you in such a way to begin with, but you weren’t his anymore. You were his angel, and no one was going to hurt you again. He wasn’t going to allow it.

You stir a little bit and stretch your back before you open your eyes seeing Tom sitting next to you. “Hey sweetheart.” He says with a smile.

“Hey.” You say smiling back.

“I’ll bet your starving. I know I’m famished. What do you say we grab something for dinner on the way home?” He suggests. You nod a little bit. He leans down and kisses you before standing and helping you to your feet. He helps you put on your sweater and then your scarf before kissing you again and wrapping his arm around you as the two of you left the trailer heading home.

Later, having showered and changed into your pajama’s when getting back to Tom’s house, the two of you sat in the living room by the fire on his couch. You lay across it your head resting on his lap as his hand rested on your side stroking gently as you both just watched the flames dance in the fire place.

“I think we should have the rest of your things moved from your apartment. We’ll put them in storage for now; decide what to do with them later.” He says softly.

“I need to find a new apartment Tom, I can’t just live here with you. You have a life. You don’t need a charity case leeching off of you.” His hand stops stroking your side as he looks down at you.

“That . . . is utter nonsense, and you know it.” He said seriously. “You aren’t ready for marriage yet, alright. I accept that for now. But if we are going to have a family together then I don’t see why you imagine we’ll be living apart. That isn’t how families work. Married or not.”

You roll onto your back looking up at him. “We never even got around to discussing moving in together, Tom.” You pointed out. “You didn’t ask me to move in with you, you brought me here because it wasn’t safe at my flat anymore. I’m here . . . . out of necessity not because you wanted me here.”

Now he was beginning to understand better. He gently cupped your face in his hand, “Alright. Perhaps . . . this wasn’t the ideal way to ask you to move in with me, but . . . I’ve wanted you to for a while. And as soon as we’re given the green light for children, we’ll be spending every night together anyway. And mornings.” He says causing you to smile a little, “and lunchbreaks. Afternoons. Before dinner, after dinner, once or twice at bed time, then various more encounters before dawn . . . .” You can’t help but laugh causing him to grin that he could make you smile.

“Going to carry a mattress around with you, are you?” You question.

“Hmmm, beds are optional during daylight hours I think. It might be a little tight in the Jaguar but in a secluded place the hood could be put to excellent use . . .” You grin and shake your head grabbing the collar of his shirt pulling him down into a deep kiss. He grins and wraps his arm around you pulling you up kissing you deeper. His hand strokes your cheek before his fingertips started to stroke down your face to your neck. You didn’t mean to wince but it was still tender and hurt. “Darling.” He says cupping your head gently in his hands. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.” You say sitting up wrapping your hand around your neck a bit embarrassed still. “I’m sorry.” You stand up and head into the bathroom taking out a medication bottle and shaking out a few pain killers popping them into your mouth. Leaning down you turn on the water and take a couple of handfuls to help you swallow them. You sigh washing your face with the cold water before standing drying your face off with the hand towel looking into the mirror. What a mess.

A few days later, Tom was seated across from Luke in his office. Luke had called the night before and said to come in first thing in the morning. "What did you find out?" Tom asked.

Luke started, "a Well, a few things actually. Firstly, the amount of debt this man racked up is insane. Even today, her share is almost $12,000."

"Done, consider it paid," Tom said immediately. The second thought through his head was 'Dear god, what did he buy that you were still owing that much on?'

But Luke had other news. "Something else interesting we uncovered...we talked to one of this man's former practice partners. It seems he had raised a concern about just how loose he was with his prescription pad. The internal bureau brought it to the attention of the medical board, but nothing was done about it. Again, guess who he just happened to play golf with?"

Tom knitted his eyebrows together and gave Luke a look. "How can that happen?" Luke shrugged.

"Not sure. But quite honestly, it's a matter of public safety at this point. I wanted to tell you, I think this should all go before a judge, or something."

Tom flinched for a second. If all this did go before a judge, you would have to testify. And he knew it would be easier to get you to do pretty much anything than it would be to face Michael in a courtroom again.

~*~  
You stood in the bedroom, hanging your clothes up in "your" closet. That still sounded so strange to you- this was your home now. With Tom. As you heard the front door unlock, you walked out to meet him in the living room. "There's my darling," Tom greeted you. You grinned and pulled him in for a sweet kiss. "Are you feeling all right?" he asked as he pulled your hair back from your neck.

You still felt wildly vulnerable for anyone to see your bruises, but at least they were healing quickly. No doubt as a result of the vitamins Dr Miles had given you. "I'm fine, Tom."

You smiled a little and bit your lip, and made the plunge. "I have to tell you something. I should have told you earlier, but..."

Tom gave You a look. "Darling, what is it? Is everything all right? Did he come by here??" He asked concerned.

You shook your head. "No, nothing like that. Come here," you said as you took his hand and guided him for the couch. You sat facing each other, looking at the nervous expression on his face. You bit your lip again. "I got a call last week from Dr Miles' office. I know I should have said something to you earlier, but with everything else that happened-"

Tom interrupted you, "It's all right, sweetheart. I understand. What did he say?"

You readied your poker face- you didn't want him to know before you actually said anything. "He said...that...everything was at the levels it needed to be, and....to call and make an appointment to have my IUD removed whenever we're ready." As the last words left your mouth, Tom smiled brighter than you'd ever seen. It was practically blinding.

"What?! Are you serious? This early? It's hardly been five months, he said it would take six months to a year before everything was ready!" he cheered.

You smiled and replied, "Well, doctors are wrong all the time, quite honestly. You never know exactly how someone's body is going to react and--hmm!" Tom had taken your distracted speech as an opportunity to pounce. He attacked your lips, but cradled your head for fear of your still-sore neck. You laughed against him and run your hands up his chest. "Hold on, big boy. The IUD isn't out yet! I still have to call for the appointment!"

"Does he do nights? House calls?" Tom breathed excitedly.

You laughed again. "No, I don't think so. I can call first thing in the morning for the appointment, though."

Tom stood and pulled you with him. He lowered his lips onto yours again and murmured, "I'd say a little practice is in order though, wouldn't you say?"

Tom had a week of shooting away from London which came at a good time. A good time in your mind, and excruciatingly inconvenient time to Tom’s way of thinking. The morning he left he went to the airport and you went to see Dr. Miles who removed your IUD and did a full pelvic exam and ran some final tests which all turned up perfect.

“So we’re good to go?” You ask softly.

“Definitely. Keep taking your meds religiously, if you have any questions or concerns at all give me a call and we’ll get you in right away.” He said with a smile. You give a nod taking a nervous breath. You’d done everything you were supposed to, now the day was here and it was hard to believe. You kept waiting for the catch but according to Dr. Miles there wasn’t one. “Chances are it’s not going to happen instantly. It will most likely take a little while, but that’s normal. So don’t get discouraged.”

“You’re sure everything is alright? Tom’s tests all came back normal too?” You question. He smiles and gives a nod.

“Yes. You are both perfectly healthy. There is nothing to worry about.” You nod, smiling knowing you were just being silly.

“Well, it’ll be a nice welcome home surprise for when Tom gets back next week.” You shake his hand, “Thank you so much for all your help. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.” He walks you to the door.

“You have my office number, and my personal cell phone. Everything is going to be fine.” He reassures you again. You nod and turn leaving the office. Your smile brightens not able to suppress your excitement. You were going to get to be a mom.

You and Tom agreed that your endeavor was going to remain private, strictly between you and him. He hadn’t told anyone, not even Luke and you sure didn’t breathe a word of it to anyone else. As far as the rest of the world was concerned, you were just seeing each other. A fact that hadn’t even been confirmed officially yet. There was enough pressure in your lives right now, you didn’t need outside pressure of other people knowing you were trying to get pregnant and keeping tabs on your progress or lack of progress. No, this was best a secret kept between the two of you. Besides, it didn’t belong to anyone else, just you and Tom and . . . . for some reason, that made it even more exciting.

Laying on your back on the floor in the living room, with your feet propped up on the couch, you were listening to music your feet moving to the beat as you scrolled through a few things on your tablet. You realized you were probably jumping the gun a little but you were making a list of possible baby names. Both boys and girls names, because it didn’t matter which one you had just as long as they were healthy.

The phone started to ring and you quickly clicked off the music reaching over picking up the phone, “Are you allowed to have your phone on set dearest?” You ask playfully.

“We’re done shooting for the day. I’m in my hotel room.” He sighs sitting down, “Desperately wishing you were here.”

“You’ll be home in a few days. It’s not that long.” You reminded him.

“I know but I’m anxious. Terribly anxious . . . . painfully, unbearably anxious.” He says with a pout. You giggle a little turning over onto your belly crossing your ankles as you lean your face against your hand leaning on your elbow.

“Me too.” You admit. “I know you’ve been through a lot for this too.”

“Me? What have I done? Apart from taking a vitamin every day. You’re the one they’ve had jumping through hoops like a trained hound.”

“I imagine going in for those tests wasn’t exactly a picnic.” You still felt kind of funny about that, but you weren’t exactly holding a gun to his head, he had volunteered.

Tom crosses his arms still not understanding where you thought the difficulty was, “Darling, you’ve been poked, prodded, groped, examined under a microscope far deeper and more often than I have. I went in once and wasn’t violated in any way even resembling the way you have been.”

“Yeah but I’m a nurse. So it’s no big deal. It’s just a body; they have to do these things to make certain everything works like it’s supposed to. I get it.”

“Perhaps, but try not to forget that ‘body’ they’ve been examining so closely happens to belong to me.” A grin sweeps your face when he says that. “And no one gets to hold, touch, caress, or see it in the manner I do. Despite what many seem to think, I am the jealous type when it comes to you.” You giggle a little covering your eyes with your hand blushing slightly. He smiles hearing your reaction. “I have something for you by the way.”

“Oh? What is it?” You ask curiously.

“If I told you what it was it wouldn’t be a surprise. You have to wait until I get home on Tuesday.” He says with a grin.

“What time is your flight getting in? I don’t want to be late picking you up at the airport.”

“No, you won’t be picking me up. Instead you’re going to be meeting me for dinner. I’ll send you the address. You can even drive the Jaguar if you wish.” He offers.

“Nope. No way. I’m not going to risk being responsible if your baby gets a scratch or a ding. Besides, I like my jeep better. It doesn’t growl at me when I turn on the ignition.” You can hear Tom smile and ‘ehehehe’ on the other end of the line.

“Alright. However you’re most comfortable.” He checks the time and frowns knowing you had work in the morning. “You should be getting to bed sweetheart as do I. But I missed you, I wanted to hear your voice before turning in.”

“I’m glad you called. I was missing you too.” You say closing your eyes. You were anxious about his coming home, but you found yourself incredibly nervous too. You weren’t a virgin, not by a long shot, but it certainly felt like the same kind of anxiety and nerves as one would experience losing their virginity.

“I love you darling. I can’t wait to be home with you again.” He says sincerely. “Sweet dreams my love.”

“You too. Goodnight.” You hung up the phone and held it between your hands. Each day brought him closer to coming home, and you were becoming increasingly nervous. It was silly, as nothing had changed between the two of you, but still. It was definitely going to be like the first time. In a sense, it was.

The weekend dragged terribly slowly along, and you weren't even able to pick up an extra shift to distract yourself. You needed the extra time to unpack, but if you had to unload one more box you thought you were going to go insane. Even more aggravating than packing the stuff in the first place was unpacking it not five miles down the street less than an hour later. In fact, as the movers brought the last few boxes through the door, you shooed them back out. "Nope! Put it in the storage pile, I don't even care what's in it at this point!" you fussed.

That night, you had a bit of trouble sleeping. New creaks and noises were always difficult to get used to. You slipped out of bed quietly and padded around "your" new home softly. You examined the kitchen cabinets, trying to memorize where all the cups and plates were, and then moved to the drawers below. Where the spoons were, where Tom kept the vegetables. You skimmed your fingers over the counter and touched the knobs of the stove.

Your feet made a light sound in the tile. Once back on the warm carpet, you glided across to the guest bedroom. The one Tom would turn into a nursery, hopefully soon. You switched the light on and imagined it decorated with pinks or blues, with a dark wood crib in the corner, a little mobile clipped to it. The thought made you smile. You couldn't wait to get started.

 

~*~  
Tom laid his head down on his pillow. As wonderful as Inverness was, it wasn't where you were. He knew he would have trouble sleeping without you there. He thought about how to tell you he had paid your debt in full- how you would react, what you would say. Would you be angry with him, and see it as an invasion of privacy? Or thankful that such a weight was taken off your shoulders? He hoped and prayed it would be the latter.

Tom was starting to get daydreams of his own when he took breaks on set. He pictured the two of you with three, sometimes four children, running around in a big backyard. Every time, his imagination caught the glint of the diamond you wore on your left hand- the one he'd given you. Sometimes the children were in coats and mittens and hats as it was cold and snowy. Other times they were outfitted in little sleeveless dresses and shorts running through sprinklers as it was the middle of summer. His daydream always ended with him pulling you close and telling you, "We make a lovely family, don't we Mrs Hiddleston?"

He couldn't wait to make it all a reality.

You sigh sitting at the nurses’ station starring at your phone. You were pulling a double shift when two of the other nurses came down sick. Tom was coming home today, and you weren’t going to be able to meet him at the restaurant like he’d planned. You’d tried to call him several times, but he didn’t answer and he hadn’t returned any of them. You were starting to get worried about not hearing from him, and called Luke to tell him what was going on if he was the one giving Tom a ride from the airport.

“Did you finish your rounds?” Doctor Jones said coming over and putting down one file picking up another.

“Yes sir.” You say putting down your pencil putting your phone back in your pocket.

“Is something wrong? You seem distracted.” He opened the next patients chart scanning over it.

You sigh, “My boyfriend is coming home today. He’s been out of town since last Sunday. We were supposed to go to dinner when he got in.”

“Ah, so you can’t wait to get home then?” You give a nod. He glances at the clock then at his watch, “Well, if there aren’t any emergencies in the next hour I think you can clock out then. Things are rather slow this time of night as it is.” You give a nod a smile as he smiles back and goes to see his next patient. You liked Doctor Jones. He was a very nice, very down to Earth man who seemed to really like his job and want to do it well. To get people the help they needed. What was even better, the children liked him. Not all the doctors were as fortunate.

You took the chart he’d just set down and opened it to enter his notes into the computer files making sure everything was up to date and current. Life could be incredibly frustrating sometimes. You’d tried all week to pick up a double shift, and then the one night you absolutely didn’t want to be kept at work and suddenly you’re the most popular person on the roster.

It was almost 2am when you finally dragged your tired carcass from the hospital heading home to Tom’s house. When you arrived, you frowned not seeing any lights on in the house. You checked your phone again but there were no messages. Maybe they decided they needed a few more days of shooting and he didn’t come home today. You thought for sure he would have called and told you, or had someone else tell you.

You sigh softly disappointed that you wouldn’t see him today like you’d been hoping all week. Yet on the other hand you found a strange sense of relief that he wasn’t home yet. Locking up your Jeep, you dig in your bag for your house key pulling it out and walked up to the door unlocking it and stepping inside. You closed the door and turned the lock and paused turning back around. There were candles lit in every direction casting a soft glow of light. You put down your bag and took off your jacket hanging it up before following the candles down the hallway, through the kitchen, and into the dining room.

There was a lovely candle light dinner for two ready and waiting. Before you could look around, two arms wrapped around from behind you and hugged you tight. “Hello darling.” Tom says gently before placing a gentle kiss behind your ear.

“Oh God.” You say catching your breath and laughing a little.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He says hugging you tighter nuzzling your neck. “Are you hungry?”

“Starving.” You admit resting your hands over his as he hugs you tighter.

“Excellent.” He grins kissing your neck. Walking over to a chair he pulls it out for you, “M’lady?” He says with his charming smile. You can’t suppress the grin that always appeared when he was being silly sweet. You walk over and he helps you sit down before sitting down in his own seat.

“You’re the one who came in today, and I’m the one who stood you up. Shouldn’t I be the one seeing to dinner and spoiling you?” You question still feeling a bit guilty that work had foiled his plans.

“Darling, I understand that your work is very demanding and important to you. I got in this afternoon, had time to rest up, clean up, and get ready for when you came home.” He smiles pouring wine into your glass before pouring some into his own. Then he picks up his glass holding it out to you. You pick up yours and he taps the crystal together gently, “Cheers.” He says his eyes beaming as he looks at you before taking a sip of the wine.

You smile a little before sipping as well. Those nerves that you imagined were going to go away, weren’t going to give you a break it seemed and only multiplied. As you ate dinner, you listened as Tom told you all about his trip. Every time he offered you a chance to join into the conversation with your week and how things had gone at work, you would just shrug and pass it back to him to tell you more about what happened while he was away. He could see that something had you on edge, but wasn’t quite certain what it was. In the back of his mind he grew concerned that Michael had been around bothering you while he was gone.

After supper, he started to clear away the dishes and you instantly stood to help him. “No no, let me do this. You go change. There’s something special for you on our bed.” He says kissing your cheek. “Go on.” He says shooing you out of the kitchen. You look at him for a second folding your hands behind you so he couldn’t see them shaking before going to the bedroom.

Going inside your eyes grew wide seeing all of the candles lit around the room, the red rose petals spread on the floor and across the bed over ivory satin sheets. He really had been hard at work since he got home today. Walking over you see a beautiful crimson lace and satin nightgown. You gingerly pick it up looking at it finding it was, of course, your size. You clear your throat realizing that you hadn’t been breathing for a moment. “Oh, pull it together girl. Jeez.” You say shaking your head as you take it with you into the bathroom to change having showered before you left the hospital.

A while later, you pace nervously in the bathroom. You changed, brushed your hair, and made yourself look nice. At least you hoped so. The cut of this dress definitely complimented and accented your . . . attributes, and hugged your curves. The matching lace robe was more or less for decoration only. “What is wrong with you?” You say looking at yourself in the mirror before glancing at your hands that were still shaking as you ball them into fists clinching your jaw. “Stop it!” You scold yourself.

Suddenly a knock at the door caused you to jump, “Darling? Is everything alright?” Tom questions having come up to the room and been waiting for you for a while.

“Yes!” You say taking a breath, “I’m fine, everything’s fine . . . . . how are you?” You wince closing your eyes wondering why in the world you just said that. Shaking your head you go to the door and unlock it before opening the door.

Tom’s eyes light up seeing you wearing his gift, “Wow.” He says as a bright smile sweeps his face reaching out and gently taking your hands in his pulling you further into the bedroom. “Is it possible that you’re even more beautiful since I went away?” He says with a grin. Gently reaching up cupping your face in his looking deep into your eyes, “You are stunning.” He breathes starting to pull you into a kiss. You started to give in but then your hands went to his chest stopping him. He furrows his brow a moment not understanding.

“I uh . . . . I . . . um.” You look away not able to turn your eyes up towards him again. He studies you for a moment before he smiles softly taking your hands and kissing them before holding them against his chest.

“Darling . . . . are you nervous?” He asks gently. You blush slightly looking away feeling really really stupid and embarrassed. Tom chuckles a bit pulling you closer and kissing your head before embracing you tightly against him. Never, in the entire time you’d known each other, did you ever seem nervous or embarrassed about being with him. Quite the opposite if your first night together was any indication considering it started out in the kitchen, on the counter, and took the two of you hours to actually make it onto the bed in your room.

He pulls back cupping your face in his hand again staying close whispering softly, “I love you darling.” He kisses you tenderly before looking into your eyes again, “Do you love me?” He questions.

“You know I do. So very much.” You answer.

“Then tonight let me lead, and trust me enough to follow?” He whispers caressing your face. You swallow the knot of nervousness in your throat and give a nod. He grins pulling you into another deep kiss wrapping his arms around you holding you tight.

You threw the last of your nerves to the wind as Tom literally swept you off your feet. It surprised you and you yelped, holding tight to his shirt. He placed you gently on the bed and climbed over you, and bent to place small kisses on your neck. Your fingers reached for the buttons on his shirt and pulled, desperate to get them open. Tom ran his hands across your sides, settling on your back. You pushed his shirt off his shoulders, finally done with all the buttons, and Tom moved down to the hem of your new nightgown. It had been pushed up around your hips in all the excitement. He pushed it back onto its path up your body, planting kisses on every new patch of exposed flesh and paying special attention to your stomach.

You breathed out as his skin brushed yours, feeling his stubble. "Darling, are you all right?" Tom asked quickly.

You almost laughed. "I'm fine. I'm perfect. Come here," you begged, and Tom complied. He crashed his lips into yours, tasting every bit of you. You could almost taste how much he loved you, as you reached for the buttons of his jeans. You popped each one slowly as your tongues continued to tangle with each other, and as you undid the last button, you felt him spring free against the back of your hand.

Suddenly everything began to overwhelm you. All the events of the last year, the work you had put in to get to this point, how much Tom loved you. And how much you loved him. Through everything. Tears threatened your vision, but you smiled. You pushed Tom's jeans down off his hips, and he started to move further down to your center. "No, don't...stay with me here," you pleaded quietly. Tom looked deep into your eyes as you reached down and pushed the last of his clothing off. You saw the small tears in his eyes as he planted his forearms on either side of your head. You wrapped your arms around his neck as you felt him nudge against your entrance. You nodded, and Tom slid himself fully into you. He inhaled sharply at the sensation, and you gripped his back. Slowly, he began circling his hips and you raised yours to meet his. Neither of you looked away from each other as the tension built inside of you. You could feel the coil deep in your belly getting tighter and tighter. Tom's movements started getting more erratic and you knew he was close. You knew he would wait for your release to find his. But it was close- he moved his hips just so and his pelvic bone rubbed your clit, and it was all you needed. You arched your back and threw your head back moaning, and then you felt Tom find his own release.

~*~

Tom lay beside you planting small kisses on your stomach again. You rested a hand on the back of his head, playing gently with his hair.

"Do you think it worked already?" he asked quietly. You had to stifle a laugh. "It's barely been an hour, Tom, It wouldn't even be possible," you whispered back.

He didn't really care for your answer. "I think it took. Hiddleston men are quite strong, if I do say so myself."

Now you couldn't hold in a giggle. "Is that so? Well, maybe our little one will be lucky enough to get your strength, then."

Tom's kisses got a bit deeper and more insistent, and moved up your body. As he reached your face, you could feel heat pooling between your legs again. He breathed against your neck, "I do think it took...but just to be sure, we should have a second go at it. Maybe even a third or fourth."

You bit your lip as he nipped at your neck and collarbone, and you moaned out, "Well, if you absolutely insist..."

You were flying so high today. Two days of spending time with Tom, not getting out of bed very often until you had to come in to work this morning. You couldn’t stop grinning and humming to yourself as you stood at your locker putting your things away. You put on your watch and feel your phone buzz. Taking it out you see a message from Tom, “Miss you XOXO” you giggle a little and bite your lip starting to text him back that you’d only been gone from him 20 minutes.

Suddenly one of the others nurses rush in, “What’s going on?” She says quickly a look of panic in her eyes.

“What do you mean?” You ask seeing how nervous she seemed to be.

“They’ve been here asking questions about you all morning, they’ve questioned all of us, pulled files and records . . . . what have you done!?!” She asked quickly.

“I don’t understand, Brieauna, take a breath. What are you talking ab . . . .” Just then you heard a voice.

“There she is.” You both turn around to see one of the doctors standing with a detective and four police officers. At once the detective waves towards you and Brieauna stands back as they surround you and put handcuffs on you.

“What? Stop it! What’s . . . . why are you doing this?” You ask struggling slightly in a panic.

“Is the name ‘Jacob Anderson’ familiar to you?” The detective asks walking closer.

You take a breath and look down a moment, of course you knew the name. Sometimes when you remembered it, you couldn’t stop from crying. “Yes.” You say softly, “He was a patient here. He died of cancer last year. Before I left to work with . . . .”

“Doctors without borders, yes we know.” The detective says. He turns to the doctor that you weren’t even sure you knew. He wasn’t a doctor on this floor and you didn’t recognize his face. The detective turned towards him and shook his hand, “Thank you, we’ll take it from here.” He waved at the officers who immediately escorted you out the detective following after.

Brieauna quickly went to the nurses’ station, everyone watching as you were marched out by the officers. “What’s going on? What did she do?” She asked quickly.

One of the housekeeping staff close by and leaned in to the small group, “They were calling her an ‘angel of death’.” Their eyes went wide and several gasped. An ‘Angel of Death’ was a term very familiar to them. A term for nurses or doctors who had a belief in ‘mercy killings’.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is fucking ridiculous! They won’t even let me see her!” Tom ranted pacing back and forth standing with his lawyers.

“I can’t help but think it’s a bit of a leap, but they claim there is a substantial amount of evidence. A number of patients have died under her care.”

“She works with terminally ill children!” He exclaims.

“I understand that, but now they have to go through every case she’s ever had a hand in, every patient that’s been lost under her care, everything she’s ever done and it’s going to take a bit of time.” He replies.

Tom scoffs shaking his head, “Well what about bail? How much is bail? When can I bring her home?”

The lawyer clears his throat and pauses a moment. “We can’t. She’s a suspected serial killer Tom, there’s no bail set for that.”

“She’s not a serial killer! I can tell you without a doubt and with more authority than anyone, nothing is more important to her then the well being of her patients! I was with her when Jacob died; he wasn’t even under her care anymore. He was moved to a hospice!” Tom argued.

“Did she visit him while he was there?” The lawyer asked. Tom sighed shaking his head not being able to believe this. "And she left the country immediately following his death it just . . . . none of this looks good, Tom. I’m sorry. Things like this are taken very seriously. We have to be patient. Like you say, she’s not guilty there’s no way they can convict her but they’re going to go through everything she’s done clear back to medical school.”

Tom shakes his head clinching his jaw, “Convicted or not, just being accused is going to destroy her career.” It wasn’t hard to guess who ‘tipped’ the authorities off. If he even did that much himself or if he considered that ‘getting his hands dirty’.

Sitting in the interrogation room was without a doubt the worst moment of your life. You were too shocked to even cry at the situation. And you were beyond certain it was all Michael's doing. A ball of pure rage started forming at your center. How could he? After everything else he'd put you through, he would attack your job again? The more you thought about it, the angrier you got.

Suddenly the door flew open and two people, an officer and someone who looked like a lawyer, entered and the lawyer sat across from you at the table. You did your best to keep ice water in your veins.

"Ms James? I'm Inspector Davies with New Scotland Yard. Do you know why you're here today?" the police officer started.

Keeping your expression still, you replied, "Not entirely."

Davies continued, "It appears there are some very serious charges being leveled against you. Charges of causing harm to some of your most vulnerable patients?"

Actually hearing the accusation out loud caused your face to harden even more. And as much as you wanted to rant, rail, scream against it, you did your best to not say a word. Who knew how deep Michael would go to get back at you, and who knew who was watching your reaction? You swallowed hard and replied the only way you could: "I would never do anything to harm my patients." It was getting harder and harder to stay still under the gaze of both the inspector and the lawyer.

The lawyer addressed you finally, "Ms James, the things you're being accused of are quite serious. Do you have anything to say for yourself?" You pulled your lips apart before you could stop yourself, but at that same moment, the door burst open again. Rosalie Cooper came barreling in, and you breathed a massive sigh of relief.

"Gentlemen, my client doesn't have another word for either of you today, and quite frankly, I find it disturbing you began to question her without my presence here!" Both of the men stood up, backs ramrod straight upon her entry. You said a silent prayer as she closed the door behind her and set her briefcase on the table. "You of all people should know quite well how the Bar frowns upon actions like that, Mr Smith," she said to the lawyer. You clamped your mouth shut. "Now, if you'll excuse me and my client, I need to speak with her. In private."

Davies and Smith exchanged a look and Davies said, "All right, we'll be outside waiting."

As they left the room, you took a deep breath and covered your face with your hands. Rosalie turned to you and patted your shoulder. "Ms James, Tom sent me. I'm going to take care of everything, don't worry." You dropped your hands and said what had wanted to say to the two men. "I didn't do anything wrong, Rosalie, these are nothing but lies! This is all Michael's bullshit, he's making this all up!" you exclaimed. She put her hand up stopping you. "I know, Ms James, I know. But we can't talk about it here, there may be ears. I'm going to talk to the prosecutor again and see what we can do to get you home tonight. It may be a long shot, but he owes me a bit of a favor."

"Where is Tom? Is he here, can I see him?" you pleaded. "He's on his way, you'll be able to see him when he gets here," she answered. This was all a nightmare. It had to be. How could Michael possibly have such influence, and how would he even know about Jacob?

Tom jumped out of the car before it even came to a full stop in front of the station. Luke drove him because there was no way he could focus enough to drive himself. The receptionist directed Tom to the Inspectors' area, and toward the interrogation room where you sat with Rosalie. He tore through the door and practically leaped across the table to you. You jerked up from the chair and threw yourself into his arms. "Tom!" you cried. He wrapped every inch of himself around you in a cocoon. You broke down as you sputtered out everything. "And they think I hurt Jacob! Tom, they think I hurt him! How-- why would they think that?!" you finished. He tried desperately to hush you and calm you down, but to no avail. Stroking your hair, he turned to Rosalie. "What do we do about this? This is all a pack of lies, it's all coming from her bastard ex-husband!" he shouted.

She flipped through the files still laid out on the table. "I don't know yet, Tom. If what you're saying is true and this man is behind all this, it'll come out. But for right now, all the prosecutor can do is follow the evidence. I have to get a copy of everything before we come up with our plan." She took your face gingerly into her hands. "Dear girl, listen to me- if you are innocent of these charges, and I believe you are, we will come back at that man with more force than he will know what to do with. For right now, let me do my job. I'll talk to the prosecutor myself and do everything I can to get you home tonight." You sniffled and nodded. "Thank you," you whispered. She left the room in search of the prosecutor, and you turned back to Tom. Neither of you had words. You only had tears, and wanted nothing more than to collapse on the floor in a pool of them, right in the middle of the interrogation room.

Not long after Ms. Cooper stepped out with the detectives, another officer came in and shooed Tom out. No one was allowed to be alone with her, except maybe her lawyer and even then with a chaperone on the door. Tom kissed you and hugged you again touching your face and telling you not to worry. He takes your hands and kisses them before he walks out of the door.

You sit back down and nearly slam your face into the table trying to bite back the tears. This was a nightmare, a complete and utter nightmare. A little while later, a detective returned, and two officers handcuffed you marching you out.

“What’s going on? Can she come home?” Tom said hurrying into her office.

Ms. Cooper sighed, “No.” She said crossing her arms thinking that this was total bollocks and they didn’t have enough evidence to hold her like this, “But they’ve agreed not to release her into the general population. I’ve also attained gag orders for the hospital, the arresting officers, the detectives, and anyone else even remotely connected to her being taken into custody or incarceration. If anyone leaks even the slightest information about her arrest, the charges, or if a picture or sentence is posted on facebook, they’re looking at 10-20.”

“How did you do that?” He questioned.

“Because she’s living with you and this getting out could irreversibly damage your reputation. It’s in your agency’s best interest and everyone else’s to protect you and keep this all quiet.” She explained. It wasn’t much but at least he had done something for you, however small. “Now, they’re turning up records from her first marriage saying that she had drinking and drug problems and had both her ex-husband and several others confirm this fact. So they instantly ran every single blood test known to man on her once she was taken in. Even though they found nothing out of the ordinary except hydrocordone in her system, I’ll still have their teeth in a jar over that nonsense.”

“She gets blinding and disabling migraines. She takes it for that.” Tom said with a sigh. Ms. Cooper was looking over the file shaking her head, “What?”

“This entire thing is a gross invasion of privacy,” She showed him the list of tests run on the blood panel. This is the list of tests run on her blood.” He took it and frowned. They even tested her for blood diseases, irregularities, a pregnancy test . . . he lingered over the pregnancy test a moment finding it came back negative and sighed. Although it was better she wasn’t pregnant right now until all of this got cleared up. “They’re going overboard and bending every rule in the book because Angel’s of Death are a particularly feared because they pray on those who are sick and helpless relying on a complete stranger and trusting them to take care of them and make them better.”

“She’s NOT a murderer. “ Tom snapped defensively.

“I know. I know, but right now . . . they don’t know her like you do.” She explained. “The more they look into her life the more they’ll realize that she didn’t do this.”

“Would he have given such a tip if he wasn’t fairly certain that he was in any way in danger of being discovered? If anything would trace back to him? She told me that medical records of hers were tampered with or disappeared all together before the divorce. That he had a habit of covering his tracks very well. If he has friends in the justice system, then they could be telling him how to do things to keep from being charged or even arrested.”

“May be. But people who are in league with men like this are usually only out for themselves. They won’t keep his secrets at the risk of themselves.” She said. “She’s being kept in isolation and safe. The gag order helps with that. When we get her out of there, and her record expunged of this nonsense, they better not confirm she was ever there.”

“When can I see her again?” Tom said quickly.

“It’s going to be a few days Tom, I swear to you I’m doing my very best.” She promised.

Two guards led you to your cell. It was out of the way of most prying eyes, but you still had never felt more vulnerable in your life. You couldn't believe this was happening to you. You couldn't believe your ex had such a reach still. A couple weeks ago, life finally seemed to be coming together. And now it was falling apart.

Late in the evening, you heard footsteps coming down the hall towards you. You stopped breathing momentarily, afraid of who it would be or if they were even coming to you. Of course they were, yours was the only cell on this side of the station. You were thankful that at least you weren't in an actual prison. God knows what would have happened to you in there. When Rosalie came to a short stop in front of your cell, you finally inhaled. "Oh thank god," you gasped. A buzzer sounded and the door slid open. She walked right through the bars and sat down next to you. "Miss, I know this is an absolute nightmare for you, and I'm doing everything I can right now. And to do that, I'll need some information from you, all right?" You nodded, ready to give her anything she needed. Rosalie pulled out a pad of yellow paper and a pen and handed them to you. "I need the names of anyone who can attest to your character, and that you didn't do this."

"You can ask anyone I work with, either now or ten years ago- they'll all tell you the same thing: I would never do something like this, EVER. I --" You were cut off when she raised a hand to you. "We don't have much time, dear. I need you to write them all down." You began furiously scribbling every name you could think of. Brian, your old manager; Maggie, who watched you pull extra shifts and work tirelessly to make sure you sent your patients home; even Chad who probably couldn't stand to work beside you but you were certain he wouldn't make anything up like this. The last name you wrote was Tessa Anderson. It was Jacob's mom. If anyone could testify that you were wholly incapable of what they were saying, it was her. You didn't want to-she'd been through enough with her son alone, and now you'd just called her out to reminisce all her memories of the hospital bed where Jacob lived most of his life. But you had no choice you thought. Rosalie looked down at your list and nodded. "Of all those people you just named, there's bound to be several of them to go to bat for you." You nodded quickly and swallowed. As scared as you were, you had to ask: "How is Tom?"

Rosalie paused. "He's certainly seen better days. He's very worried for you, and what this will hold even when you are released. None of this will hold up in court, but he knows the implications of being accused of something like this. He's dying to see you, make sure you're all right."

"I don't want him to see me like this," you whispered, motioning to your clothes. The green pants and jacket you were forced to wear humiliated you, and the thought of Tom seeing you in it made you sick. "Just tell him...just tell him I'll be all right. As soon as I get out of here."

Rosalie nodded as the guard outside the cell cleared his throat, signaling the time had run out. She stood with the pad again and said, "I'll call everyone of these names myself, first thing in the morning. We will get this taken care of, and get you home, I promise."

~*~

Tom lay on the middle of your bed almost in tears. He never thought once you were finally in his home, he'd ever have to lay in that big bed alone again. He held your nightgown, the red one he got for you in Scotland. It still smelled like you did that night, and it served some purpose to comfort him. He thought over everything you'd ever told him about your ex. How could someone be so cruel? What was his vendetta against you, and why wouldn't he just leave well enough alone? You had moved out of the country to get away from him, but he still found you.

He turned over everything in his mind. Then he remembered the things Luke had told him about his partner's concern over his "loose" prescription pad. And then he remembered the pictures he had taken of your neck the week before. And what Stephen had told him when he saw you. Tom sat straight up in bed, trying to piece together what little he could to go against the monster. Something wasn't adding up to just a crazy ex-husband and a debt. He made a list in the notebook he kept on his nightstand and picked up his phone and dialed the number to his lawyers' office. It didn't matter it was near midnight- he couldn't wait to share information like this for another minute.

You sat alone in isolation in your cell staring at the wall. This was a nightmare. You were sitting in jail with the label ‘Angel of Death’. The most horrible thing in the world. Something you would never be and were completely against. You would never harm a child, not ever. Not if your life depended on it.

Michael, the bastard. Why did he punish you like this? What had you done to cross him so that he still STILL feels the need to interfere in your life? You’d been faithful in your payments, you’d tolerated and accepted his phone calls, you bent over backwards to do everything you were supposed to. So why was he doing this to you? Why was he destroying you life? . . . he had a family and life of his own why couldn’t he let you find yours?

Tom was so wonderful, you never in your wildest dreams thought to find someone like him. Much less have him interested in you. Who knew you were going to fall in love with him like this? Originally you just figured it was a little fun while he was working with you, then he’d move on, you’d go your separate ways and life would continue. Then it grew into something more. He’d put up with so much crap from you. Taking the time and care to try and undo all the damage that Michael did to your heart, to your self esteem, to your head and way of thinking. Convinced you didn’t deserve to be loved the way Tom loved you. Believing that no one ever could want you, that you were broken. But Tom, Tom looked at you like you were the most beautiful thing in the world. He fought so hard to stay in your life. Thank God you had relented finally and allowed him into it.

Even more so, it was Tom who convinced you to take another look at having children. You’d given up, you were so certain that you were unable to have them and you accepted it. If it wasn’t for Tom, your chance would have slipped by completely, you would have never found out that you were capable. Now, you and Tom were trying to start a family, anxious to have children together of your own. You smile a little thinking of it.

However, this entire mess might have destroyed all that. This was a serious thing to be charged with. If Michael somehow managed to frame you well enough that you would actually be charged with this crime . . . all of that was over. Your life was completely over. You’d lose Tom, you’d lose the chance to ever be a mom. Tears welled in your eyes at the thought of it as you closed them and hung your head slightly.

What about Tom’s career? How would this affect him if any of this were to get out? Being in a relationship with a serial killer in the medical field. Perhaps it would draw sympathy for him depending on how he handled it, or it would draw scorn and suspicion. You covered your face with your hands feeling ill to your stomach. Maybe it was better if he let you go, you loved him enough to let him go. Not to be dragged with you through the mud into this dark pit. You wiped the tears from your eyes and lay down curling up into a ball trembling slightly. You were truly afraid. As always, Michael had once again imprisoned you in a cage of fear and sorrow.

“Oh my God.” Tom said sitting in the office with Ms. Cooper. “I did this. I gave him the opening.”

“You couldn’t have known, Tom.” She said looking at him.

“You have got to be kidding me. That is what started this? That was what he took to do all of this? To accuse her of such atrocities? Because I paid off the rest of her debt anonymously, and he somehow wrangled that into her being paid off for committing murder? This is utter bullshit!” Tom shouted as he stood starting to pace.

“I know it is. It was stupid, sloppy, and petty because this I believe will open up a whole new investigation into his miserable life. When we’ve proven that she is innocent of these accusations, I believe it brings into question why she was accused of such things immediately after her debt was paid in full. She has no other money, no other assets, she lives from pay check as it is. This is a good thing Tom, this gives us an opening one I am more than anxious to take.” Ms. Cooper explained.

“Do whatever it takes. Whatever you have to do.” He takes a breath, “She and I have plans. Plans that have been put off for long enough, and I don’t want him to interfere with them, with us, any longer.” He said sternly. He paused before looking at her directly, “When he is finally brought into the open . . . I want to see him.”

She sighed and shook her head, “I don’t think that’s a good idea Tom.” She began, “There would be no reason for you to be there. I’m sure that we are going to end up in court with him, but she’s the one who is going to have to be there.”

“And I’ll be there, for her. But I want to talk to him.” Tom insisted. “You saw the pictures I took, what he did to her . . . I want to see into the face of this monster.” The lawyer just looked at him knowing that it would be a liability all the way around. Even though Tom was very cool headed, calm, and collected . . . . he was also deeply passionate, and she wasn’t certain how in control he would be coming face to face with his girlfriends abusive ex-husband.

Meanwhile, Michael was having a meeting of his own. “She’s in isolation Mike, no one can get to her. This lawyer of hers is a fierce force to be reckoned with. They’ll have her out of there before long.”

“Other prisoners can’t get to her.” Michael said before looking at him, “Guards however, are another matter entirely.”

“Mike, you are getting too involved with this. If she’s attacked in the prison, they’ll know who did it and I doubt we can pay anyone enough to keep their mouths shut. Maybe it’s time to just turn her lose and let her off the hook.” One of the others said.

“It doesn’t work like that!” Michael snapped. “She doesn’t get to be ‘happy’.” He growled, “$17,000 dollars . . . she didn’t have that kind of money. The only place it would have come from would have been that pretty boy, toy of hers. Butting in where he doesn't belong. Thinking he's going to be part of her life. He wouldn’t shill out that much and have her move in with him unless he was planning on marrying her. That, will, NOT, happen.” He hissed.

“It’s up to you Mike. I know you have your reasons for doing this,” Although they had always been somewhat vague to those who helped him with his antagonistic behavior towards you. “But I’m just telling you, you have to be careful man. If we can get her released into the general population, it’ll be better if she’s attacked by another prisoner instead of a guard.”

Michael thought for a moment before giving a nod, “I have a few calls to make.”

Three days. It had been three days since you had first entered that cell, since you had slept hardly, or eaten anything. How you were keeping it together you had no idea. And now you were starting to really worry- no one had come to see you. Granted, you begged to keep Tom away and Ms Cooper said she was working on your case. But this rising panic kept telling you, maybe they're not coming because they actually think you did it.

 

(Next Chapter -->)


	4. Code Green - Chapter 4

"My client has spent more time in a block cell than she deserves, on charges that we both know are trumped up on absolutely nothing," Ms Cooper argued to the prosecutor across the table. "We don't even know who is behind these charges, so how can there be a defendant if there is no plaintiff?" Rosalie knew exactly who was behind it, but he had yet to make an appearance. She sat directly across from Smith, who leveled a look at her in an attempt to flatten her tone. It didn't work.

"Mr Smith, you know as well as I do, that every witness I've brought in here to testify to Ms James' character is perfectly qualified to testify again if this nonsense should continue. And you know as well as I do, that this case holds no weight any longer. In a few hours, your own team will have gone through the same medication records as my own team, and will have found zero behavior even related to what she is being accused of having done."

"It's really not quite that simple, Ms Cooper," Mr Smith started. "There has been a pattern of young children dying while under her care, particularly over the last seven years." "Do you mean the last seven years when she's worked on a pediatric cancer ward? Those seven years? Honestly, Smith, it's like you have no idea what goes on in a hospital," she retorted. "Now, I have put in a call to the Chief Prosecutor over at Crown Court, and I expect an answer from him within the hour. The evidence you've presented is flimsy at best, and inadmissible at worst. My client has done nothing wrong, has absolutely no history within the court system neither here, nor in the states. She's not a flight risk. And you know damn well you had no business holding her as long as you have."

The door to the office opened slowly and a paralegal stepped in with a blanched expression. Smith looked up to him, and Rosalie turned in her chair. "Sir, we finished going through the records you asked about." Smith jumped up and closed the door behind him, starting a heated discussion with with paralegal. Rosalie watched through the glass wall as Smith seemed to get angrier and angrier, and the paralegal looked like he was on the verge of tears. Smith shooed the other man away, and pinched the bridge of his nose. Walking back in, Rosalie smiled. "Have a little trouble with those records? Or just have trouble finding any evidence against my client?" she said coking her head to the side. Her phone began to ring at the same moment, and she pulled it out of her pocket.

"Rosalie Cooper...yes, your Honor....I'm actually meeting with him right now, actually.....yes, of course....Ohh, thank you for doing that, sir....Yes, I'll be sure to tell Mr Smith....yes, sir....Thank you sir, you too." She locked her phone before putting it in her pocket. "It appears the Chief Crown Prosecutor looked over some of the evidence we presented to him. Gave a second listen to all those interviews and whatnot. And while my client may be under investigation, she has yet to be charged with anything. Which means holding her in custody for the last three days? We'll be sure to add that to our list of things to address before the Court."

Smith had no words. But he knew who would.

"If you'll excuse me, I'm going to have my client released from jail. I suggest you call ahead and make sure she's ready." Rosalie turned on her heel and exited the office. Smith took a breath for the first time in what felt like hours. She certainly knew how to take all the air out of a room. He walked to his desk, and picked up his phone. But he didn't call the police station. He dialed a number, and it rang twice. When the other end was answered, he told the person on it, "She's being released." He placed the phone back in the cradle and sat down, waiting for the backlash from what just happened. He waited a few minutes before making his next call. "Yeah, Davies? We have a problem."

You never felt more alone then you did right now. They didn’t let you out of your cell at all, you even ate there. Being in complete isolation meant they checked on you at meal times and that was pretty much it. Maybe someone peered in the window of the door at you every now and again. So when the door of your cell started to open and it wasn’t near a meal time, it definitely had your attention. You sat up seeing two guards and the lead officer for your wing.

“Come on. Get up.” He says, “You’re being transferred.”

You quickly reach over picking up your jacket slipping your arms into it, “Really? Am I going home?” You ask hopefully.

“To another wing of the prison.” He says dryly. “Hurry up.” You were a little disappointed but at the same time it would be good to get out of this room. You’d been staring at the bare walls for three days and you felt like you were losing your mind.

You follow the first guard out as the other two glance at each other following after. You couldn’t help but look around as you walked with them. Everything seemed just as drab and depressing as it was presented in the movies. But it was a place of correction and punishment for breaking the law, committing horrible crimes it wasn’t supposed to be fun or pleasant. It hurt your heart to imagine that you’d have to be here for a long time. Especially if you were labeled a child killer. You closed your eyes and swallowed the knot in your throat that would swell and choke you every time the thought past your mind.

Coming to the end of the hall, there was a key code that the lead guard punched in before the door buzzed and they escorted you through it. Two more locked doors and a gate before you started down another hallway. This was definitely different then the parts of the prison you’d already seen and been occupying. Then, coming to a pair of large double doors, you felt a wave of fear wash over you when they opened the door. It was the mess hall and it seemed that the entire prison population inhabited it. You hadn’t seen any other prisoners before now. The first guard stepped through but your feet were frozen in place.

“Come on.” One of the others said pushing you through the door. You took a breath and straightened your back just having to get through. You just had to walk through it to get to wherever they were moving you and it was over. You followed closely to the lead guard not understanding why they weren’t moving faster. You’d be willing to run if they were willing, but it was just a normal steady walk.

Suddenly, there was a commotion on the far side of the room. A fight had broken out and was quickly spreading. “HEY! KNOCK IT OFF!!” The one guard pushed you back, “You! STAY HERE!” He ordered as he and the other two guards rushed over to break up the fight. When they ran from you it felt like you had no idea what to do and had been abandoned. You were frozen in place your eyes glued to the guards.

Suddenly, another group of prisoners started to move and were rushing past you. Pushing you and shoving you out of the way as you tried to make yourself as small as possible. Then you were shoved back even further into the crowd. You were shoved yet again when suddenly you felt someone punch you extremely hard in the lower back. Then a second time, then a third time. Your eyes were nearly rolling back in your head as you turned around and a fist came across your face.

A tall, light haired woman who seemed as though she worked out with weights, her hair in small braids all over her head, with scars visible on almost every bit of skin that was showing was attacking you for only God knew what reason. She came at you again as you stumbled back holding up your hand trying to halt her attack, but she towered over you and punched straight down at you landing you on the floor. You coughed spitting up blood as the inside of your cheek had split.

You rolled over on your back gasping for air as you saw a shiv seem to appear in her hand. You couldn’t breathe as she gave a shout starting to fall on top of you. However you lifted your leg quickly kicking her squarely below the sternum with your heel as hard as you could. She fell back coughing as you’d managed to knock her wind from her.

There was blood gushing from your lips and a huge black mark was starting to appear on the right side of your face from where you’d been hit so hard, but you quickly got up onto your feet knowing if you just laid there you were going to stay vulnerable. She got to her feet as well gritting her teeth as she charged at you again with the handmade knife. Moving faster then you could think, you dodged to the side of the weapon and grabbed her wrist. You pressed your thumbs into the pressure point causing her excruciating pain and the knife slipped from her grasp. Before you realized what you were doing you turned back and hit her across the face with your elbow.

Before anything more could happen, the guards finally seemed to return and pulled the two of you apart. She was immediately forced to the ground on her stomach, the shiv picked up before it would disappear back into the population. You gasped hardly able to stand on your feet as one of the guards wrapped his arms around you from behind nearly lifting you from the floor to get you out of the common area. You looked back at the woman on the floor and whispered, ‘thank you Stephen’ as you were taken away from the general population. A place you never should have been in the first place.

Tom and Ms. Cooper arrived at the facility to pick you up and bring you home only to be told that you were in the infirmary having been attacked by another prisoner. Horrified Tom demanded to see you and be taken to you immediately, instantly Ms. Cooper was on the phone to the judge to relay what had happened with every intention of having someone’s job for this. You were meant to be kept in isolation, there was no reason on the face of the planet for you to be taken from your cell before she had arrived, and under no circumstances were you ever meant to be anywhere near the general population with actual convicts. Something was going on and they were going to get to the bottom of it.

You open your eyes finding yourself in a hospital bed, with Tom sitting next to you holding your hand. A smile sweeps his face seeing you awake. “Hello darling.” He says with a smile.

“Tom? They let you in to see me?” You ask a little woozy.

“You’ve been released. Ms. Cooper and I came to the prison to pick you up and take you home. When we got there they told us what happened. We took you from the infirmary and brought you to a real hospital to see you were given the proper care. Luckily, they didn’t find any severe damage, but you’re going to be very bruised and in pain for a little while.” He explains.

You sit up looking around and he helps you, “Can we go home please? Tom? I don’t . . . I just want to go home, please?”

“Yes, of course darling. As soon as the doctor comes back and gives us the okay we’re free to go.” He kisses your forehead gently having missed you and worried about you desperately. He touches your bruised cheek ever so slightly, tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry darling, I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

You close your eyes and sigh shaking your head your hands resting on his chest, “I’m sorry you were dragged into this mess. God, Tom. I’m so sorry. I never wanted any of this to touch you.”

“Hush.” He shushes you gently pulling you into his arms. You wince slightly feeling the pain in your back where you’d been punched repeatedly in the kidneys. “I’m taking you home where you’ll be safe and can rest.” He kisses your ear stroking your hair gently before holding you tight in his arms again.

You hadn’t really slept since you were taken into custody. How could you? You were in a strange place, you were being treated like a serial killer, and the fear and worry that you suffered just made everything that much worse.

Between the medication that had been sent home with you from the doctor, and the injections they’d given you for pain at the hospital it knocked you out, you didn’t even remember coming home. You were asleep almost immediately in the car. Tom carried you into the house and placed you in bed to let you rest seeing how exhausted you were.

That evening, you woke and came down going into the living room. Tom had been sitting on the couch reading a script. Instantly he put it aside and walked to you, “Hello there.” He says taking your hands and kissing your uninjured cheek gently, “How are you feeling sweetheart?”

“Like I’ve been beaten with a 2x4 and tossed into a pit of rattle snakes.” You admit with a sigh. You look up at him never being more thankful to see anyone in your entire life, “Tom . . . I missed you.” You’re eyes started to tear as you instantly wrapped your arms around him and he quickly embraces you tightly against him. “I missed you so much. I thought . . . . I don’t know what I thought . . .” You breathed not being able to stop yourself from crying. “I was so afraid . . . . afraid that . . . .”

Tom hugged you even tighter against him the length of your body pressed to his, “I’d never leave you darling. Never, ever.” He whispered into your ear. You close your eyes resting your head to his shoulder trying to stifle your sobs. He holds you tight, caressing your back and your head letting you cry. “We’re going to fix this. Everything’s going to be alright. I promise.” He kisses your cheek, “I promise.”

You nod a little trying to pull it together and stop being such a whining mess. “Are you hungry darling?” He asks softly. “Can you eat?” You lean back a little reaching up and wiping the tears from your face. “Okay. I’ll order your favorite, and it’ll be here in a little while. How does that sound?”

You smile a little, “It sounds good.” You say softly. “Is it okay . . . can I take a shower before it gets here?”

“Of course darling.” He kisses your forehead. “Whatever you’d like.” He says with a smile looking into your eyes so happy to have you home in his arms again. “Will you be alright?” He questions.

You nod a little, “I just want to wash that place off of me. Just . . . get it all off of me.”

He nods understanding completely, “If you need me, I’ll be here.” He kisses you gently hugging you once more before you turn going to the bathroom and he takes out his phone to order dinner.

The next morning you and Tom paid a visit to the lawyers' office, and you were surprised to see Luke. "Luke, what are you doing here?" you asked. He had quite an expression on his face, one you couldn't read but you knew it was serious. Ms Cooper motioned for you to have a seat, and Tom pulled out the plush chair for you. "What's going on?"

Ms Cooper and Luke looked at each other before filling you in. Luke started. "Ms James, I'm sure you know by now my firm did some background research on you when you came into Tom's life." You bristled slightly- you knew the importance of it, but you didn't have to like it. He continued, "I have connections many people don't, and I use them to make sure my clients and friends are with people who are genuine, and not trying to take advantage."

"Of course," you nodded.

"When you came back into Tom's life a few months ago, I decided to revisit that research. And I found out some information that may be very relevant regarding your previous marriage," Luke finished explaining. You didn't like where this was going. You could really tell why you didn't like this, but you knew what would come next couldn't be good. Tom reached over and took your hand. "Darling, I know this is hard for you. But we need your help."

Ms Cooper spoke up, "Ms James, do you remember anything about the medications your ex husband prescribed for you during your marriage? Anything at all?"

You thought for a moment before shaking your head. "No. I don't remember. He just said they were really strong vitamins, and that they would help us get pregnant. I figured he'd spoken to a fertility specialist at the hospital, and that's where he got them." You really couldn't remember, it had been so long ago and you tried hard to forget about it honestly. But certain things were coming back, like how they made you feel when you took them. "Why do you ask?"

Ms Cooper looked down to you and exhaled. She really hoped you could remember. "Luke may or may not have found why he's so desperate to keep everything a secret. And it may involve you." You balked. What did Michael implicate you in now? "What are you talking about?"

Luke explained more for you, "We spoke to one of Michael's former partners, a Doctor Evans." "I remember him, he was a great guy. I was always disappointed Michael left that practice," you said when Luke paused. "Yes, well...it seems Dr Evans was a little leery about how loose your ex was with his prescription pad. And the types of medications he was ordering for his patients. Prescribing things like massive doses of anti-depressants for patients who had heart attacks."

"That's not abnormal, I would see that all the time when I worked on the heart floor," you said. "At these levels, it is abnormal. It's possible it was part of a setup. He would prescribe these doses, and then when a patient would code, he could be the one to be there and save their life. Making him look like a hero."

Your mouth ran dry. He accused you of being an Angel of Death, yet he was the one almost killing his patients? You couldn't believe it. But Luke wasn't done. "When you were together, what kind of lifestyle did you have? Where did you go on vacation, where did you shop? That sort of thing?" You looked up at him with even more confusion. "Why are you asking me this? What does it matter where I went on vacation back then?"

"We also think he was receiving kickbacks from the drug manufacturing companies. Massive ones. And I don't have to tell you how illegal those are," Ms Cooper replied. Your head swam, trying to recall every detail you could about your past life- yes, you and he lived well. You took trips all over the place together, lived in a big house, you shopped at nice stores, went out to eat at the best restaurants. You just figured Michael's practice always did so well. Being a heart surgeon, you never questioned it. And it's not like you handled the finances- Michael had an accountant for all that. One less thing to worry about, he always told you.

"Darling," Tom interrupted your thoughts, "can you remember anything? Anything at all?"

You turned to him with a far-away look. "I'm trying. I pushed it all so far away, I never thought I would have to use it like this," you said.

He brushed your hair back off your shoulder and cupped the back of your neck. "I know. And I'm sorry we're asking you to do this. But this could help get him out of our lives, for good this time."

"This could be the key to his undoing, Ms James. We need you to remember everything you can. No detail is too small," Ms Cooper said as she came to lean against the desk facing you. You nodded. You realized just what you were getting yourself into. And as you thought back, you realized this was going to do two things: take everything you had left out of you, and hopefully, make room for everything else you wanted so badly.

You sigh trying another key on your keychain. “You don’t have it?” Tom questions.

“I have it, I have it. I just . . . haven’t been here in a while.” Finally you find one that fits and jiggle the lock until it comes free. “UGH!” You say shaking your head taking it off the metal loop. You turn the handle and slide the door of the storage unit up. Reaching over you flip on the light looking around. “Yup. Everything is still where I tossed it.”

Tom follows you in arching a brow. “What is all this?” He questions.

“Stuff I couldn’t ram into my flat when I moved here. It’s pretty much junk, I’m just to lazy to go through it all and get rid of it.” That was a lie. There were a lot of painful memories in here and you didn’t want to mess with it. You continued to pay rent on it every month because you didn’t want anyone else to mess with it either.

“Well.” Tom says looking towards you, “Maybe I can help you go through everything. Maybe get rid of some of these . . . old and done with memories.” He suggests. You smile softly and look at him. He wanted so much to help you. Even with something as dumb as going through your old junk.

Working your way to the back wall you sigh seeing several boxes of papers. “Here they are.” You pull one down and take off your gloves and hat putting them aside. “They’re not really in any particular order. I was sort of . . . you know, fleeing at the time.” He nods and kisses your cheek reaching for another box pulling it down to help you go through them.

A while later your eyes light up, “here! Here I found one.” Tom gets up and walks over kneeling down beside you looking over your shoulder. “I have three of them. They’re receipts from the pharmacy where I picked up my medications.”

“Does it say what they are?” He questions taking one from you looking them over.

“No, just numbers. No wait, maybe they’re medication identification numbers. I’m not sure. I don’t know what they mean.” You sighed and smirked slightly, “Some nurse I am.”

“If these were experimental drugs they might not have had names yet.” He smiles and kisses your cheek, “This might be it. It might be what we need to put him away.” Wouldn’t that be wonderful, God you hoped it was.

You took the prescription receipts to Ms. Cooper’s office before going to dinner. When you got home, you showered and changed into your knock around clothes. Tom had a roaring fire going in the living room and smiled when he looked up and saw you come in. “Better?” He questioned as you plopped down on the couch beside him and he wrapped an arm around you and you cuddled up against his chest.

“Jeez. That was a lot of dust. Even for a storage unit. Maybe I should just skip the next payment and let it go.” You say with a sigh.

“There’s nothing in it you want?” He questioned.

“I think we got the most important bit. Maybe that’s why I kept it all these years not understanding why I bothered. Because there was something in it that I needed and just didn’t know it.” You admit staring into the flames.

Tom kisses your head and rubs your shoulder holding you close. Your cheek was looking much better now and your back wasn’t hurting like it was when he first brought you home. He could touch you now and it didn’t cause you pain. “It’ll be over soon love. Then we can put all this nonsense behind us.” He wraps his other arm around you kissing your head again holding you close. He steals one more kiss loving the way you smelled when you came out of the shower. He loved the way you smelled before going into the shower. Even when you were sweaty and dirty from a day of cleaning.

Your eyes started to flutter closed in the warmth of the fire and the comfort and safety of Tom’s tight embrace. You yawned a little and snuggled closer as his large strong hand gently stroked your back. However, right before you were completely asleep thoughts started to creep in. Your mind was back where it had been dwelling since this whole mess started. Your eyes open and you sigh softly.

Tom looks down at you having thought you were almost asleep. “What’s wrong love?” He questions his hand moving to stroke your hair.

Hesitating a moment you said in a quiet voice barely above a whisper, “Do you think . . . he ever loved me?”

There was a moment as Tom collected his thoughts his eyes on the flames of the fire, “I don’t know.” He said honestly. “I don’t know how anyone could do the things he’s done to you, much less the reasons behind it.” You take a breath and closed your eyes hugging tighter to him. Tom knew you were hurting. All of this was drudging up memories you had done your best to forget and leave behind. His fingers slid through your hair before gently touching your chin raising your face so he could look into your eyes, “It doesn’t matter anymore sweetheart.” He says gently. “I know that you loved him. Very much so to be hurting like this even after all he’s done and these past years. But darling, you need to understand . . . you didn’t deserve anything he did to you. Not the way he spoke to you, not the pain he caused you, not the lies and deception he cursed you with when you were with him. All of that doubt your feeling? That insecurity? Blaming yourself for the atrocities you endured? That’s him. That’s the power he exerted over you and tries to maintain.” He looked into your eyes knowing you were listening, but it was difficult for you to just push it aside and leave behind. Not when you’d been living in this nightmare for over a decade.

As you look up at Tom you cocked your head slightly. Where did this man come from? Like someone took all the ingredients of the perfect human being and managed to mix them in the right recipe and out popped Tom. How was it even possible? You weren’t such a fan of his kind gentleness in the beginning, but you’d since warmed up to it. “Do you love me, Tom?” You ask softly.

He gazes into your eyes touching your chin once more before kissing you tenderly, his fingertips brushing your ear slightly. The kiss parts and he looks down into your eyes, “More than words can say.” He whispers against your lips. Your eyes tight closed a small smile graces your lips. You believed him when he said it. You knew he was telling the truth. He wasn’t lying or trying to curry favor or using you. He really did love you.

Reaching up you slide your fingers into his red hair and pull him down into another passionate kiss as his arms tighten around you holding you close. It had been a while since you’d been together. Things had gotten a little out of control, and when you came home hurt he wasn’t about to impose. Yet in this moment everything else seemed to melt away and you just wanted to be with him. As close as you could get, and closer.

Breathing deeply the kiss parts but you remain close together both of you beyond aroused. You pull back just enough to move to straddle his lap before finding his lips and devouring them once more. His hands move to your back just under your shirt as he slowly slides them up your bare skin. You grind against him slightly causing him to moan in pleasure of feeling your body against his. He pulls the shirt up further letting you know he wanted it off. You sat up and lifted your arms as he pulls it over your head and tosses it away, cupping your face pulling you close to kiss you again.

It didn’t take much or very long for him to become painfully hard in his track pants. You could feel him twitch against you as you continued to rub your body against his. He closed his eyes and rested his head against your breasts as you kept up the strong steady movements. His body quivered and you could feel his hands holding a bit tighter wanting to feel your warm skin.

One hand to your back, the other wraps around your knee and with one swift move he turns you over laying you back down on the couch beneath him. Lying over you, he kisses your face, then your neck working his way down to each of your breasts and then your tummy. Yours hands rest to his head, your fingers gently stroking through his hair. Within a heartbeat, he pulls off your lounge pants and underwear baring your body to him, removing his shirt tossing it away as well. Kissing your knee, then back up your inner thigh, his hands caressing every inch of you as he makes his way back up over you looking down into your eyes a moment before tasting your lips.

Your hands rest on his shoulders, embracing and then moving down over his back, you couldn’t get enough of him. You loved this time of day, just before you went to bed and he had the slightest bit of stubble on his cheeks. In the morning he looked even hotter with the red fuzz on his face right before he shaved. It sent tingles down your spine.

Both of you beyond anxious and eager, it wasn’t long before you feel him press into you slowly not wanting to enter if you weren’t ready for him. However, as always, you were beyond ready. With one swift jerk of his hips he fills you causing your eyes to roll slightly as you arch your back beneath him pressing your breasts harder against his chest. He begins to thrust in deep steady movements keeping his eyes on your face watching your movements, every emotion, every reaction he wanted to see it all. Your hands gripped to his back as your body writhed beneath his masterful movements and attentions. Soon, you could feel that familiar warmth of pleasure welling up inside you and your legs clinched to his waist as your body tenses tight around him. He thrusts a little harder and deeper until he feels you shake around him and cry out in ecstasy. At once he joins you bursting deep within you.

Riding out the pleasure you shared your eyes opened and you met each others gaze for a long moment, your hand gently resting against his face looking into his crystal clear eyes that shined with love as they looked at you. He was beautiful. In so many countless ways. After a moment he leans down tenderly and lovingly kissing you before resting his cheek to yours, holding you tight just wanting to love you, take care of you, and protect you forever.

Tom woke the next morning before you, just watching you sleep for a bit before he left. You couldn't work while the investigation was still going on, which made you feel pretty useless. But as far as Tom was concerned, he loved having you at home. He imagined it to stay that way after you were lucky enough to actually get pregnant; but he also knew you were headstrong enough to pretty much fight to go back to work. So he just took it where he could get it. He was allowed to dream though, wasn't he?

You stirred when Tom gently brushed your bangs off your forehead, and cracked one eye open to see his smiling face looking down at yours. "You are so cheerful in the morning I'm almost suspicious," you mumbled out. He laughed lightly before kissing you and murmuring, "Good morning to you too, my darling." You rolled onto your stomach still facing him and asked, "Do you have to work late again today?" "I do, sweetheart. We're a bit behind in shooting, so the director is trying to play catch-up. I'm not sure how late we'll be. If you're worried about someone getting in, I can hire another guard, or-" You cut him off with your hand on his chest. "It's not that, babe. I'm just...still trying to get used to this being 'my' home. It doesn't feel like it yet.

Tom furrowed his brow. "Really? Do you...do you not want to be here?" he worried. "Of course I do," you said. "It's just different from what I've known for the last several years. The last person I lived with was my ex, and then I was on my own for so long. It's just a period of adjustment," you finished explaining. Tom nodded. "I understand. But I want you to know, this is your home now. And we can do whatever you want to make it feel that way." You smiled. He really did have a way of saying all the right things at the right time. "Maybe I'll come up with something today, then?"

"I can't wait to hear them," Tom told you. "Maybe...one or two for a nursery? You know, just...in case we need them sooner than expected?" He bit his lip. He couldn't wait to get the ball rolling on that journey. You just giggled at him. "All right, maybe I'll do that then. In the meantime, I need coffee."

After Tom left for the set, you sat in the living room thinking about how to make yourself useful. That was the worst part of it on some level, that you couldn't work. That was all you had known, was getting up before dawn for those twelve-hour shifts, working your fingers to the bone and helping children feel better. Making families feel better. You felt alone in all this, too. No one you knew had ever been accused of something so awful, so you didn't have someone to commiserate with about it.

You moved your thoughts onto happier things, more productive thoughts. Like what Tom said about making your new home 'yours', and how you planned to do that, even if in small ways.

~*~

"How the fuck did she get released? I had that prosecutor in my back damn pocket! What the hell?!" Michael shouted. He spun around to one of the men standing near him. He didn't ever bother to learn their names. It was easier to deny involvement in the whole thing if he could honestly say he didn't know who was who. Illegal drug activity was like that. "You! Go find out what the fuck happened, and I want names of who got her out."

The man left the office of the warehouse shaking his head. Michael threw himself down into his chair and brought a hand to his mouth. He was getting nervous. And when he got nervous, he got sloppy. Going to your old flat was the dumbest thing he could have done. Even though he swore there were no cameras, he would wake up in the middle of the night worried he'd forgotten about one or another. Then he would worry someone would find the connection, however loose, between the judges he'd gotten to oversee his divorce proceedings from you. How he had paid them off the way he did. And how those judges had connections to people here in London.

He only hoped he could hold it together long enough for his allegations to hold up. At least to get them before the right judge.

It was after midnight when Tom came home. He smiled seeing you curled up on the couch with a book, a blanket over your lap. You must have dozed off while reading seeing how your book was resting on your chest.

Walking over to you, he carefully removed the book from your hands and closed it to put it aside. He couldn’t help but smile a bit more seeing it was a book on healthy and fit pregnancy. Crouching down beside you he gently takes your hands in his. Your eyes flutter open and you sit up with a start not having heard him come in and looked around. “It’s alright darling, it’s just me.” He says in a soft voice.

You stretch your back a little bit, “What time is it?”

Tom looks at his watch, “About 1:30am.” He says resting his hands on your knees as he looks up at you. “How are you feeling love?” He questions.

“I’m alright.” You say with a smile resting your hand over his. “Little hungry. Was gonna grab something after a read a few chapters of my boo . . .” You look around on the floor and under your blanket not seeing it. Tom smiled and nodded towards where he had set it down. You bite your lip and blush a little that he’d seen you reading it.

He couldn’t help but chuckle, “It’s alright darling.” He says taking your hand and kissing it. “You don’t have to be embarrassed. I’ve been looking up a few things myself in anxious anticipation myself.” You smile a little but before you can ask him what that meant he reaches up sliding his fingers through your hair. “There’s an all night café about 15 minutes from here, they serve some really excellent food. How does a late dinner sound?”

“Don’t you have to be on set early?” You question.

“Nope. I have the rest of the week off.” He stands offering you his hands, “Want to?”

You smile and push the blanket off before taking his hand and standing up. “Let me get my shoes on.”

“Alright. Warm coat too!” He says patting your behind as you hurry to get your things.

A while later, the two of you are tucked into a corner booth at the back of the café, holding hands and playing footsie under the table like two teenagers. Both of you drinking wine and just enjoying each other’s company detached from all the other garbage going on in life. If a person looking on saw the two of you, they wouldn’t think it was possible for it to get anymore cutesy, but when your entrees came you fed each other. Neither of you could stop giggling knowing how silly it was but not being able to help yourself.

It was nearly 4am before you finished your meal and you left with your arms wrapped around each other walking out to Tom’s Jag. Both of you quite smitten with each other as the kisses began once you got to the parking lot. Walking to your side of the car, Tom turns you to face him resting his hands on your waist as he passionately devours your lips. He presses you up against the door, eagerly tasting your kiss once more. You can’t help but wrap your arms around him eagerly returning his every affection. Your hands roaming over each other, desperately grasping to one another’s bodies just wanting to be close and touch.

However, it was rather cold outside and you were in public so if clothes started coming off, that would probably result in some more issues in your lives then you already had. The kiss breaks when Tom smiles against your lips, his fingers in your hair as he gently cradles your head in his hand. You can’t help but smile at the silliness of it. “What?”

“I have something for you.” He breathes before kissing your lips once more and reaching into his jacket pocket taking out a small box. You look at it curiously as he holds it before you in his hands. “Now, I want to explain to you that I’m not pushing the subject that you told me you weren’t interested in pursuing right now.” You listen quietly not certain where this was going, “And I realize this might be a . . . well somewhat primary school thing to do, but . . . if you would, I would like you to wear it.”

You look at it your curiosity peaked, “What is it?”

Opening the box he slips it into his hand, before putting the box itself back in his pocket. He takes your left hand kissing the palm, then your knuckles as he slips a band onto your middle finger. Your eyes go wide as you look at it. Silver with a emerald heart cut solitaire that fit your middle finger quite comfortably. “It’s a promise ring.” He says with a soft smile. You look up into his eyes quite taken by surprise by it.

“A promise ring?” You repeat still a little in shock.

“I realize that what a promise ring is supposed to mean that one day it’s to be exchanged for an engagement ring, which in turn would be exchanged for a wedding band . . . but I’m going to make a different promise.” He says holding your hand over his heart with both of his as he leans close and whispers to you, “I promise, that if you give me your heart, I will protect it and cherish it always. And that I will love you for all time.” He said gazing deeply into your eyes.

You can hardly breathe unable to look away from his crystal clear blue eyes that looked at you with such love and sincerity. No one had ever looked at you like that; no one had ever cared about you so much. You could feel a knot of emotion swelling in your throat and tears welling up in your eyes. Your lip quivers slightly as you take a breath realizing he was waiting for an answer. Finding you can’t speak or even make a sound, you simply nod. After a moment you can squeak out a broken emotional, ‘yes’. The smile on Tom’s face widens a little as he holds your hand tighter. “Yes” you say a bit louder before wrapping your arms around him hugging him tight. Closing his eyes he embraces you against him lifting you from the ground a moment before setting you back to your feet, and anxiously finding your lips placing a passionate loving kiss.

You woke much later than usual, tangled in the bedsheets, Tom's arm draped over your stomach as he lay behind you still asleep. You cracked one eye open and saw your new ring glint in the sunlight peeking through the blinds. It all came back to you- the admittance that it was so primary school, but it was the sweetest gesture. The emerald was beautiful, the clearest one you'd ever seen. You wondered if the emerald was a nod to Loki- it made you grin, even still half asleep. Loki *was* the character that really brought you two together. Sometimes the scene from the hospital would creep back into your thoughts....and the scene that unfolded back at your apartment when it was over. The thought sent an excited shiver down your spine. You turned over to face Tom, and watched him for a moment.

You always felt peace with him. No matter what insanity was going on in your life, he always managed to be this weird, calm center. You examined his features- his high forehead, those cheekbones some women you knew would kill for, that little divot in the tip of his nose that was starting to drive you crazy. You ghosted your fingers over his eyebrows and down around the edges of his face. You could really see his Scottish roots in his red hair. Brushing your knuckles lightly over his earlobe, Tom stirred. You paused, but only for a moment. He pushed his face further into your hand, scratching you with his stubble. He cracked his eyes open against the sunlight and saw your face. He sighed contentedly. “You’re up before me? That is a first.”

“Just barely,” you mumbled back. Tom pulled you closer, enfolding you. You buried your head in his chest, wrapping your top arm around him. You tucked your left arm between the two of you and flattened your hand against him. And you felt his heart skip a beat when the silver came in contact with his skin.

~*~

Tom’s phone broke the comfortable silence mid-afternoon. He didn’t reach for it at first, not until he saw who was calling.

“Yes, Ms. Cooper?…Yes?…Yes, we can be there…That sounds wonderful, we’ll be right in, thank you.” He slid the phone into his pocket and smiled at you.

“What was that? What did she say?” you asked, doing little to hide the anxiety in your voice.

“She wants us to come in. Said she had some good news regarding the case, and possibly some information against your ex.”

“Well, lets go! Let’s leave right now!” you all but shouted. Despite the fact that you had barely changed out of your pajamas- actually, you had slipped into one of Tom’s shirts, and that was the extent of “changing”- you leaped out your chair and headed for the door. Tom grabbed your wrist, laughing, “Hang on! Let’s get you dressed first! You’ll freeze out there in just that!”

Less than half an hour later, you were sitting in Ms Cooper’s office with bated breath. She had told Tom it was good news, not you. So all you could do was hope he wasn’t just putting on a good face for the sake. Your stomach flipped, and you bit your nails. “Darling? It’s all right. She said she had good news,” Tom said softly pulling your hand away from your mouth. You swallowed and nodded.

Ms Cooper burt through the door seconds later. “Well, my dears, I have heard from the Chief Prosecutor on your case, and he has informed me that he has gone over every piece of evidence, listened to every witness testimony, and has finally come to a decision.”

Your eyes widened and fixed on her. Her words hung in the air, like smoke. You felt your breath getting shorter. Tom squeezed your hand. After an eternity it seemed, she finally continued. “And he has decided there are to be no charges officially filed against you.”

Everything around you became silent as her words echoed in your ear. The breath left your lungs. You were certain you were about to fall out of the chair onto the floor. If your legs worked, that is. You were pretty certain they wouldn’t right then. You thought you felt Tom grab you up into his arms, but you couldn’t be sure, not until you found yourself standing. He was holding you upright as you still struggled.

Tears burned your eyes and you took a lungful of air. You fell against Tom as you cried, finally tears of happiness and not all the sorrow you’d experienced lately.

Ms Cooper interrupted the celebration, however. “We’re not done yet. If you would please, Ms James, I believe we can retaliate against these claims, and we actually have proof and evidence against your ex-husband. And if you’re willing, I’d like to get started right away.”

You wiped your cheeks. Going after Michael? It sounded ridiculous. You were pretty sure you’d never win. You hadn’t before, as much as you’d tried. Then again, you never really had any real evidence against him. Now you had a paper trail from the prescriptions, photographs from when he attacked you. And a lawyer who you wouldn’t want to be on the opposing side of in your worst nightmare. You looked up at Tom. “What do I do?”

“Whatever you feel you should do. It’s entirely up to you, darling. And I’ll stand by you, whatever you decide.”

Facing Michael in court again wouldn’t be easy. You steeled your nerves and made up your mind. You were sick of running and hiding, sick of looking over your shoulder afraid, and sick of swallowing all those awful memories. You nodded. “Yes. I want him to answer for everything he’s done to me."

You sat in the bathroom tapping your foot with a sigh looking at your watch every 3 seconds. With a sigh you lean against the wall wrapping your arms around yourself hating these few minutes you had to wait. Who knew you could buy pregnancy tests in bulk? Hell, who knew you bought pregnancy tests in bulk. You were actually going to see about getting one of the digital ones so you didn’t have to use the disposable ones.

The alarm on your watch went off and you dove for the test picking it up from the counter. Closing your eyes you sigh in utter disappointment. Once again, negative. Shaking your head you tossed it in the trash before washing your hands, then your face before looking in the mirror. The doctor said it was normal that it was going to take a little time. Still, you couldn’t stop the flood of disappointment and worry that came after every test you took.

Walking out of the bathroom you turn off the light and stretch your back a little having changed into your PJ’s after getting out of the shower and braided your hair. The routine was to take a test before bedtime, even though you’d only been trying for a couple of weeks. You were anxious to know, as was Tom.

Tom looked up seeing the look on your face, “Oh darling.” He puts down the script he’d been reading taking off his glasses and putting them down on the nightstand. He holds his hand out to you and you take it as he pulls you onto the bed and wraps his arms around your waist kissing your neck and shoulder before embracing you tightly. “It’s alright sweetheart. It will happen it’ll just take a little time, that’s all.”

“I know. I’m just . . . I’m anxious.” You say with a sigh resting your head to his shoulder.

“I know love, but you have to be patient. Didn’t the doctor say that stress was going to be a factor as well? With everything going on right now it’s probably not helping. Once we get it all squared away then it will be easier I’m certain.” He says in an attempt to comfort you.

“Aren’t you anxious too?” You question looking at him. “I mean, I know I’m the one with the problem. Your tests came back basically saying . . . you’re very viral . . . practically a stud.”

Tom grins ‘ehehehehe’ and you can see him blush around the ears slightly. You can’t help but smile and kiss them. “Well then,” He says reaching up stroking your face before sliding his fingers into your hair looking into your eyes, “I suppose we should give it another go, wouldn’t you say?”

Both of you giggle slightly before he kisses you tenderly. You smile looking into his beautiful eyes as they gaze at you with such love. You’d waited all your life for someone who loved you like Tom did, it was still hard to believe that you’d found him. That he’d found you. You wrap your arm around his neck as you kiss again more passionately then before. Tom’s arms wrap around you hugging you tight before his hands wrap around you and carefully lay you back down on the bed beneath him as he lays over you. Both of you anxious to shower each other in affection.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Michael sighed as he sat with his lawyer who explained to him everything that was going on. Of Tom’s lawyer’s campaign to uncover everything that went on during your marriage. Somehow, they’d gotten a hold of the specific ID numbers of the experimental drugs that he’d been using on you made things even worse. Drugs that never even made it on the market because of the countless unacceptable side effects they caused.

“Can I ask whatever possessed you to use them on your wife of all people?” The lawyer finally asked.

“I needed a test subject that I could monitor 24/7.” He answered. After a moment he added, “And that bitch wouldn’t give me children. She’d killed them. She needed to be punished for that. For playing games with me.” He hissed.

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.” The lawyer said. “Things are going to get messy here Michael. I may be able to keep you out of prison, if you don’t do anything foolish. Luckily because it’s nearly been a decade since these things took place, a statue of limitations may save us from a large number of these charges. But once again, you mustn’t act rashly or do anything foolish. Whatever your past might have been with this woman, you have to remember and consider the fact that you have a wife and children now you have to think about.” He reminded him. Michael just gave a nod as the lawyer packed up his brief case. “You have my number if you have any questions or concerns.” Michael gave another nod as the man turned and left his office.

Michael laced his fingers together leaning back in his chair. He’d had private detectives following you frequently since your divorce. He always knew where you were and what you were doing. When the two of you were married you were young, you were naive, little more than a child who needed a caretaker. He made your decisions for you even before you were officially man and wife. He didn’t really give you the chance to grow up, nor did he attempt to teach you or show you how to be independent. He preferred to keep you as you were, needed him, depending on him completely. It made you easier to manage. But you weren’t stupid; you were very intelligent, extremely clever. The top of your class in medical school, and one of the top nurses in the nursing profession. Something you did on your own without him. This made you less manageable, and proved that you could indeed think for yourself.

Now news had gotten back to him that you and Tom were indeed attempting to get pregnant. Something he was less then pleased about as he was certain he’d knocked such ideas out of your head of having children of your own. In his mind, you didn’t deserve them. Not to mention that in his mind, you still belonged to him and always would. Even though you and Tom had kept it successfully a complete secret between you and Dr. Miles, it seemed that now Michael was in on it as well.

“I think it’s time you and I had another chat, little girl.” He growled under his breath. “I’ve let you run wild a bit too long.” He was still cross with you over the miscarriages, and even more cross that you managed the divorce. The only reason he’d sign the papers and let you go, is because he was advised that if he struggled or fought against it to much it might draw unwanted attention into their lives and just feeding you experimental drugs wasn’t the only thing he was into at the time. Otherwise, he never would have agreed to it.

The following day, Tom had gone in for shooting on his current project. Since the charges had been dropped, and expunged from your record things seemed to have died down enough that not only could you breathe, but it seemed like the ‘terror threat’ had gone down a few colors. So you weren’t worried about going out alone. Tom, however, wouldn’t have approved if he knew your plans for the day after he’d gone to work.

After Tom left you headed out to the shops to see if you could find a Clear Blue Easy system or whatever the equivalent was to that in Britain. Then you couldn’t buy it directly you had to purchase it and have it sent to the house under your alas that had been set up for you. It was all very cloak and dagger and sometimes you couldn’t help but giggle at the silliness of it, but it was definitely a secret worth keeping. You can’t remember ever being this happy. Ms. Cooper said that it was possible for you to return to work at the hospital at the end of the month once everything was squared away, which was a great relief. You weren’t sure you were ever going to be allowed to work again; much less return to the job that you’d been frog marched out of.

After finding what you wanted, paying for it, and filled out the slip to have it sent to the house, you decided to window shop through the mall. Of course you couldn’t help but linger by the baby story looking at all the cute little baby clothes, and things. There were some little red crimson velvet dresses, with a satin sash that looked absolutely adorable. Obviously they were for baby’s first Christmas and had matching outfits for older siblings as well. You could feel yourself grinning from ear to ear as your eyes moved over them. Oh, it was going to be so much fun.

Unknown to you, you were being observed. As you turned and continued on your way, your ‘shadow’ got up and followed you as you walked about. They wouldn’t actually approach you until you returned to your car in the underground parking garage that had no cameras, no security, and was completely enclosed. Homework had definitely been done.

You made your way down to the garage. It was quiet, even though it was nearing Christmas and there were more shoppers out and about. Almost too quiet. You got a chill, but quickly dismissed it. You couldn't place why you felt this way, but it was like there was somebody in the garage that you couldn't see. Like it was haunted or something crazy. 'You're being silly, just get home before Tom comes home and he'll never be the wiser,' you thought.

You kept walking to your Jeep, hopped in and backed out of the spot. In your rearview mirror, you saw a black, very nondescript car turn its lights on as you started to pull away. It followed you out onto the street, and turned right out of the garage. You hadn't shaken that weird feeling you'd gotten back in the garage on the way home, and halfway there, you noticed the same car still in your rearview. You tried not to believe it, that you were being followed. Surely that was the dumbest thing you could think, that you were being followed. Michael couldn't possibly have that kind of time on his hands. And anyways, why wasn't be already back home in the States? Were his wife and kids not waiting on him to come home?

You tried to block out the thought- maybe it was pure coincidence. Any number of homes lay between Tom's home and the mall you visited. That was surely the explanation, right? Of course, you decided. Still...there was something about the car that seemed weird. As you finally made the turn into Tom's neighborhood and punched the code into the gate's keypad, the car slowed to a crawl and passed you.

~*~

Sitting on the couch after getting home and triple-checking the locks, you tried to clear the thought away. There's no way somebody was following you. The charges had been dropped, and you were all but certain Michael wouldn't still be here in London. There'd be no reason to follow you.

Your head snapped up as you heard the back door knob rattle. With your thoughts still running through your brain, your heart began to race. You heard the lock slip and took a sharp, quick breath. But let it go as you saw Tom's figure step through the open door. "Darling? I'm home...where are you?" he sang out. Your heart returned to normal as you heard his voice. He had that affect on you for some time. You walked into the kitchen to greet him. "There you are, my girl. I've missed you."

"You've barely been gone a whole day, my silly man," you teased. "Doesn't matter, I miss you every time you're not with me," Tom replied. You smiled at each other as he pulled you close for a kiss and a tight hug. He really did miss you every time he left. As you pulled back from each other, he furrowed his brow at you. "Love, what's the matter? You look worried about something."

You paused. You didn't really want to tell him about your crazy fantasy of being followed, especially when it was probably nothing. But Tom thankfully came up with an answer on his own. "Are you still worried about everything regarding getting pregnant? Darling, I told you, there's nothing to worry about- I'm sure it'll all settle down soon and we'll have no trouble at all. And before long, we'll have children running all around the house. We won't even know what to do with all of them!" he comforted you playfully. You laughed at him. "I don't know about all that many, Tom! My god, someone has to take care of them all when you go all over and shoot!" you played back. The two of you shared a laugh and another sweet kiss.

"There's not a thing in the world to be worried about, love mine. Everything will be fine, I have no doubt about it," Tom assured. He kissed your forehead and you pushed the thought from earlier out of your head. There was no reason to bring it up now, especially when it could have been nothing. But a little nagging voice told you that may not be the case.

You lie awake with a small smile on your lips. Your head resting on Tom’s shoulder that was wrapped around you. God he was so incredibly handsome. Especially now when he was asleep, sex hair because you couldn’t stop sliding your fingers through it at every opportunity. After a while a small smile appears on his lips “It’s nearly impossible to sleep with someone starring holes through me darling.” He says gently as his hand starts to move over your back again.

You giggle a little hearing his remark. “I can’t help it, who could lie next to a wonderful man like you and not stare?”

He leans over kissing your forehead before wrapping his other arm around you holding you tight, resting his cheek to your head. “Were you a cat, I imagine your tail swishing back and forth wildly as though you’re about to jump on prey.”

You smile and kiss his shoulder, then his chest back up his throat as you get up straddling his middle rocking your body against his slightly. Leaning down you kiss him deeply, tasting his tongue as he slides his fingers into your hair returning the kiss anxiously. “One more? Just a quick one?” You whisper anxiously before kissing him again.

Tom groans into your mouth against your lips not being able to help but chuckle. “Mmm, sweetheart . . .” You kiss him once, then again, not allowing him to get a word in edge wise. “Darling . . .” Your body grinds against his a bit more anxiously trying to coax his body into coming out to play. However Tom grasps your shoulders holding you back just enough to catch his breath so he could look up at you. “I have to be on the set in just a few short hours and I’ve had hardly any sleep this week. The make-up crew are getting a bit annoyed with me about having to cover up the bags beneath my eyes.” Your entire body seems to slump in disappointment. He touches your chin, “Love you know it is my favorite thing in my life, in the world actually to make love to you. But I can hardly call in tomorrow and have them want to know why their leading man is delaying production. Somehow I don’t think the excuse ‘I’m all shagged out’ is going to be a viable excuse.”

“Okay.” You say softly dismounting and lying down on your side of the bed, your back towards him as you push your pillow under your head. Tom frowns wishing he could give you want you wanted, but you’d already made love twice tonight after going to bed, and he was dead tired. He slides closer, his body melding against the back of yours as he spoons you tightly wrapping his arm around you. He kisses your shoulder, then your neck, then your face before resting his cheek to yours.

“Do you still love me?” He whispers softly.

You furrow your brow laying back enough so that you could look up at him. “Of course I do. What sort of question is that?”

He smiles and cups your face in his hand kissing your lips tenderly. “I love you, you know.” He whispers looking down into your eyes, “So very much.” His thumb strokes your cheek gently. He rests his forehead to yours, “So trust me when I tell you, this isn’t something you can force sweetheart.” He whispers. “I am totally on board with sex as many times a day, as often as we can manage. But darling, remember . . . even though we are trying to get pregnant . . . I still want to make love to you. To show you how much I love you, to make you feel good. Do you remember the first time we were together in your apartment? You invited me over and made dinner after work at the hospital.” His hand moves down your naked body before resting over your abdomen his fingertips gently circling your soft skin there. “Do you remember the pleasure that would build here, more and more until your thighs quivered, your knees buckled, and you cried out my name over and over again?” He whispers into your ear. “Do you remember how we devoured each other, again and again? How one orgasm would barely subside before another shook our bodies and take us again?”

You close your eyes remembering it quite vividly. “I thought you wanted to sleep.” If he kept talking like this you were going to raid his closet for a few of his scarves and put them to good use.

“I just want you to remember, my love. That there is a purpose beyond our wanting children to our intimacy. Perhaps instead of focusing solely on our goal, we focus on each other.” Reaching up he touches your chin once more before kissing you passionately.

He was right. You were losing sight of the most important reason for sharing a bed and as a result things were starting to become a bit routine and clinical. Of course you loved him, more then you thought it possible to love anything or anyone. When the kiss broke, you looked up at him with genuine remorse in your eyes, “I’m sorry Tom.” You whisper more than a little embarrassed and feeling like a heel. He smiles and kisses you again before cuddling up against you, both arms wrapped tight around you as he spoons tight against the length of your back.

“It’s alright darling. Let’s get some sleep now and I promise we’ll make up for lost time this weekend. I have Friday through Monday off.” He says nuzzling your ear before resting his cheek to yours. You smile a little and nod in agreement. You wrap your hands over his arms that embraced you tightly. He wasn’t a sperm donor, he was your lover. You couldn’t forget that, and he deserved far better.

The next morning after Tom went to work, you sat up on her tablet going through your e-mail finding that this month’s new medical journals were out and you always liked to read them. As a nurse you wanted to know what was new to better assist the doctors and help the patients. It was always fascinating to see what new things had been discovered, incredible to know that the minds of today were paving the way for better healthcare tomorrow. Then maybe, someday, little ones like Jacob won’t have to be sick, and can grow up and live their lives. You paused a moment and sighed rubbing your eyes a little. Whenever you thought of him, your eyes would still mist up.

Wiping the tears from your eyes, you shake it off and go back to your reading. Just then, your phone starts to ring and you reach over not even looking at it before you picked it up. “Hello?”

“Hello sweetie.” You freeze in place, your eyes wide. You look at the phone seeing that the call was from an unlisted number.

“How did you get this number?” You demand feeling a shiver down your spine.

“Oh there are many things I know. Many. Enough, that I also know if some of it was say, leaked to the media by an anonymous source . . . it would not only tarnish your precious boy toy’s reputation, but blow his promising blooming career into little bitty pieces.” He growls into the phone. “I imagine those lunatic fan girls of his would love to know your living with him and he’s trying to knock you up.”

You tablet slips out of your hands and falls to the floor when he said that. Your eyes as big as footballs. “You can’t, Michael. You just . . . .” God that would be the worst thing in the world that could happen. What you had been afraid of from the beginning. Tom’s career being affected because of your fucked up life. “Why are you doing this? Why can’t you just leave us alone? We’re not hurting you! We aren’t doing anything to you!” There’s a pause and your stomach turns as you can almost feel the grin on his face through the phone. “What do you want from me?”

“I want you to meet me that that little coffee shop on the corner in downtown in 15 minutes.” He ordered.

Dear God you didn’t want to, certainly not alone. “If I refuse?”

“Then you and your playmate are going to make the evening edition and the 8 O’Clock news. I can just see the headlines now ‘Rising star falls out of the sky because of relationship with suspected child killer’.” He says with an eerily sadistic tone of satisfaction in his voice.

Tears fill your eyes at the thought of it as you began to chew your nails, “Why do you want to see me?”

“Now you have 14 minutes to get your pretty little ass down here. If you’re so much as a minute late, I’m sending some naughty little anonymous messages out to some media outlets that will be happy to chew the two of you up and spit you out in a matter of hours.” Then the phone went dead as he hung up on you.

Oh dear God, why was the happening? Why now? Why like this? Why couldn’t Michael just go away forever and leave you alone? Ms. Cooper had put gag orders on everything in every direction, but you couldn’t very well issue a gag order to every fucking person in the universe. Once it was online and in the open it would spread like wild fire in a matter of minutes. You shook your head and hopping up hurrying to the bedroom pulling on some clothes and grabbing your car keys and purse. Locking up Tom’s house you hurry to your jeep and hop in peeling out of the driveway. You had less than 10 minutes to get there and stop Michael’s big mouth completely fucked up your lives.

 

(Next Chapter -->)


	5. Code Green - Chapter 5

Your mouth ran dry as you climbed out of your car and saw him sitting there. Smug smile and all. Your heart raced and your breath quickened. All you wanted was for him to leave you alone. Or for some sniper to just shoot him dead from the rooftop across the street. He acted like nothing was wrong and he hadn't just threatened to ruin your life and Tom's ten minutes ago.

"Sweetheart, I'm right here!" Michael called and waved to you. You tried to swallow but your throat was like desert sand, and only got drier the closer you walked to him. He gestured to the chair across from him at the little cafe table and you sat on the edge. You noticed the cup in front of you, still steaming. "Here dear, I ordered your favorite- caramel cinnamon. You love caramel cinnamon, don't you?"

"I hate it. You know that." Your voice was barely a whisper.

"Nonsense, you love it. You get it all the time," Michael brushed you off. He hadn't changed. "Drink. You look like you need it." He was nothing if not persistent. You picked up the mug with both hands and took a small sip. It was just as awful as you remembered. You had never like cinnamon, and caramel was always too sweet for you. Not that Michael ever really cared for what *you* liked. You set the mug back down on the saucer, trying to keep from shaking and rattling.

"What's the matter, dear? Are you cold? You're shaking an awful lot over there," Michael asked with the most artificial concern. Your eyes flashed at him with anger.

"What are you doing?" you whispered.

"What I should have done the minute you got some stupid idea in your head about having a baby," he hissed at you, lowering his tone so no one around could hear him. The breath left your body- how did he know anything about your and Tom's plans? "Oh yes, I know all about your fucking stupid plan. Did you really think you could escape me? Really?" It was like he could read your mind.

"Why are you doing this? Why can't you leave me alone? You have a new wife and children of your own, a whole practice to run, your own new life. Why can't you let me have mine, please?"

Michael reached across the table and took your hand. You tried to jerk it away, but he was too quick and strong for you. He held tight, too tight, as he answered. "Because you killed my children. They were to be the start of my legacy. You were simply a healthy option to grow them for me. Turns out I was wrong about that. What a shame."

"I never did anything wrong, Michael. I did everything I could to keep our children. Some things just happen, they're out of anyone's control. Even yours." Every fiber of your being was screaming for you to run, flip the table, scream, do something. But you were frozen. You could hardly bring your voice above a whisper. Michael squeezed harder on your hand, still smiling to give the right impression to all the other diners.

"Nothing is out of my control. Not even you, little girl."

"I'm not a little girl anymore, I'm a grown fucking woman."

"Who is responsible for the deaths of, how many children?"

"That's not true, you know that. I always do everything I can for every one of those children. And how dare you even insist otherwise. And those charges you filed? They didn't even hold up. And they never will." Your sudden rush of adrenaline and confidence only served to make Michael angrier. He squeezed your hand even harder, you thought he was going to break it. "What do you want? What do I have to do to make you go back to your life and leave mine alone?"

"Here is what I want. We're going to finish our drinks here, and then we're going to get into my car. And I'm going to take you somewhere I can get everything I want from you. And before you ask; if you refuse, all it takes is one phone call and your fucking boy toy's reputation and career are ruined. Do you understand me?"

"Don't you dare hurt him. Don't even think about it," you demanded quietly. You would do anything to keep him from reaching Tom. Even put yourself directly in the path of this monster. He let go of your hand finally and you jerked it back into your lap. It throbbed where Michael squeezed it so tight, but you kept as straight a face as possible. You didn't want him to see you in pain, to give him the satisfaction.

You watched as he finished his coffee. Looking around you slowly and carefully, you began to think. You were very familiar with this part of downtown. Where everything was, and what alley led where. He could take you anywhere, depending on what he was planning. You took a deep slow breath and calmed your nerves. You wanted nothing more than to run.

You knew this man now, you knew him better than he ever knew you. He wouldn’t have come here like this unless he did his homework. He always did his homework, which is how he got away with most of the things that should have landed him in jail. He was patient and he was methodical. He wasn’t going to come here and risk it being known he came near you against court orders unless he covered his tracks well.

Taking a breath you stood from your seat and walked with him out of the coffee shop. You could tell by the weird way he was leading you he was doing so to avoid being caught on film by security cameras. That way if he did anything to do you, he could deny ever having been there.

As you rounded the corner into a back alley, his hand moved from the small of your back to your neck. As soon as you felt his fingertips start to wrap around your neck you jerked around knocking it away with one hand, as your other came up pressing your tazer that looked like a cell phone that Stephen gave you to his throat. He couldn’t scream out or holler as the current made it impossible for him to breathe let alone make a sound. You pulled it away as his hands wrapped around his throat and he dropped to the ground on one knee.

When his hand started to reach out for you, you pressed the tazer against his shoulder zapping him again holding the current longer then before as he fell writhing to the ground. This wasn’t just a short zap, it was a high voltage tazer not usually available to the public. You couldn’t stand the thought of having to go home to Tom and face him with bruises on your body again. It had happened enough, and you were never going to do it again.

“I know you had me attacked in prison Michael. I don’t know if your intention was to just kill me, or to mame me. But you need to know and learn something about me now.” You couched down beside him as his body was still having muscle spasms from the tazer blasts. “I’m not alone anymore. And I am not broken. I am never going to let you hurt me again.” His eye rolled towards you and you could see the malice in them, the foolish thoughts of getting you back for this already running rampant in his head. The adult thing to do would have been just to get up and leave, but so many times he had rendered you helpless and in pain and completely distraught. Reaching out you pressed the tazer to his shoulder again giving him one more hard blast holding the current causing his entire body to jump and jerk and shake. Then you stood and walked away. It would be sometime before he was able to get to his feet, and thanks to his careful planning, no one would ever know it was you who assaulted him.

You went back to your car and got inside pulling the seatbelt around you. You took a breath realizing you hadn’t been breathing for a while. You let out your breath and suddenly felt weak and shaky all over. Then a smile swept your face and you turn the key, pulling out of the parking space and heading home.

"You've been dancing around for the last three days, darling. Not that I'm complaining, but do you know something I don't know?" Tom confronted you in the kitchen one evening. You smiled up at him from your spot in front of the stove.

"What are you talking about?" you bantered. Tom slid around you and cupped your belly.

"I mean this. Do you know something about this I don't?" He turned his head to look at you.

You sighed and shook your head. "No. No, I would tell you everything about that, you know I would."

Tom nodded and slid his arms further around you, holding you close. "I know you would. I just...wanted to make sure." You rested your arms on top of his, lacing your fingers.

"I do have something to tell you, though," you confessed as you turned around. The satisfied smile you showed him made Tom both happy and nervous at the same time. You bit your lip before telling him the whole story. The phone call, meeting Michael at the cafe. Tom grabbed your hand when you told him about how you swore Michael wanted to break it, turning it over gingerly, looking for bruises. You told him how his own little plan worked so against him when he led you down that alley. And Tom's eyes doubled in size when you told him how you tazed the fight right out of Michael. By the time you finished, you had that Natalie Dormer grin on your face, like you were so satisfied with yourself, you could jump right out of your skin.

Tom was shocked. "Darling, do you know how dangerous that was? How much of a terrible idea that was? You could have gotten seriously hurt, he could have taken you somewhere and I would have had to put every officer in Scotland Yard out there to find you!" he said, horrified the whole thing took place.

You just kept your expression still. "But nothing did happen. And now, he can't even say he was there, let alone that I was and that I did anything. Even if he does come forward with it all. His own plan backfired on him, and there's no way he'll actually admit that I got the better of him."

Tom couldn't help but be upset. He also couldn't help but smile. He pulled you close and ran a hand through your hair. "My darling, you are absolutely too much sometimes. You could have been really hurt. Again."

You softened a bit and reached up to cup his face. "I know," you told him. "I know. But I couldn't let him hurt me again. I wouldn't. I'm so much stronger than that now, you know that. You should know that, you helped me realize it."

Tom looked deep into your eyes, and smirked. "I feel like I should be angry with you, having done something so unbelievably foolish..."

"But..?" you prompted him.

"But. I have to admit the idea of my woman, my darling love, standing up to a monster like that...it's incredibly...exciting," he said slowly, and pushed his pelvis into you. You gasped when you felt his growing length grind against you. You were already riding high to start with, and now so was Tom.

Tom pushed you against the counter as he leaned down and devoured your lips. You returned every bit of his passion as you ran your hands over his hard chest, rolling your hips to tease him. “My god, woman, you will be the death of me, you and those hips,” he breathed out against your neck. You moaned as he pushed your skirt up your thighs and brushed his fingertips against your heated sex. The wetness pooling there was enough to drive you crazy.

You reached down between you and palmed his erection, drawing a gasp from him. While pulling the leather belt from the loops and pushing the zipper down on his pants, Tom pushed your panties down off your hips. You threw your head back as he slid two fingers over your lips, teasing you. Returning the favor, you wrapped you fingers around his length, now at full attention. Tom grasped your hips and you raised one knee, wrapping your leg around him as best you could while keeping your balance. He couldn’t take much more, and you heard the fabric rip as he tore it off your body.

“Baby, I really liked those,” you said with a small frown.

“I’ll buy you a thousand new pair of them to make up for it,” Tom replied out of breath. He dropped to his knees and threw your leg over his shoulder. He grasped the back of your hips and pulled your sex down onto his face, laving at you. You almost lost control of your remaining leg, scrabbling for something to grab onto to keep from hitting the floor. Tom pursed his lips around your clit and sucked gently. It was almost too much, and you couldn’t last like this. You fisted your hands into his hair and desperately urged him on.

“Tom, I’m so close, I’m almos-“ You whined as he withdrew from you, standing back up. Tom aligned himself at your entrance and growled, “I need to feel you around me when I make you cum, my dear.”

With one swift motion, he thrust into you completely. Feeling him stretch and fill every bit of you. You could do nothing else but throw your head back and keen loud enough for surely every one of his neighbors to hear you as he positioned his hips against you. You gripped his shoulders and moved in time with him. You felt his cock twitch inside you. You reached down between you and gently stroked his balls. Tom let out a whine and moved faster, then reached down to thumb your clit. Faster and faster, you stroked each other until you felt him tighten in your palm. He pinched your clit, and it pushed you over the edge. You screamed again as your pussy clenched around him and threw yourself forward onto him. Tom bucked once, twice more, before you felt him spend deep inside you.

Coming down and catching your breath, you both wrapped around each other and kissed each other deeply. Tom ran his hands through your hair and held the back of your head. You tucked your arms under his and your hands came to rest on his shoulder blades.

“I love you,” he whispered against your lips. You smiled and replied, “I love you too."

“Why?” You ask simply after having been quiet for several moments.

“It’s just standard procedure with such cases.” Ms. Cooper explains. “Because you’ve needed treatment in the past, or at least because your medical records show that you’ve needed treatment, the court mandates that you be given psychological testing.”

“For depression. I was depressed being in a miserable marriage mostly because of the miscarriages.” You explain. “I’m not depressed anymore. . . . at least not clinically depressed. I don’t need medication except for emergencies but it’s been well over a year since I needed to take them. I’m fine.”

“Darling.” Tom reaches over taking your hand in his, “There’s nothing to worry about. Having a doctor that has nothing to do with Michael and no connections to him whatsoever will be completely non-bias. This is your chance to set the record straight about the real you. Not the person he went out of his way to convincing everyone you were.”

You took a breath and sighed knowing Tom was probably right. Maybe it was time to show that you weren’t some metal case, alcoholic, drug addict, self harming, nut job that needed to be locked up and the key thrown away. “Alright.” You concede.

Ms. Cooper smiles, “Thank you. I know it’s difficult for you, but this will definitely help things go in our favor.” She reaches out with a card in her hand and Tom takes it. “This is your appointment. It’s been made for Friday evening.”

“Excellent.” Tom said looking at it, “We’re only shooting until noon and I’ll be able to take you.” He smiled wrapping his hand around yours again.

“Now, this other matter.” She begins hesitating a moment as though she didn’t want to bring it up. “I understand that it’s your own private business but I think we should discuss it should it become a problem.”

You furrow your brow, “What business?”

Ms. Cooper seemed quite uncomfortable about the subject, “It seems that you and Tom are in the process of starting a family?” You close your eyes and sigh covering your eyes with your hand.

“That isn’t for public knowledge, Ms. Cooper.” Tom said instantly. “That’s private. We want it kept between the two of us. No one else.”

“I understand that, and I respect it. Right now all it is, is an unfounded rumor floating around in certain circles. Mostly because we’ve kept it unknown that you two are living together. I just want to warn you that what’s currently a whisper may get louder over the coming months. When we have to give your address to the court, it’s possible that things may go from unfounded rumor to proven fact.” She said.

“I have a P.O. Box. One that I use specifically for the purpose of keeping people from knowing where I live.” You answer.

“The court requires your physical address I’m afraid. Of course court documents in open cases are meant to be confidential, but sometimes things will get out.” You look at Tom before looking back at Ms. Cooper.

“Then . . . until the court case is over . . . .” You didn’t want to even say it but it seemed like the best course of action was quite obvious.

“No.” Tom said seeing it plainly on your face. “No way.”

“Tom. It would just be for a while. Until this is settled.” You replied.

“That could take months!” He exclaims. “You just moved in! I don’t want you moving out. Not for any reason.” He counters.

“Actually,” Ms. Cooper began, “If the two of you want to keep your private lives private, I have to agree that her moving into her own place for a bit might be a good idea.” Tom gives the lawyer a look. If she wasn’t going to be on his side, she didn’t need to be in the conversation at all. “It’s not as though you couldn’t see each other, but she should have her own place.”

Your head drops back as you close your eyes wishing there was another way. “It’ll just be for a little while Tom, not forever. And it’ll just be like before. You come to my place sometimes, and I go to yours other times.”

“But it’s not safe . . . .” He turns to Ms. Cooper, “It’s not safe for her to be living on her own. I thought that was established quite well when she was attacked in her own flat by her sadistic ex husband.” He reminded everyone.

“I’ll find a good place for her to stay. We’ll rent an apartment where there is security inside and out.” Ms. Cooper promises. “I understand your concerns and I will be certain that all are addressed.”

Tom sighs in frustration shaking his head not liking anything about this. “Alright.” He says clearly unhappy and wasn’t on board with this at all.

“Good. I’ll see to everything and give you a call.” She stands and you and Tom stand as well as she shakes each of your hands. “Don’t worry, we’ll get all this taken care of and you can close the book on that chapter of your life.”

As you and Tom get into the elevator heading down to the parking garage, he smacks the button and crosses his arms over his chest. You wrap your arm around his, “Tom, I’ll be fine. It’s just for a little while.”

“I don’t like it.” He said seriously.

“I know. I don’t like it either, but if this gets rid of Michael for good . . . it’s worth it, isn’t it?” You say softly resting your head to his shoulder.

Tom sighed and covered your hand with his before reluctantly nodding. Anything to get that mad man out of your lives forever. “What about our other venture?” He questioned.

Your eyes turn down a moment, “Everything’s still coming up negative.” It was incredibly disheartening and you were getting a little discouraged. “I think I need to make another appointment with Dr. Miles. Something must be wrong.”

Tom takes your hand and kisses it gently before looking at you, “Nothing’s wrong sweetheart. It’s only been a few weeks. Weeks that have been filled with stress, and violence, and all sorts of other nonsense that most couples don’t have to deal with. Things will calm down soon, and then it will happen. Alright?” You give a nod your eyes still lowered. He touches your chin raising your head and kisses you tenderly before resting his forehead to yours. “Doesn’t mean we should stop practicing.” A small smile appears on your lips. He smiles seeing he could still cheer you up. He kisses you once more as the elevator doors open as you both head out going to Tom’s Jag, getting in, and heading home.

Tom sat in the waiting room, bouncing his knee nervously. He was not feeling very patient. He knew everything would be fine regarding your appointment with Ms Cooper’s psychologist, but your own nerves rubbed off on him. He took a few deep breaths trying to calm himself. This was only the beginning of what he was afraid would be a long weekend. Ms Cooper had found a couple different apartments she wanted the two of you to look at to see if you liked them. Tom still hated the very idea. The notion you would be anywhere else but in his bed- well, now *your* bed, not just his anymore- was not one he would have otherwise stomached too easily. But maybe you were right. Being able to keep everything private would make everything easier.

But then again….so would something you had made it clear you were averse to. It didn't stop Tom from thinking about it, though. Marriage. If the two of you were married, there would be certain rights and privileges afforded to the both of you. You would be better protected under the law, and you would be able to stay with him without suspicion.

His fans would certainly be keen on the idea- most of them had always made it clear they wanted him to be happy. And being married was always something he had made known he wanted. If he wasn’t afraid you would run screaming in the opposite direction, he would have asked the minute you came back from Africa. He wondered if there was any way he could convince you without making him feel like he was conniving or scheming something against your wishes.

On the other side of the door, you sat in the chair opposite the psychologist. You were doing your own nervous twitching, wringing your hands together and shifting in the seat.

“Ms James, there’s nothing to worry about here. This is simply a routine procedure. I’ve done many of these in the past for Ms Cooper’s clients,” Dr. Edwards explained to you. He was absolutely English. He almost reminded you of Michael Caine- he had a soft face, and a calming way of speaking that made you understand why he went into psychology.

“I’m sorry. I just- I can’t help it.”

“Why is that?”

“I—I’ve gone through something like this before. And it didn’t end well. My ex-husband made me go through one of these evaluations before, when we were going through our divorce, and he knew the doctor. And…the doctor went on to tell the court I was a clinically depressed drug addict who wanted to commit suicide,” you explained.

“How did that make you feel?” Dr Edwards asked.

“Like hell. Yeah, I may have been depressed, but I had reason. No one wouldn’t have depressed if they were in the situation I was in. He was abusive, and I had three miscarriages while I was with him as a result. And then I didn’t even stand a chance in the aftermath, my ex had total control over everything after that. I couldn’t even defend myself.”

Dr. Edwards rested his fingertips together, looking like he was examining your words. You felt a little better being able to explain everything and you felt like this doctor really was listening and understood what you were saying. He smiled at you. “Ms James, you have no reason to worry. This is just a very basic screening. I have no connection to your former husband, I don’t even know who he is. Therefore, he has no bearing here. It’s simply you and me.”

You emerged from the office just over an hour later, and Tom leaped to attention. “There you are, darling. I was starting to gather a search party,” he said with a smile. You cocked your head to the side and rolled your eyes playfully as you walked closer to him. He leaned down for a kiss, and you savored the feel of him pressed against you. Dr Edwards cleared his throat, and Tom extended his hand towards him.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir,” Tom said sincerely.

“The pleasure is mine. I’ll have a report for Ms Cooper by Tuesday afternoon. But, and this is entirely off-record, I would say you’ve made a nice recovery, Ms James. Events like the ones you’ve experienced are not always easy to bounce back from.”

You beamed. You had finally found someone who believed you, and didn’t think you were some drug-seeking mental case with paranoid delusions. You extended your own hand and took Dr Edwards’. “Thank you. Thank you so much, you have no idea.”

The doctor nodded, and turned around to head back into his office. “Are you hungry, darling? There’s that little sushi place on the way home, would you like to stop there?” Tom asked. Thinking a moment, you nodded. Slipping out of the office and down the block to the car, you started to feel lighter. Things were finally starting to turn around. Tom slid his arm around you and kissed your temple. Despite the chill in the air, you felt so warm inside you couldn’t help but smile.

Tom came home early from shooting as an issue with the props department was delaying filming. It was an inconvenience for the production but at the same time, it gave him extra time to spend with you. He heard what sounded like playful singing as he took off his jacket and hung it up in the closet. Then he followed the singing to the bedroom and smiled at the scene as he leaned against the doorway watching you.

You were on the bed, cotton between your toes as you painted them. In your short shorts and spaghetti strap top, your hair pulled back into a pony tail, and ear buds to your ipod in your ears as you sing along to the song playing as your head bobs to the beat a bit. It was such a charming scene. You had been so much happier these past couple of days. Things were definitely starting to look up for you and it felt like the weight you’d been crushed under was finally starting to lift.

You still hadn’t been able to go back to work yet. The administration was uncomfortable with the accusations that had been filed against you which was understandable. However you didn’t do any of those things and were innocent. Ms. Cooper was confident that once it was discussed and examined you would be accepted again. But right now you weren’t worried about it. You hadn’t felt this free and confident about just living in general.

“~This used to be a fun house . . . . but now it’s full of evil clowns . . .~” You sing to ‘Fun House’ by Pink in a low tone along with the music. You wiggle your toes as you finish putting on the quick dry top coat. You screw the top on and gently touch your toes finding them still tacky but they’d be completely dry in just a full moments. “~It’s time to start the countdown . . . I’m gonna burn it down, down, down!~”

You turn to put your nail polish supplies aside seeing Tom at the door. You feel a little embarrassed not having known he was home and that he had seen you screwing around. You pull the ear buds from your ear blushing slightly. Tom just chuckles as he walks over to the bed and kneels down on the floor next to it, before leaning over resting his elbows on the mattress as he looks up at you sitting before him on the bed, your knees drawn to your chest.

“You know, you can let me know when you’re watching me so I can stop acting like a total nut case.” You say turning off your music and tossing it aside.

“I could, but I enjoy watching you when you’re just being yourself.” He says with a shimmer in his eye as gazes up at you. You can’t help but smile as you can see the love he feels for you beaming from his eyes. How is it without saying a word he made you feel like a giggling school girl all over again? It was kinda nice. You watch as Tom inspects your flawless job on painting your toe nails.

A small smile appears on his face and he leans in closer, his eyes never leaving yours before he bends down and gently blows across your toes. That was not only unexpected, it sent shivers down your spine as you watched him. Something about him made little things like this incredibly erotic. After a moment he reaches out wrapping his hands around your ankles and stroking them gently with his thumbs, his gaze returning to your lovely face just enjoying touching you.

You smile wrapping your arms around your legs looking down at him. “I can’t believe I’m living in this apartment.” You say softly. “I could never have afforded something like this, this large and fully furnished on my pay. It’s lovely but I definitely feel like the blue collar slob here.”

“Shhh. Don’t say such things.” He says reaching up and taking your hand as he moves from kneeling on the floor to sitting on the bed next to you. He kisses your knuckles gently before closing his fingers around yours. “Of course you belong here. Frankly you deserve better.” You arch a brow never having even imagined living this upscale much less actually living in it. “Besides, the security here is excellent. Michael won’t be able to get past the front door without proper identification. And his name and picture has been given to everyone with strict instructions that he is not allowed on the premises and to call the police immediately.”

You take a breath, “I know.” This was kinda your idea and you couldn’t bitch about it now. Tom rubs your back wishing that he could spend every day with you 24/7 right now when you were still so nervous. He didn’t want you to leave the apartment complex by yourself and insisted that you be with him, or an escort. You’d caused him enough grief and agreed to it but it was frustrating and you definitely felt caged up. Shaking your head not wanting to think about this right now you smiled, “You should see the shower set up. It’s so weird. Like a car wash for a human body. It doesn’t just have the shower head in the top it has jets all around to wash you all over, complete 360.”

“Really.” He says with a smile, “Well maybe you should show me this phenomenon.” He reaches out and wraps his hands around your waist drawing you closer. He tastes your lips before you wrap your arms around his shoulders. The kiss becomes a bit more passionate and only breaks as you both need to breathe. He grins, “Maybe we should see how it works with two bodies instead of one?” He suggests in a quiet mischievous whisper.

You smile and wrinkle his nose a little bit at how naughty this prince charming could be. To be honest you’d wondered yourself what sex would be like in that shower. You grin and at once you both grab each other’s hands and race to the bathroom stripping off clothing on the way.

Tom picked you up the next evening for a visit to Ms Cooper's offices. Having already given a sworn statement and a deposition, you hoped this visit was related to the hopefully impending trial. As you freshened the last of your makeup, just a little dab of lip gloss, you heard his familiar knock as he let himself in.

"Darling? Where are you, pigeon?" He called out playfully.

"In here!" You replied from the bedroom. Tom stepped into the room to find you waiting for him laughing.

"Pigeon? That's a new one, babe," you teased.

Tom blushed with a laugh and he walked closer to you and pulled you in. "Do you like it? I think it's rather...endearing, no?"

"It reminds me of Lady and the Tramp, the Disney movie? Doesn't he call Lady 'pigeon' a few times?" You ask as Tom bends to kiss your forehead and cheek.

"Maybe? It's been so long since I've seen that movie," he said. "Me too, that's why I can't remember exactly."

"Maybe soon, we'll have someone else to watch it with, a new little lady perhaps," Tom said softly as he kissed your lips. You smiled against him and placed your hands on his face. He pulled you closer and let out a small moan, and you couldn't help but giggle. "If you don't stop that, we'll never make it to the office in time," you whispered. "What do you say we put a pin in it? Come back after dinner?" You posed.

"I'll put a pin in you, darling," Tom said breathily.

"Oh baby, it's bigger than a pin, we both know that," you flirted back a wink.

~*~

Ms Cooper's visit was filled with mainly paperwork, but good news as well. Charges would be officially filed against Michael for assault and battery, with a special request to have him deported from the UK altogether. It was small, but he could only be charged for anything he'd done in London. And there stood a chance he'd never be legally allowed back into the country again, if Ms Cooper had anything to say about it.

You were thrilled, and as you smiled, you looked over to see Tom beaming. He was just as happy as you were.

The possible trial was the last obstacle in removing as much stress as you could from your lives, and there was plenty of evidence against Michael. You still were worried about who the prosecutor would end up being, but still- you were riding high regardless. You had defended yourself against a monster, and you had been keeping track of your cycle on your Clear Blue machine. And the next two nights were supposedly the best nights in a couple weeks.

As Tom opened your door at the car, you pulled him against you and kissed him, deep and slow and longing. You broke the kiss and leaned your foreheads together.

"So, I know you're worried about all this becoming clinical," you started, "but I've been keeping track, and the next 48 hours are supposed to be very good for...our little endeavor."

Tom looked down at you, and for a moment you were worried you had said something wrong. "I mean, I know you deserve to be with someone who is passionate, and you know I love you and that I'm that person but if we're still going to try this, even now, we should-!" You were interrupted in your nervous babbling by Tom's mouth on yours. He slid his tongue against your lower lip and wrapped his arms around you. You opened your mouth to him, and he snaked his tongue in. You could feel his growing hardness as he gripped your hips and pulled you close. Breathlessly, he pulled away from you and whispered, "What you're telling me then, is we should just order takeaway, is that it?"

"Yes," you nodded furiously as Tom opened your door. You hopped in as he practically ran to his side and started the Jag, and it growled to life. He all but peeled tires out of the spot in the direction of your apartment.

You and Tom lay wrapped in each others arms across your bed having just made love several times between the front door before you made it all the way to the bed. You both collapsed beside each other, covered in sweat, breathing hard to regain your breath. Both of you quite spent and quite satisfied. Tom grins and rolls towards you cupping your face and tasting your lips kissing you deeply. “I love you sweetheart.” He whispers against your lips, and grins “I can assure you completely that your fear of this getting to clinical is completely unfounded.”

You can’t help but laugh looking into his sparkling blue eyes as they shined with such love as he gazed at you. “I love you Tom.” You whisper resting you hand against his cheek stroking his face softly. He was so incredibly handsome. But it wasn’t just his looks. It was his smile, his personality, his enthusiasm, his positivity and his honesty. You could see in his eyes and feel in his touch just how much he loved you. The joy you felt having such a man, such a lover in your life was wonderful. Like a thick warm cozy blanket you could wrap around yourself.

“Not half so much as I love you sweetheart.” He breathed with a soft smile. He slid a little closer his hand wrapping behind your neck and pulling you into another deep kiss. It was the strangest thing, something you never considered could happen. But somehow, unprotected sex with Tom, like completely unprotected sex with him, no IUD, no birth control, no silly condoms, just you and him loving and adoring each other as you tried to make a baby. It was the most indescribably hot and fun thing you’d ever done in your entire life. You were going to be a mom, Tom was going to make you the mother of his children, because he loved you and wanted to be with you, and to give you the one thing in your entire life that your heart wanted more than anything else in the world.

Who else in all of existence would have stayed with you, helped you, kept you protected once you were given the title of a pediatric ‘Angel of Death’? Done everything he could to keep it quiet and used his own lawyer, which were the best in London to not only put a stop to the charges, but make certain that gag orders had been issued in every direction to keep this from getting out. Something that went well enough that when you did go back to work you could fain it was all a misunderstanding about some outstanding parking ticks on your rocker that were soon cleared up to quell the rumors and suspicions about her being a murderer. She knew people were going to be uncomfortable for a while, but soon they’d realize it was just the same old you. When you did your rounds you always had 1-2 escorts with you at each bedside. That was expected too. Most likely to make everyone feel better about you actually didn’t mind having the interns with you and showed them how to do everything step by step the correct way. You weren’t blind, or a fool. You knew this was penance and most of the staff were still wary about you.

Tonight, was one of the things that almost no one liked to do, she was assigned to work the emergency department. It was always nonstop hell and you usually got a good number of patients that didn’t understand you were there to help them and fought against you. Especially the ones that were very sick or were on something.

“Thanks for staying.” He head nurse said as she walked with you. “We’re desperately short handed tonight.”

“Sure.” You respond.

“It must be a full moon tonight. Helen got cut by a paranoid ‘schiz’ with a razor blade. And there’s a biter in four.” She explained.

“Terrific.” You say with a sigh.

“And there’s a recovering O.D. in three seeing snow lights. If you’ll see to their histories?” She asked handing her the medical files.

“No problem.” You answer taking the folders.

“Thank you. And hey.” You look at her again, “I know you would never do those things they accused you of in a million years if your life depended on it. I’m glad your back.”

You smile a little with the small but much needed vote of confidence. “Thank you.” The nurse smiled at her once more giving a slight nod before continuing on her way. The OD sounded the simplest enough so it looked like the drugged one was first up for you today. Well it was after 2am but it was time to get to work.

When you got home the following night you practically collapse on the bed and pull a pillow under your head completely exhausted. With a yawn you curl up in a ball and don’t even bother to take your shoes off as you fall sleep within moments. You forgot what kind of portal to hell it was working in the ER.

The dream came to you again. The one where you stood watching Tom asleep on the couch with your baby on his chest. You watched the tiny little bundle gently rise and fall with his breathing. It was wrapped in pink and soft yellow this time. The bundle made a small noise- not really a cry, just a little gurgle. Tom tightened his hands over it, carefully cupping it's head and sitting up from the arm of the couch. He had no idea he was being watched as he gently rocked side to side to keep the little one at peace. "It's all right, precious, Daddy's here. I've got you." Tom looked up and saw you in the doorway. He smiled at you, and you smiled back.

~*~

Tom knocked softly on the door of your apartment. He was cautious not to frighten you. After unlocking the door and slipping through it, he called out for you, keeping his voice low.

"Darling? Sweetheart, where are you?" He crooned as he strode through the living room room to your bedroom. Your shift the day before had knocked you in your ass so hard, you slept most of the following day. Tom paused in the doorway when he saw you passed out on the bed. He couldn't help but smile at the scene.

"You are just too much," he whispered to your sleeping form as he crossed the room. He leaned over to pluck your shoes off one at a time. Then he went to your dresser in search of your favorite yoga pants. You didn't have much at your place- both of you hoped your stay would be shorter than longer, and you really didn't want to pack up just to unpack again.

Tom found them, and tossed them onto the bed. He turned back around, and shifted you so you were laying flat. He gently untied the string in your scrub pants and slipped them as gingerly as possible off your hips and down your legs. After throwing them into the bathroom and making a mental note to put them in the laundry later, he gathered the new pants into his hands and did his best to slide them up your legs.

He got to your knees before you mumbled, "Baby, if you wanted to get into my pants all you had to do was ask." Your joke landed perfectly, and you felt Tom drop his lower body over your legs.

"Darling, I promise, I was only trying to help!" he pleaded. You could only laugh at him as you turned your head and pried your eyes open, to see Tom turning several shades of red. "Love, I promise, I wasn't trying to do anything funny, I just-" You interrupted him with your hand.

"I know, sweetie. It was just kinda funny, I couldn't help myself. But you should finish, though, it's cold in here," you said with a smile.

Tom finished sliding the soft fabric up and over your hips, stopping to hold them for a moment. He furrowed his brow and you noticed. "What is it?" you asked.

He didn't want to say anything. But they felt...different. Softer, or something. Like they felt different in his hands. Maybe it was just his imagination. He shook his head. "Nothing, love."

You brushed it off, still having sleep in your eyes, and looked down. "Wow...you did a good job, babe."

"Yeah? These are you favorite ones, right?" he confirmed.

"Yup. And you got them on right," you complimented. "I guess we know which one of us is going to dress squirmy little ones best, huh?" you said with a laugh. A smile spread across Tom's face as he "Ehehehe"d, and traced little patterns across your stomach.

He paused for a moment before asking, "Do you...do you know anything yet? Is there anything...do you feel any different, I mean? Do you think...?" He didn't quite know how to ask. He wanted to ask if you ‘felt pregnant’...but he was worried about whether or not that was even something you felt. You covered his hand with your small one.

"No. Not yet. But, it's only been a week. Sometimes it takes a little bit, the guide said, to even feel anything." you said. And you didn't feel quite like you did with your other pregnancies. But something felt a little different, you just couldn't put your finger on it.

Tom's voice interrupted your thoughts. "Well...I'm sure we'll know something soon," he said hopefully. He stroked your stomach under your scrub top with his thumb. The waiting was the worst part for him. He felt so helpless, like there was nothing he could do but sit there and wait for a result while you did all the work. He hated the feeling. He'd always been able to do something about the course of his life, and this was the first time where all he could do was wait.

Truth be told, you were still feeling anxious. Dr Miles had told you everything was normal, and you'd been taking your vitamins and everything, and nothing had happened yet. It was so frustrating. You tried very hard though, to not think like that. These things did take time, and you'd only been trying for just about two months. Patience was not your best virtue, that was certain.

It seemed as though you were both getting a bit discouraged and as such a bit more determined in your efforts. It wasn’t as though you weren’t already hopelessly attracted to each other and completely in love as well as completely in lust, but one afternoon you both realized at the same time you were getting a little bit reckless. You’d followed him to work and met him in his trailer having a complete and outright throw down on the floor moments before he was due in make-up.

You looked over at the trailer door your eyes going wide, “We forgot to lock the door.” You blushed. Tom looked up realizing the same thing knowing that the wild fires would fly if someone walked in and found him in the desperate almost uncontrolled throws of passion with you. He sighed and shook his head kissing you a few times before embracing you in his arms. He stood taking your hand and helping you to your feet as you both straightened your clothes and zipped and buttoned everything back up. “I’m sorry.” You say a bit embarrassed having stalked him like some kind of lovesick fan girl sneaking on set and into his trailer nearly attacking him.

Tom chuckles and touches your chin, “Absolutely nothing to be sorry about love. Trust me.” He says kissing your nose then your lips hugging you tight. He checked his watch, “I do have to go to work now though. Do you want to say here on set with me today?” He questions.

You shook your head a bit still overwhelmed with embarrassment at your actions. “No, I need to get some things done today. I haven’t had a day off in a couple of weeks and I’ve slacked off on a few things.” You say softly your eyes still turned down.

“Alright.” He says kissing you again before wrapping his arms around you lacing his fingers at the small of your back. “Hey,” He says resting his forehead against yours, “It’s alright love. I have to say that finding a beautiful woman in my trailer and having the pleasure of making love to her is much better then coffee to start the day.” You couldn’t stop the small smile appearing on your lips and he grinned before kissing you again. “Everything fine darling, we’ll talk when I get home tonight. Alright?” He says kissing you once again.

You nod a little and he hugs you with one of those full body hugs letting you know just how much he cares for you before kissing your forehead, “I love you sweetheart.” He said gently.

“I love you more.” He smiles and kisses your forehead then your hands hurrying out of the trailer so he wouldn’t be late for make-up. Your smile faded and you covered your face with your hand. When in the hell did you get to be such a nymphomaniac?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sat in Dr. Miles office leaning your head against the counter and flicking a pencil back and forth with your fingers. You’d gone straight there after leaving the set having ravaged Tom within an inch of his life. Granted he’d given as good as he got but still. It was a bit . . . ridiculous.

The door opened and Dr. Miles slipped inside carrying your chart and closed the door. Instantly you stood from the chair and walked closer to him “Well? What did the tests say? Did they say anything? Am I pregnant yet?” You say anxiously.

Dr. Miles held up his hand motioning for you to sit down and take a breath. You realized you were being a little pushy and took a deep breath as he instructed and retook your seat. You felt like you were going to jump out of your skin. “It’s alright, as I’ve told you, you are looking very good. Everything is healthy, you have to keep calm.” He reminds you as you’d been agitated every time you called him in the past few weeks. “I know you’re excited and anxious but you have to keep calm.”

“I know, Doctor. I know, and I’m very sorry I just . . . I just want everything to be good and . . . I just want to know it can happen, and that it will happen and I . . . “ You begin to rattle on tears forming in your eyes.

“Okay, you’re a little manic right now, which is perfectly understandable.” He reached in his pocket taking out a bottle of meds. “This might help with that a bit. You need to take these three times a day every day.” You recognized that bottle, you were a nurse in a pediatric ward, and you’d seen it countless times.

“Three times a day.” You repeat your eyes never moving from the bottle.

“Yes. Every day until the baby comes.” He says causing your eyes to go wide.

“Baby?” It felt like your mind completely shut down, you were completely dumbstruck and a little in shock.

He smiles a bit, “Yes. We did three different pregnancy tests on you today and all confirmed it. You are pregnant.” You just stared at him a moment as the world seemed to slow down and then stop. After a moment it began to move and speed up as you could finally take a breath again.

“I’m pregnant?” You whisper as a smile sweeps your face, “but the tests. The home  
‘clear blue easy’ stuff came up negative though. I’ve been testing frequently.”

“Home pregnancy tests can be faulty and sometimes they don’t work with some women’s chemistry. It’s possible because of the hormone balance that you had that we treated was interfering with its readings. However we did several tests, and of course blood tests do not lie.” He says with a smile. Suddenly a huge wave of joy started to fill you, you could hardly believe it. You were pregnant; you were going to have a baby! You held up your hands to take the bottle of vitamins from him but instead of placing them in your hand it pulls them back hesitantly.

Your bright smile fades a little as you look up at him. “What is it? Aren’t those the right vitamins for me?”

There’s a long uncomfortable pause as he reaches over picking up your file. Which you had noticed was thicker the last two times you came in not knowing why. “I need to discuss something with you, which I meant to discuss with you before. But you are two weeks pregnant, and . . . it just can’t be put off any longer.”

Your joy dimmed somewhat as you looked up at him resting your hands in your lap. “What’s wrong? Is it the hormone deficiency? I thought it was corrected? I’ve kept taking the medication for it religiously.”

“No, your hormones are perfect. Above normal now actually which might be contributing to your increased libido recently, as well as the pregnancy itself. Despite popular myth, pregnant women are more sexually active during their pregnancy.” You just stared at him your hands starting to shake feeling like a boom was about to be lowered on her happy moment.

“Then what?” You ask feeling your heart flutter in fear.

The doctor hesitated for another moment, “Do you think that bringing a child into the world is the responsible thing for you to do? Given your circumstances and special needs?” He questioned.

You just stare at him not certain he had just said what he said. “Excuse me?” You say in disbelief.

The doctor opens your chart and flipping a few pages, “I received some of your medical records from when you were younger. The mental problems, the depression, the violent outbursts. There is scattered information about heavy alcohol and drug use. It shows that you were actually committed for over a month in a mental institution under frequent suicide watch.” You just stared at him at disbelief.

Your heart sank and you felt sick and horrified as you stood up and reached out snatching the files away starring at the records, “What is this? Where did you get these things? Who sent them to you?” She asked quickly.”

“I don’t know. They were in your chart the last time I reviewed them. The nurses said they were delivered from your previous doctors.

“But how would they know to send them here? I didn’t notify them, I didn’t request them because they were all made up bullshit. It’s not true. It isn’t true!” You exclaimed. “Me and all my records are supposed to be under a dummy name, how did they know I was here? Who told them?”

He held up his hands trying to calm you down before gently taking the folder from your hand setting it aside. He sat you back down before sitting in the chair next to you. “What I have to pull to your attention is that you have a very long history of mental and medical issues. Issues that you could be passing to your child. A child, who once it’s born, may have to go through everything you went through. Everything your life may be the future that your child has. Do you really want that for them? To have to endure all of that pain, and confusion and misery?” He questioned.

There was a lump in your throat never having through about all that before. “No.” You say in a definite tone. “Because it won’t be like that. I won’t let it be like that. I have never taken a single drug that has residual side effects. Drugs that stay in the body and pass to children. I have never taken a second one. When they are born they’ll have something I never had. Two loving parents, who already adore them completely and want to give them the world. They won’t be alone, and they’ll be taken care of. Given everything they need.”

“As long as that lasts.” The doctor added. You furrowed your brow starring at him. “Miss James. He’s an actor, surrounded by beautiful women all day every day, He’s young, healthy, handsome. It would be foolish of you to think that he doesn’t allow himself to indulge at times when he is months away from you. Is that what you want for you? For your daughter?”

You stood, “How dare you. How DARE you say such things to me! You don’t know us, you obviously don’t know a thing about us! The hell we’ve gone through to get to this point! Every precaution in the world, following every direction down to the last letter. We want this baby; we are having this baby, together.” You snap before turning and grabbing the file from the counter, “This? Is nothing but a pack of lies put together by my ex-husband. Trying to make me out to be something I am not!” You turn and slam it down into the garbage bin.

Reaching out you snatch the vitamins off the table, “Miss James.” He said causing you to look at him “There’s a small window of opportunity here. To think about it, to think about everything, to think about the small being inside of you, and what would be best for them. It’s a hard situation . . . .but you are an intelligent young woman. I’ve no doubt that when you have time to think, you will make the right decision.” You clinched your jaw and shoved the vitamins in your purse before storming out of the office.

How could someone be such an incredible asshole? To give you the news you had been going crazy waiting to receive, he had to throw a dark over shadowing with advising you weren’t fit to be a mother, bringing your baby into the world would be a bad idea. You had fought for this baby for what seemed like an eternity. You were never going to let them go, never.

You left the clinic and went to the store. You had a special dinner to make and not too much time to get everything ready before he came home. You had such wondrous excellent news. You needed to be dressed your best, the food need to be perfect, the candles lit, the wine (wine that was now nonalcoholic for you) The excitement of the tasks before you was helping ease the burden of the blatant suggestion that you weren’t fit to be a mother and should eliminate it before it became into being. It was unbelievable. Dr. Miles had been so supportive and helpful before now. What happened? What was in those files for him to do a complete 180% on you like that? You shook it off and focused on what was most important. Tom. Tom the man who made you believe again, who loved you, and wanted a family with you. You owed him everything. You were going to make this a very special night.

You had just finished setting the table when you heard the door open. “Darling, where are you?" Tom called out.

"I'm in here!" you called from the dining room. He found you as he rounded the corner, a happy smile plastered on his face. "There you are. I missed you today, I wish you had stayed," Tom confessed as he stepped toward you, pulling you in close for a kiss.

"I missed you too."

"Did you get all your errands done, at least?"

"Well...I got everything important done," you said with a smile. Tom smiled back and said, "Oh really? Well, as long as the important stuff is done."

He looked down at you with such love in his eyes, and you knew every vile word Dr Miles had said was false. Tom would never be able to commit the acts the doctor believed him to be capable of. A sense of such joy washed over you. And the sense you might need to look for another doctor tomorrow morning.

"What is it, love? You look like you've got something on your mind."

"I do...but let's eat first, dinner's going to burn if I leave it in there much longer!"

As you broke apart with one last kiss, you slid from around Tom and bent to open the oven door. He watched you...and he was sure there was something different about you this last week. He still couldn't figure it out though, and it was really starting to bug him. And besides it all, he couldn't take his eyes off of you. He always thought you were gorgeous, the way your hips would sway just so, how your hands flew over your tasks when he watched you work, or the way you would do a little dance when you were happy. You'd done that a lot lately. But something has changed, he could feel it.

You picked up the hot dish and came towards him still watching you from the dining room. "I made one of your favorites, I hope it came out all right," you told him, placing the small pan of vegetable lasagna on a trivet. You looked back up to see Tom staring at you.

"What?"

"Darling, you look like the cat who ate the canary, only more pleased. What's going on?" Tom asked with a smile. You bite your lip. "Sit down."

He pulled one of the chairs out for you, then walked around and sat on the opposite corner. You took his hands and laced them with yours. After a few seconds, you opened your mouth- it was still a little unbelievable, and you were still a little in shock. But it finally rolled off your tongue.

"I'm pregnant."

The world stopped for the second time that day. Tom's eyes doubled in size, and his jaw went slack. He eeked out, "You- you're-you, you are...are you really?" He could hardly believe his ears. Or his eyes, when you started nodding. The very thing the two of you had been fighting and scratching for had finally happened. Tom didn't know what to say- because he was so excited he couldn't even react at first. Frozen, with probably the dumbest smile he'd ever worn, he started to laugh.

When he laughed, you were finally able to breathe. No reaction was not a good reaction you thought, but you realized he was in just as much shock as you were a few hours ago.

"Oh my god...oh my god. You're really pregnant, aren't you?!" Tom shouted with delight. You nodded and grinned. "Dr. Miles says two weeks," you told him, instinctively curling your hand over your stomach. He squeezed your other hand and pulled you to standing quickly, and wrapped his arms around you entirely. You returned his hug as he started to rock you gently back and forth, and you heard him sniffle.

"Baby, don't cry! You're gonna make me cry, and I won't be able to stop!" you tried to convince him.

But it didn't stop him. "I can't help it, darling, this is fantastic!" Tom said as he pulled back from you. Without warning, he dropped to his knees and lifted your shirt gently. You giggled as he kissed you bare stomach and crooned softly to the new little life, "Hello little baby, this is your daddy..I can't wait to meet you, and your mum too, and we are so excited you're finally here! But just stay in there for a while longer, and let mum finish taking care of you, all right?"

You ran your hands through his hair during his speech. When he was done, he kissed and nuzzled your belly, tickling you gently.

"We did it, darling. I told you it would happen."

"Well, we're not entirely out of the woods yet. We still have a way to go before we can really say that," you said with a cautious optimism.

"Yes. But it's going to be fine, I know it." Tom rose to his feet and continued. "I can feel it. I promise you, it'll be far different this time around than it ever has been for you." His words always had a way to touch you, and you smiled up at him. He bent his head to kiss you deeply, and you returned it. After breaking the kiss, he rested his forehead on yours, and you reached up to cup his face.

"I love you."

"Not nearly as much as I love you, my darling."

Tom watched as you flipped through the phone book having gone online looking for every single OBGYN in the area. “Darling, are you sure you want to change doctors now of all times? Now that we’re pregnant? It seems like Dr. Miles would know you best after having helped us along and get to this point.” He suggested.

“Any doctor that thinks it’s acceptable to take the happiest moment of my life and try to stomp all over it and make it a bad thing, doesn’t count as a good doctor in my opinion.” You sigh softly, “I’m not imagining it Tom, he sat there and told me that I wouldn’t make a good mother. That I shouldn’t do this, I shouldn’t have a baby. That what was best for me would be to just have an abortion.” You shake your head flipping through the pages again, “There’s something wrong there. I don’t know what it is. You’re right, he’s helped us and been so incredibly supportive but for some reason that’s all changed. “ You shake your head, “Tom, I’ve been through too much in my life to not recognize the signs when something is wrong.”

He stood and walked over sitting down next to you and could clearly see you were upset. You were scared and you were angry and you were panicking. He took your hand in his reaching up and stroking your head gently with his other hand. “Alright.” He said letting you know that he was supporting your decision. If for some reason Dr. Miles had changed his opinion about helping you, or if, God forbid, Michael had gotten to him somehow, you wanted nothing to do with him. “Let me call my sister. And Benedict's fiancé, Sophie. See about the OBGYN that they have seen. I’ve no doubt they used the best and they can be trusted.”

You sigh softly and give a nod, feeling very anxious inside. He kisses your cheek once more before releasing your hand and sliding his hand under your shirt resting it over your abdomen. You couldn’t help but smile when he did that and covered his hands with both of yours. “It’s going to be a while before you can feel anything honey.” You say reaching up and stroking his chin with your fingertips.

“I know, but . . . I’m just excited. And I want to be there, I want to feel the first time they kick, they move, I just want to be involved, that’s all. It’s so unfair that you have to do all the work alone.”

“Alone?” You say arching a brow. “Tom, how on earth did I get pregnant in the first place if you weren’t involved?” He ‘ehehehe’s’ and smiles a bit brighter wrapping his arms around you and kissing you softly.

“Well, I was involved with the fun part, but you’re the one who’s caring for it and protecting it while he grows inside of you.” He gently strokes your cheek before his fingertips move down the nape of your neck adoring the soft feel of your skin. He loved touching you, he’d known there was something different about you before, but now knowing that what was different was that you were carrying a small life inside of you, you were carrying his baby, was wondrous, and exciting, and he wanted you more than ever. To love you, all of you, every inch of your body, to curl you up in his arms and protect you from all the world. He started to lean in for a kiss but you reached into his pocket taking out his cell phone handing it to him. Desperately wanting him to make his phone calls. You didn’t want to be without the proper doctor looking after you for too long. You wanted your baby safe and healthy. Tom looks at it before smiling softly and giving a nod understanding how you felt.

“I’m going to go take my medications and run through the shower. It’s getting late. We should be in bed.” You say kissing his nose, then kissing his lips. “I need to make sure to get the minimum amount of sleep of 8 hours for the baby’s sake.” You explain. Tom smiles pleased to see how determined you were to keep his baby healthy.

“I’ll be up in a few minutes.” He said squeezing your hand. You giggle a little before turning and heading to the bedroom. Tom’s smile faded somewhat not having wanted to show you how infuriated he was with this turn of events with Dr. Miles. He’d met him several times and he seemed very professional, the top of his field, but how dare he say such a vile thing, to even imagine of thinking of suggesting abortion to a woman who was so anxious, so desperately wanted a child of her own. It was unacceptable. He had a few phone calls to make on that front but first thing was first and he dialed Benedict Cumberbatch to find out who Sophie Hunter was seeing. It had been some time since his older sister had given birth to his nephew, but perhaps she had the name of a good obstetrician they could try as well.

 

(Next Chapter -->)


	6. Code Green - Chapter 6

After having showered, you braided your hair into two braids, one on each side of your head as you sucked on a lollipop. Wearing your Loki green satin short shorts PJ’s and matching Spaghetti strap top you lay on your belly across your side of the bed, your ankles crossed and swaying back and forth as you looked through a baby catalog. You’d been collecting them and stashing them like a teenage boy hording playboys, but now that it was confirmed you were indeed pregnant, you didn’t have to hide them anymore.

There was one thing that was bothering you since you left Dr. Miles office. He said ‘your daughter’ like he actually knew the sex of the baby. That was impossible at just 2 weeks. The earliest you would be able to tell would be 16-17 weeks and even then you couldn’t be absolutely sure until 20 weeks. It was bazaar. There was no way in the world you could be 3 months pregnant. You would know. He would have told you, wouldn’t he? You shook it off. That would be completely dumb and unethical. Not to mention downright cruel and mean. Perhaps he just assumed that you wanted a little girl and that’s why he had said it.

Tom smiled when he came in and saw you looking more beautiful than ever to his eyes. He peeled off his shirt tossing it aside leaving only his black satin lounge pants before crawling up onto the bed over you. You giggle a little feeling the way his body covers you before wrapping his arms beneath you literally hugging your body with every inch of his kissing your cheek, your neck and across your shoulders.

“Sophie says that she’ll call her OB in the morning and make you an appointment, to see if you and her can go in together for the first one. Just to feel more comfortable.” He reports. You smile and nod. He kisses your neck again before resting his cheek against yours, “So what are we looking at mummy?”

You giggle a little hearing him say that. “Just nursery stuff, some clothes, and look . . .” You flipped over to the Holiday section, “Aren’t these the most adorable first Christmas and first Easter outfits?”

“Hmmm.” He says his lights lighting up, “And of course mummy’s outfit needs to match too. And I want pictures of every single one.” He kisses your ear and grins against it, “I don’t want to miss even a moment of my family.” He whispers. A grin sweeps your face as you close the catalogue and turn over beneath him looking up into his sparkling eyes. He was just as excited as you were and it just made your heart soar.

Reaching up you cupped his face in his hand kissing him slowly at first before a bit deeper as you could feel Tom’s arm wrapping further around you tighter. Then you looked up into his eyes, “Thank you.” You whisper in a ghost like whisper. He furrowed his brow not quite understanding, “For fixing me. For making me better.”

He smiled gently his hands moving to cradle your head ever so lovingly as he gazed into your beautiful eyes and the love and admiration that shined from deep within them as they gazed back at him. “You were never broken my love.” He whispers. “It was the people around you who were broken. Who had no idea how precious you were. Now, I’m so pleased and privileged to have you, to want you so much and have you want me in return.” That same excited smile he’d been wearing since you gave him the news reappeared as he rested his forehead against yours, “Now you’re making me a father, and I can’t wait to meet our baby.” He says excitedly.

You grin as you reach up cupping his face and anxiously kissing him again. Your bodies began to move against one another’s overcome with desire and deep just wanting to feel each other, to make love to one another.

Deep inside your heart, in the back of your mind that you would never say allowed, but seemed to have become louder brought to the forefront of your mind after your visit at Dr. Miles. When you were pregnant and you told Michael . . . he was just as excited, and full of praise, and spoiled you like crazy. But when you had the miscarriage, all that changed completely. You became a worthless traitor that he didn’t have time for and he punished you. Severely. He was so cruel and heartless to you. Tom wouldn’t do that to you, you were so certain he wouldn’t. But . . . the fear was still in your mind and weighed heavy on your heart. You hugged Tom tighter closing your eyes as you wrapped your leg around his waist arching your back. You never loved someone so much before, and you were certain he loved you.

“Hello dear, this is Sophie! I just wanted to leave you a quick message to let you know, I’ve just gotten off the phone with Dr Riggins, and she’d be happy to see you- she’s got an appointment available three days from now, so I gave her your name and told her you’d call her. But in the meantime, I would love to meet up with you for lunch or tea or something. Won’t you give me a call back? I’ll talk to you soon, hun. Ta!”

You played the voicemail one more time. You had never actually met Sophie personally like this. She was certainly a presence in Benedict’s life…but then again, you’d never really had the chance to be around Benedict either. Everything was so cloak-and-dagger with Tom sometimes, but you knew it was for the best, especially because of Michael. But that problem seemed to be fading fast. And since you and Tom were now connected through this little life, you wanted to be more involved with his friends and family. And since you didn’t have many friends yourself, you really wanted to take advantage of this opportunity.

Dialing the phone nervously, you took a deep breath. Who knew it could be stressful to make friends? But you had no reason to worry, you realized, when Sophie answered the call. “There you are, sweetie, I was hoping you’d call back!”

“Hi Sophie..how are you?”

“I’m wonderful, how are you? Congratulations! I’m so excited for you and Tom!” she gushed.

“Thank you so much! But just don’t say anything yet, please. It’s way too early, we don’t want to jinx anything,” you begged quietly.

“Sweetie, I wouldn’t dream of it. And besides, it’s not my news to tell. Listen, I don’t have but a minute, but would you like to go this afternoon for tea? I’d love to meet up with you some more and get to know you better. I feel like there will be lots of playdates in the future for us,” Sophie planned, and you could hear her smile through the phone. You couldn’t help but smile back and nod. “I would love that, Sophie. Where should we meet?”

“There’s a fantastic little café just around the corner and they serve really great decaf tea. You’ll find not many places do, unfortunately.” She’d thought of everything. You found yourself so grateful for her suddenly. “Shall we say three o’clock?”

“I’ll see you then, Soph.”

You hung up feeling so excited. You had a new friend, and couldn’t help but feel giddy about the whole thing. You shot Tom a text message quickly before getting ready for the day.

‘ Meeting Sophie for tea at 3p. Thank you so much for calling her last night.’

‘Of course, my darling. Decaf, right? I think caffeine is supposed to be bad for the baby -T.’

‘Of course decaf…have you been reading my books? ;-)’

‘I just want to be as helpful as I can, you know that…and I may have learned a thing or two from my sister ;-)’

‘You are VERY helpful, my love. I’ll see you when you get home tonight ;-**’

~*~  
You entered the little café and saw Sophie waving you over with a smile. You grinned and all but skipped over to the table. She stood and pulled you in for a hug. “Ohh, it’s so lovely to finally meet you properly!” she fussed over you.

You waved your hand as the hug ended, saying, “Oh stop it, it’s good to meet you too! And congratulations to you! You must be so excited!” you said, motioning to her bump. Sophie placed a hand on it and beamed. “Thank you. I am ecstatic. And Ben is just over the moon, he couldn’t be any happier.”

“He and Tom certainly have that in common now,” you whispered. You and Sophie exchanged giddy smiles as you sat and ordered.

The afternoon went amazingly well. You were so happy to be making new friends, and especially ones that relate to what you were going through with the baby. You knew you would have Sophie’s support, and Ben’s, heaped on Tom’s. Not to mention his sisters and parents. You counted so many blessings realizing your baby would have no shortage of love when it finally arrived.

“So, I went ahead and reserved the appointment for you on Monday, and I’ve got the morning free so I can go with you, if you like. Will Tom be able to make it?”

“I’m not sure yet, I’ll ask him. I know they’re behind on filming and the director is really working them hard to catch up. I hope he can come,” you admitted a little wistfully.

“I do too. But if he can’t make it and the director is being a bit of a hardass…and we can be…then at least you’ll definitely be able to take home a video and a picture of the sonogram.”

“Both? I didn’t know they had both there, that’s so exciting!” You squealed quietly. You hoped Tom would be able to make it, but at least you would have that to show him if he couldn’t. And besides, having a sonogram would put to rest the nagging feeling that Dr Miles had planted about just how far along you really were.

You sat nervously in the waiting room with Sophie in the humiliating little paper gown and sheet they put women in after stealing their clothes. Cause that’s the greatest way to start off such an important appointment, is to completely disarmed and unnerve the mother completely.”

“Good afternoon, Miss Sophie, Miss James. It’s very good to see you today.” She said with a smile closing the door and reaching out shaking each of your hands. “So what can we help you with today Miss James?”

You took a breath, “Well . . . it’s a long story but, I don’t want any more surprises or taking any chances.” You say with a sigh.

“I promise you, Miss James, anything discussed between us is completely confidential.” You give a nod and Sophie takes your hand for encouragement. You tell the new doctor everything from beginning to end trying to leave anything out that might be relevant. The woman listened, and Sophie’s hand squeezed tighter to yours not having known about any of this before now. You and Tom had done exceptionally well keeping this between you private.

After listening to everything the doctor gave a nod, “Well Mr. James there are quite a few questionable things in your story.” Your face frowned preparing to be called a liar yet again, “No no, nothing that you’ve told me. So much as what you’ve been told. So, I would like to begin with a few tests to get some accurate answers of our own. Today we’re going to do a complete pelvic exam, a full blood panel, and a transvaginal ultrasound.” She turned to the nurse, “Can you get Miss James ready please.” The nurse started to prep things.

“Transvaginal? . … . what does that mean?”

“The most well known type of sonogram is where we would smooth some gel over your abdomen and use a wand to take a look. However, in this case, I would like a clearer more accurate idea of what is what we’re dealing with. SO we’re going to take a look inside. Don’t worry.” She says patting your hand, “You won’t feel a thing.” They pulled out the stirrups and put your heels in each one gathering their equipment.

You turned to Sophie, “You don’t have to stay in here for this if you don’t want.” You hated this. It was slightly better than when Tom actually came with you, but not much. It just seemed like a creepy thing to be accompanied to unless it was a mom or a sister. But to have someone who wasn’t quite a friend with you was pretty strange, and having a man, even though he was you lover . . . . was always beyond more then you could take.

“It’s alright love, we’re all girls here.” Sophie said patting your hand. The exam seemed to go pretty quickly, almost an hour as they were incredibly through and literally left nothing overlooked. With a smile they helped you take your feet down and gave you back your clothes.

“Alright Miss James, it will be a few days before we receive the results of all the tests. However, I do have some information that I need to give you now.” She began as you stood behind the shade pulling on your clothing.

“Oh?” You say nervously.

“First and foremost, you aren’t carrying a 2 week fetus, you’re carrying a 3-4 month fetus. You’re almost into your second trimester. The assumption that it’s a baby ‘girl’ isn’t an assumption at all, more like clear and plan fact. He could see this on the ultrasound and there could be no mistake. He should have told you the moment it was confirmed you were with child. The medical board will be hearing about this entire incident no question.” The doctor said in an annoyed tone arching a brow.

You step out from behind the changing screen just starring at the doctor in shock, “But how can that be . . . I would have . . . I wouldn’t have missed something like that? I tested, literally almost every day. Surely something would have shown up, warned me, I would have felt differently.”

“What he told you about your hormone imbalance is probably right. It interfered with the outcome of the tests. They were going to just keep coming up negative. But your blood tests say, without a doubt, you are indeed with child. An almost 4 month daughter residing within you.” You just stare at her for several moments speechless, unable to let a thought past your mind. You were just frozen.

“Doctor.” Sophie said holding your hand again “What about the baby? Is she healthy? Is everything alright? None of this bizarre nonsense has harmed her has it?” She questioned.

“No, not from what I can see. She’s strong, healthy, very developed for her age, and as lively as can be. I took some screen captures of both the regular ultrasound and transvaginal ultrasound for you to take home, Miss James. The best ones with the clearest images of your little girl.” You nod a little still starring at nothing. Sophie took the folder for her before shaking the doctors hand “Thank you again doctor. You’ve been such a great help to us.”

“I’d like to see her again in 2 weeks.” Sophie smiled and nodded before grabbing your coat and purse and hurrying you out of the office. She drove you back to your apartment and you hadn’t said a word since you left the clinic.

“Darling, this is good news. Everything is fine. You’re well, the baby is exceptional. Everything is as it should be.” Sophie said.

“If that were true then how could I have been pregnant this long without knowing it, becoming more and more discouraged by the way? Oh God,” You cover your eyes, “I didn’t know. What would have happened if I didn’t know I was pregnant? If I drank something, took something, ate something, missed a medication . . . . .Oh god.” You cover your face with both hands feeling so sick to your stomach.

Sophie reached over and put her hand on your shoulder to breathe, “Calm down sweetie. Just take big calm breaths. Lay your head back and keep breathing in slow and deep.” You try to do as you are instructed but this was impossible, how could this have happened? Why would they keep this from you? Or was it they were laying to you now? How could you tell what was real? How could you tell what to believe?

Sophie took out her phone and dialed Tom’s number telling him to meet them at your apartment now, that there had been a bit of jarring news about the baby you didn’t seem to be accepting terribly well. Tom agreed and immediately hung up leaving the set and heading to the flat as fast as possible.

Tom squealed into a parking spot in your complex and ran up the steps two at a time. He flew through the door. "Where is she?" he asked quickly trying to catch his breath.

"In the bedroom," Sophie replied, pointing quickly in the direction. Tom ran in, seeing you lying in the middle of the bed with you head propped up on the pillows. "Darling? Sweetheart, it's all right, I'm here, I'm right here."

He hopped up around you, enveloping you in his arms. "Oh Tom, oh my god," you moaned scared.

"Sweetheart, what's the matter? Talk to me, please."

You pulled him tighter and breathed him in. You could feel your pulse slow back down with Tom’s arms around you. He rubbed your back trying to coax the news from you. "Love, please talk to me, what is going on? Is there something with the baby? Please tell me."

You took a deep breath to calm yourself once more. "Dr Miles was wrong. I'm not two weeks."

You watched his face fall. Afraid you would tell him you were never pregnant to start with. Tom placed a hand on your stomach.

"Dr Riggins....she said I'm fourteen weeks."

He froze. His eyes grew to the size of saucers. And a huge smile spread across his face. "You're what? Fourteen? Are you sure?"

You reached across to the nightstand to show Tom the pictures. The shaded black and white images were proof, and being a nurse, you could tell how right Dr Riggins was. You handed them over and pointed. "See, here's her head, and there's her little legs. And her little arms, here," you said quietly.

He could hardly believe his eyes. Here you were, afraid it would never happen, when it had actually happened almost immediately. Tom's vision blurred as he stared at the picture, so happy. "We're having a little girl? Was she sure?"

"Yes, she was positive, even though it was early, she did two ultrasounds, and she was sure."

"Is she okay? Is everything healthy? Is she safe and- and secure in there?" Tom asked quickly, rubbing his hand over your belly.

"She's all right, despite not knowing she was in there. Dr Riggins did a whole panel of tests and all the preliminary results came back fine," you answered.

He couldn't take any more. Tom leaned forward and cupped your face, still holding the pictures. He captured your lips while still crying, which forced your hand- the tears welled in your eyes. You felt them spill down your cheeks while you deepened the kiss.

" I love you so much, my dear love," Tom murmured against your lips.

"I love you," you whispered back.

Sophie peeked around the corner into the room, and quickly pulled back. "Sorry, loves!" You barely heard her as she giggled and saw her way out, locking the door behind her.

There were quite a number of pill bottles in the bathroom cabinet and your nightstand at this point. Every vitamin under the sun, and you checked with your new doctor about everything wanting to make certain it was all safe. Telling her about the past incidents with Michael and the suspicious medications that he’d given you in the past, the doctor not only checked the labels but had each one taken out and tested to make certain they were what they said.

Unfortunately, there were two that you had been taking that were unidentifiable that resulted in another furry of tests on you, and on the baby. But everything was fine. This doctor put you on the right medications, the right directions, the right doses and the correct vitamins for your particular needs. She insisted that she saw you every 2 weeks without fail and gave you her personal number if you had any questions or concerns or fears. Everything was fine, and with Sophie pregnant as well she had a kindred spirit. Sophie wasn’t far enough along yet to know the sex of the baby but she was excited of course, and you were excited with her

“So it looks like we have a little less time to plan for everything then we hoped.” Sophie said with a bright smile. “We have time before lunch, do you want to go window shopping for baby clothes and odds and ends?” You half smile and shook your head a little bit looking back out the window not having said much all day. Knowing more about the situation now, she understood where your fears and apprehensions were coming from. Reaching over she wrapped her hand around yours, “Sweetie, it’s okay. Everything’s fine, you heard the doctor say the baby is healthy, you’re both healthy, everything looks wonderful. You have every right to be happy.”

“I know Sophie, I know I do. Tom and I have worked so hard, so very hard to get pregnant and now it’s happened after all this time . . . . a while ago apparently, it’s still a little hard to believe and I can’t help but feel . . . .” You stop taking a breath lowering your head as you cover your face with your hand.

Sophie squeezes your hand a bit tighter, “What is it honey”

You take a breath and lower your hand but your eyes remain downcast to your lap, “None of my pregnancies made it past the second trimester. 6 months was the longest, I almost made it to the seventh . . . but one morning I woke up . . . and he was gone.” Reaching up you quickly wipe your tears away from your face embarrassing to talk about. It had been ages ago and you were certain you’d left it all in the past. “Everything seemed fine, and right, and healthy up until then . . . and then . . . it just happened. . . .” You breathed. “Michael was furious with me. He said I killed his baby.” You take a soft breath shaking your head.

Sophie hated this. It was a moment you had been trying for, hoping for, working for for so long. And now that idiot Miles had to go and ruin it for you. “Hey you know what fellow pregnant lady? It’s after lunch. Let’s go get something deep fried and dipped in chocolate. Yeah?” You can help but smile and giggle before giving a nod. Sophie squeezed your hand once more before turning the car around. She knew the perfect place.

Sitting with each other surrounded by all kinds of things that normal people might look at and shudder at the thought of putting in their mouths, you and Sophie were rather enjoying your sinful indulgence into comfort food and sugar. Sophie drank her pomegranate milkshake as you took a bite of your triple cheese burger. “Honey, You can’t let the past you so much. You are with someone who loves you now, to see that you’re safe and well looked after, who is making absolute certain that you are under the best care you can be.” She reassures you.

“I know.” You say softly, “I know he loves me so much.” You rest your hands over your abdomen, “He loves us.” You close your eyes shaking your head a bit, “But there’s still a poisonous snake in the grass that I wish someone would run over with a lawn mower.” You sigh a little, “I can’t help thinking that it was him and his people who got to doctor Miles. Doctor miles helped us so much. He seemed so caring, and concerned, and supportive and then all of a sudden . . . he turned completely. After knowing everything that I had gone through, everything Tom and I had to go through how hard we worked, how much we wanted to be parents . . . . he actually said it was irresponsible for me to have a baby. That I should terminate the pregnancy. Kill my baby. Our little girl.” There were tears in your eyes when what should have been the happiest moment of your life was turned into the worst thing one person could say to another. “He’s a monster. Which is up against some pretty stiff competition working in the hospital as long as I have and being married to the worlds biggest asshole.”

Sophie ate a French fry thinking for a moment wanting to find someway to cheer you up, “So, is Tom going to be with you in the delivery room?” She questioned not wanting to dwell on the fears so much as the happiness.

A look of horror crossed her face, “No!” You exclaimed your face blushing bright red.

Sophie grinned taking a drink of her milk shake, “Oh, why not! Birth is a beautiful experience. Benedict and I are going to tape ours.”

“Yeah, it’s okay for the medical staff, friends and family to say that. They’re only there for the day. Tom has to return to that area later with a completely different agenda. Something he might not want to do when he sees a human baby pop out of me covered in goo.” You explained having been present for many baby deliveries. It was strange you never thought of these sorts of things before when it was your patients, but you thought of it now that it was you and it made your skin crawl.

“Oh but honey, he’s going to want to be there for you. To support you.” She said with a smile.

“And he will. He’ll be right there at the hospital. . . . .sitting in the waiting room with a glass of whiskey in one hand and a cigar in the other waiting for the results.” You say taking another bite of your fish and chips. Sophie couldn’t help but laugh and smile having a feeling Tom was going to have something to say about that plan.

She checked her watch looking at you, “It’s getting late. Tom said he wanted you home at 6 sharp. He was making a special dinner just for the two of you.” She said with a smile.

You give a little nod as you reach over taking a deep drink from your glass. Sophie’s smile faded a little bit seeing your reaction. It was a reaction that was becoming more and more common since the subject of Tom come up. Almost as if you were afraid to go home to him. Afraid that you had done something wrong. Afraid that he would be upset with you. Sophie didn’t say anything about it, but it was getting worse and worse and it was putting stress on you that you definitely did not need. Sophie would take him aside and tell him to night when she took you home.

“Tom, I’m a little concerned about (y/n)”

His eyes got a bit wide before he furrowed his brow. “What do you mean, Soph?”

“Well…she got nervous all day about coming over. Like she was going to be treated like some petulant child or something. She was worried all day, and I could barely get her to smile. And, she even said she doesn’t even want you in the delivery room.”

Toms head snapped up at the last sentence. Wouldn’t what? He realized he had a big problem on his hands, and one that he would remedy as best he could tonight. Tom walked Sophie out just in time to see you emerge from the bedroom. You had freshened up as best you could which wasn’t hard- so much of your stuff was still at Tom’s in anticipation of coming back home as soon as the business with Michael was settled.

A smile settled over his face. It didn’t matter for a moment that he was upset with you. He was just happy you were here, and that for a moment he knew and saw with his own eyes that you, and your daughter, were safe. He extended his hand. “Come here, darling,” he beckoned sweetly.

You walked towards him and took his hand, and Tom wrapped you up around him. The two of you shared a kiss before he pulled back gently and brushed the hair out of your face. He bit his lip and decided to just dive into the matter at hand for him.

“So I just spoke with Sophie. Did you have a good day with her?” He was asking sincerely. He didn’t want to make it seem like he was attacking you.

“I did, yeah. She’s really sweet, I wish I’d met her before. It’s nice to have a…kindred spirit,” you smiled.

“She adores you too, I’m certain. She told me something though, I think we need to talk about.”

You stiffened.

Tom began slowly, “Sophie said….she said you were nervous all day today. Like you were upset at me, or you didn’t want to come home.” He paused and dipped his head to catch your eyes- you’d cut them away as you figured out what he was talking about, but he wanted to know you understood his meaning for this. “Have I done something, love? To make you think I would ever hurt you, or anything like that?”

You twisted your shoulders in an effort to move out of his grasp. Your expression twisted up- you were caught. Tom held fast, though. “Love, talk to me. What is going on with you?”

You stuttered out a string of syllables. You didn’t really have an answer. Well, you had one, but you’d never expected to have to give it to him, until finally you just spilled it. “I’m afraid of what you’ll say if something happens. Because it always does and then I’m the bad guy because I couldn’t do the one thing I was supposed to do in all this.”

His eyebrows knitted together. “What on Earth…darling, I would never EVER do anything to hurt you. Surely you would know and understand that by now. I have never once intended to hurt you in any way. And I’ve done everything I thought I could to prove that to you. Have I not?”

You paused. Once again, you didn’t have an answer. Well, you did- you just didn’t want to make yourself sound like an idiot by saying it out loud. But Tom wasn’t letting this one go. You lightly nodded, and breathed out, “Yes…you’ve done everything you’re supposed to do.” You looked up into his eyes, filled with sincerity. You didn’t realize until now how much this was hurting him, and it hit you full force. The last thing you wanted to do was hurt him, especially after he’d given you the one thing you’d wanted for so long.

“Listen to me, I’ll say it as many times as it takes to get through your stubborn head- I love you. And I will do everything in my power to keep you safe and happy and make you feel all the love I have for you. And not just you, but this little precious one as well,” Tom stated placing a hand on your stomach. “You have no idea what you two mean to me. Please, don’t continue to insult me by insinuating I would ever do anything to hurt you like that monster of an ex-husband ever did to you.”

He looked deep into your eyes and you finally started to get it. Tom would never do those things to you. He’d done everything, and was still doing everything, he could to help you forget what you had been through before. He had moved you into his home, hired the best lawyers in London to defend you against damning allegations, had gone through all kinds of medical testing to prepare to give you, both of you, a baby. And that was just since you’d been back. Old habits died hard, but now it wasn’t just you that was being affected.

You sighed deeply and relaxed your shoulders. Bringing your hands to your face, you admitted. “You’re right. It’s not fair. I’ve been awful to you, and you don’t deserve that. I can’t believe I did this to you, babe, I’m so sorry,” you uttered as you pulled him close. You couldn’t believe you’d ever felt that way around him. Tom wrapped his arms tighter around you and stroked your back.

“Darling, if we’re going to be together and raise a family together, I need you to trust me. I love you. You know that. Now just believe in it, and we’ll be fine, no matter what happens.” Tom placed a gentle kiss on the top of your head and pulled back.

“I have to insist on one thing, though. I don’t believe I’ve asked for much, but I will for this. I plan on being fully present in the room, with you, when she is born. And I think that point is not up for discussion. Like I said, I don’t want to miss a single moment of my family, and I certainly won’t miss the moment it gets bigger.” Tom’s words rang in your ear.

You blanched. “You what? No, I don’t think so, Tom. That is just-“

“What? It’s what? It’s going to be messy, and loud and what? I know this. I’ve been in the hospital when my sister had her children, and I know what it’s like. And I won’t leave you alone to all that, nurse or not.”

“Tom, you don’t understand, nothing is going to look the same when it’s happening, and it’s so clinical and I’m gonna be a mess and-“

“And what? I won’t find you beautiful anymore? I’ll be so put off by the birth of our daughter that I won’t want to be around you? I don’t think so. I will be there to watch the very moment everything happens. I’ll fight my way in if I have to, but I will be there, darling.” He was certainly standing his ground. Your mouth set in a line. This wasn’t going exactly as planned.

“This isn’t some punishment, or penance. This is a father-to-be doing exactly what he should be doing, and because he wants to. And because you deserve it. I love you, darling. I want to be there to support you through all that’s going to happen.” He took your hand and laced your fingers in his. “To be there so you can squeeze my hand until I’m afraid you’ve broken it at the first big contraction, and not say a word about it because it couldn’t possibly compare.”

You smirked. You’d seen that very scenario a few times, and it always made you laugh to watch the father shake his hand out, or ask for ice at the nurses’ station and not in front of the mother for fear of being screamed at.

“There’s a little smile, my love. I want you to know, I don’t only love you when it’s easy. I love you when it’s difficult, and when I’m scared just as much as when I’m excited and when we’re happy. And you know too well all those things will happen in the delivery room when she comes. And I would certainly start a terrible father if I was in the waiting room passing out cigars or something like it was 1952.”

It was like he had read your mind. Shit. But you knew what he was saying. It wasn’t going to be easy, and quite honestly, you expected him to change his mind. But for now, you sighed again and muttered, “All right. You’re in for quite a show.”Tom smiled gently and reached up to run a hand through your hair. “You’re an insistent bastard, you know that?” you said to him.

He laughed as you smirked again. “You’re one to talk, sweet love. I think we’ll have our hands full once our little one arrives, what with all the stubborn genes she’s getting.”

“You’re right. Bur for now I think she’s just hungry. Sophie said something about a dinner you had planned?”

“Of course. Let’s go set the table and we’ll eat.” Tom leaned to kiss you one more time before taking your hand and leading you into the dining room. If this talk was any indication, you maybe had some work to do over the next five months. You wondered if you still had Dr Edwards’ number to call this week.

You and Tom were lying on your bed in your apartment your laptop between you as you scrolled through the baby registry. Tom wasn’t being to terribly discriminating with what he added; he just picked anything and everything that was pink. “Tom!” You exclaim swatting his hands slightly, “She’s a little girl, not Barbie!”

“Yes, true. But the tradition seemed to dictate blue for boy babies, and pink for girl babies. Our daughter, is a little girl after all.” He said leaning over kissing your cheek before turning back to the computer screen.

“Puft.” You scoffed. You always hated the color pink. Even when you were a little girl. “Doesn’t mean she has to turn into the pink panther. A lot of this stuff comes in different colors. Think more like greens, and yellows and purples.”

He half smiles hearing your request as he continued to scroll through the site. “Are those the colors we’re painting the nursery?”

“Well. Not all three of them. I’m leaning towards lilac or a soothing light green. You know, feminine but not . . . Barbie’s dream house.”

Tom couldn’t help the laugh that jumped out. “If I get a vote then my preference leans to the lilac. Still feminine but not Barbie-ish.” You giggle a little leaning on his shoulder feeling a bit hungry, and a bit tired. He noticed and kissed your head before closing the laptop. “How are my girls doing, hmm?”

“Tired. Hungry. Tired of being hungry.” You say closing your eyes.

“What are you hungry for?” He questioned. “We could go out for something, I could fix something here, we could order a take away.” He listed off choices for you.

“We haven’t had Chinese for a while.” You’d actually been craving some orange chicken and chow mien since last night for some strange reason. He dips his head down and kisses your cheek, before finding your lips and kissing you again causing you to smile.

“Take away it is then. I’ll call in an order and you can rest until then. Alright?” You give a nod and he smiles before getting up from the bed and taking the laptop with him. Then he leans down and kisses your belly before he grabs his phone from the dresser off the charger and leaves the room to call so he didn’t disturb you.

It felt like you had a permanent smile on your lips and it was Tom who had placed it there. Reaching for a pillow you tuck it under your head before curling up in a ball and resting your hand on your abdomen where your daughter was growing, healthy, and safe. You move your other hand up to where you could see the promise ring Tom had given you. You hadn’t taken it off since he’d placed it there.

Tom was still holding firm on wanting to be in the room when your little girl was born, while you still maintained it wasn’t the best idea. You still had a few months to wear him down and convince him otherwise.

“Sweetheart?” You open your eyes seeing Tom who was stroking your hair leaning next to you as he knelt on the floor beside the bed. He smiles seeing you waking up, “You must have been exhausted darling, you were sleeping pretty hard.”

You yawn stretching your back a little before sitting up. “Food?”

“Just got here a few minutes ago, I set the table before coming to wake you.” Reaching over he stroked your hair a bit. You could see that there was something else in his eyes, a look of sincere worry.

“Honey.” You lean over and kiss his gently before putting your hand in his. He kissed your knuckles before holding your hand tight, “You’re becoming worse than I am.”

“I can’t help but be worried about you.” Reaching up he places his free hand over your abdomen. “About the two of you.” You smile running your fingers through his ginger hair. “I’ve never been a father before, I concerned that I’ll do something wrong or miss something important.”

“Well I’ve never been a mother before either.”

“Yes, but you’ve been in the medical field for years, whereas the best I can do I read books, perhaps ask my parents, talk to other couples who have children or are having a children. It’s like studying for a role, but one that I’ll have for the rest of my life.” This was certainly a change, his being concerned and confiding his fears in you.

“You aren’t . . .” You pause and look down at his long lovely fingers caress your abdomen with his fingertips that was just barely showing the hint of a swell. “You aren’t having . . . second thoughts about this, are you?” It would seem a bit strange as he’d had quite a while to pull out of this project before you’d gotten pregnant.

“No,” He said instantly shaking his head, “No, of course not.” He smiles kissing your hand again, “Just a bit anxious is all. I can’t wait to see her.”

His eyes sparkled as he caressed your belly a bit more. You smile resting your hand against his slightly stubbly face before placing a kiss to his warm lips. “Tom, of all the people in the world who should be a father, it’s you. I can’t imagine there’s anyone better suited for children then you are.” You cover his hand with your own holding it against you. He grins and gets up wrapping his hand around your neck pulling you into a loving kiss.

“Come on. We should have some dinner before it gets cold.” You weren’t going to argue with him there, you were starving. He helps you up from the bed as you hurry to the dining room.

“All right, here we go….see, there she is,” Dr Riggins moved out of the way of the screen and pointed to the little form shown there. Tom immediately started tearing up.

“Oh my god…that’s her,” he choked out. He processed the black-and-white outline on the screen. The way her head curved around, and how he could see her little nose already poking out. How her tiny arms curled close to her body. Tom could swear he saw little fingers, too.

You looked up at him as he wiped a tear away, and your breath caught in your throat.

“Don’t cry! I can’t handle it if you do, honey!”

“I can’t help it, darling, she’s…she’s right there, I can actually see her there,” he said in awe. Tom was silent as the happy tears welled in his eyes, holding your hand tightly. You couldn’t help but beam at him. He was finally able to make it to an appointment, and it happened to be one of the most important- the 20-week ultrasound. This was crucial to determine if there were any anomalies or anything wrong with the baby, and where the sex was finally confirmed. You held your breath while Dr Riggins moved the wand back and forth slowly to get the best picture she could, just waiting for the results.

“Is everything all right with her? Is she where she’s supposed to be, and everything?”

Dr Riggins replied slowly, “She..is…perfect, yeah. If you look here, you can see her heart, and it looks wonderful, and her kidneys and…” she continued, pointing at different spots on the screen. You were just thankful everything was exactly as it should be. It was the moment you’d be worried about, and there was nothing to fret over. The relief washed over you as you took a giant breath. Which, as it turns out, caused the baby to get suddenly active right there on the screen.

“Oh, I think she likes that, (y/n),” Dr Riggins said. “Do it again,” she prompted. You took another deep breath and watched as the baby moved around, waving her arms and kicking a little. Tom laughed out loud as the tiny blur moved. He’d never in his life felt such a pull toward something like this. All the worries he’d felt a few days before were gone now. He’d do whatever he had to do to keep this tiny thing safe and happy and warm and secure. Just as soon as she arrived, a moment he couldn’t wait to see with his own eyes.  
~*~

Sitting in Tom’s living room that evening, you held the latest pictures of your daughter, while Tom flipped casually through a name book. You both had decided you didn’t want to name her prematurely, worried that a name both of you had your heart set on wouldn’t "match" her once you saw her. But there was no harm in looking, and it helped to hold her picture to try to get a feel for it.

“What about Louisa?” Tom suggested.

You wrinkled your mouth to one side. “Hmm…she just doesn’t feel like a Louisa.”

“What about…Gemma?”

“Eh…it’s pretty, but she doesn’t feel like that, either. This is way harder than anyone ever told me it would be,” you laughed. It was a little daunting- being solely responsible for picking the name that would stay with her for her whole life. “I do like the idea of a name with the “a” at the end, though.”

“So we’re on the right track, at least,” Tom said with a smile. He continued to flip through the pages, and moved one hand to your belly. You were showing a little bit more every day, you thought. Before long, you were going to have to come clean and start telling people.

After a couple pages, Tom stopped. His eyes focused on a page, and he looked from the page to your belly, rubbing it with his thumb. You looked at him curiously.

“What is it? What did you find?” you asked.

“Um…what do you think about Phillipa?” he asked. You coked your head to the side and thought. It was a pretty name. Certainly not one you would have thought of on your own. But it was different, and you liked that.

“Hm. It is pretty. I’m not opposed to it, I actually like it,” you admitted. You placed a hand on your stomach next to Tom’s and looked down. “What do you think, little bean? Are you a Phillipa?”

“We could call her Pippa, for short. And it’s very traditional..which I’m sure you know I like,” Tom defended.

“True. She might be a Pippa, sweetie. I don’t know yet, I want to see her first to make sure. But hang on to that one, I think I like it.”

You and Tom leaned toward each other for a kiss. It was so full of love, and you were so grateful for the report from Dr Riggins earlier. So was Tom. He was thrilled to finally be there for you and to see your daughter “in action”, as it were. As the kiss gently ended, you rested your head on his shoulder, and he kissed the top of your head. Everything felt so right in that moment.

“Phillipa Hiddleston. That’s quite a mouthful,” you said playfully. “Not even including if we give her a middle name.”

“I think we should, darling. You and I both have one, shouldn’t she?”

“If you think she should, then yes. Daddy’s opinion is just as important, isn’t it?” You’d never called Tom daddy, and his heart swelled. Not only was he finally becoming a daddy, but you were the mother to his baby. The thought made him happier than anything else.

“Only as important as mummy’s opinion,” he replied with a smile.

You’d been sitting on the couch beneath a blanket reading a book and had dozed off. When the phone rang you jumped and the book fell to the floor. Shaking your head you reached over picking up the phone, “Tom?” You say softly rubbing your eyes. “Ms. Cooper? Hi. No, Tom’s out of the country until next week. He’s in California meeting with a director about his new movie. What’s up?” You listen for a moment before sitting up a bit more. “What does that mean?”

A while later you’d gone into Ms. Coopers office at her request finding that Luke Windsor, Tom’s publicist, was there as well. He smiled and greeted you as you took the seat Ms. Cooper offered you. “What’s going on? Why do I feel like I’m about to be expelled from school for vandalizing school property?”

“No, no, nothing like that.” Luke said, “Tom already knows the situation, and we’re already taking care of it. There’s nothing to worry about.”

You just stared at him for a moment, “Then why did it sound like there was something to worry about when you were on the phone?” You asked looking back to Ms. Cooper. “We knew we couldn’t hide that Tom and I were starting a family together forever. It does get a little noticeable after a while.”

There was a hesitation before Ms. Cooper handed you a file, “Your ‘missing’ medical records were just sent to the court.” Reaching out you take the file flipping through it.

A look of horror crossed your face “Who sent these?” You asked flipping through a few more pages, “I never even saw the doctor who signed these reports.” You closed the file, “This is obviously bullshit.”

“I know. We know. You’ve done everything asked by the court, you passed the psyche evaluation with flying colors, there is no reason to put any stock in any of this.” Ms. Cooper reassured you. “I have no doubt that the court will throw it out as any sort of evidence and launch an investigation into who libeled themselves by even sending it to us.”

Things fell silent as you waited to hear why you’d been called in. “Then what’s the problem?”

“The problem . . . is the social media back lash that’s going to come if these things get out.” Luke said breaking the silence. You look over at him instantly. “We’ve done everything we can to keep things, every bit of Michael’s nonsense under wraps. Something we’ve done rather successfully so far.”

“And . . . you can’t do that anymore?” You say nervously.

“Not as well as we did.” He said with a sigh, “You see, there have been rumors, and a few pictures and such about the two of you being in a relationship. But we haven’t confirmed anything, and so no one has put too much interest in you. However, you’re almost 6 months pregnant with Tom’s baby. You have a separate apartment right now but most of your things are at this house, and the instant it’s possible you’ll be living under the same roof again. Interest in you and your life is about to go through the roof.”

You close your eyes sliding back in your chair covering your face. “Nothing’s changed.” Ms. Cooper said, “We’ll still do everything we can to protect you and Mr. HIddleston’s privacy.”

“But it’s going to be much easier for Michael to smear your life, or what he wants to present as your life to anyone who will listen. There will be tabloids and gossip rags that will pay top dollar for any intimate details your Ex is willing to sell to them that might smear you or Tom in the public eye.” Luke explained.

“So what do we do?” You say looking between the two. “What’s our next step?”

There was a long silence that made your heart sink. “I know it’s private, and I don’t want to pry into you and Tom’s life,” Luke began.

“But.” Why was he drawing this out so damn long?

Luke looks at you before asking outright, “How serious are you about your relationship with Tom?”

For some reason of all the questions you were expecting, that one blindsided you completely. “What?” You look between the two in disbelief, “How can you . . . even ask me that? We’re having a baby. We’re having a daughter in less than 4 months. We’ve been looking at names, and working on the nursery, . . . Tom’s even been looking at schools even though it’s a while before she even starts preschool.”

“I understand that. But we need to know if this is a serious relationship or a fling. If you’re having any doubts at all, we need to know. Because Tom is an asset. Not just for the agency but he has standing contracts with Marvel, Disney, and several others who staunchly want their image protected. They aren’t the kind that are going to put up with a Charlie Sheen or Linsday Lohan situation.”

You shake your head looking away. “How can you even compare him to those people.” You look between the Lawyer and the PR agent, “Anyone whose worked with him, even just met him knows that he’s nothing like that.”

“Agreed, but the cold hard fact of it is that Mr. Hiddleston is in a line of work, in a career that is regrettably all image and reputation based.” Ms. Cooper added.

“Are you serious about your relationship with him?” Luke asked again.

Why did you feel like you were falling? Probably because it wasn’t just a simple question of ‘are you serious’. There were so many avenues, so many implications, so many things that were going to happen at this point. Your career was shaky at this point after everything Michael put you through, but until this point you’d kept up the illusion that you could keep any of this from touching Tom. You felt a knot in your throat as tears welled in your eyes. You stood from the chair and walked over to the window looking out for a moment.

However you knew how Tom felt about you, and you knew how both you and he loved this little life inside of you and couldn’t wait to welcome her into the world. You also knew that Tom didn’t have a lick of sense at times and could easily let passion run over reason. It was people in his life like Luke and Ms. Cooper whose job it was to look out for him and his best interests. Watching his back and seeing that nothing would blindside him. You didn’t want to cause Tom any kind of pain or grief, you never did.

“You know, after my divorce from Michael I just sort of figured that was it for me. I couldn’t have kids, and relationships . . . relationships were for naive suckers that didn’t know any better.” You half laughed remembering how things were a bit . . . turbulent with Tom when you first started seeing each other. He had to chase you relentlessly when you kept pushing him away over and over again. “Then I met Tom. To be honest, he annoyed the living hell out of me when he worked with us at the hospital. When I was told he’d be shadowing me for a week I felt like I was being punished and couldn’t have been more irritated. But despite my epic bitchiness on every level . . . Tom kept coming back for me. Like a moth to a flame.”

Another quiet moment passed before you swallowed the lump in your throat. “For some, god forsaken reason, Tom wanted me.” Your hand rested on the swell of your abdomen. “I can easily say that Tom is the best thing that ever happened in my life. I wasn’t looking for him. I didn’t . . . and don’t deserve him. But here he is. Giving me my dream.”

You clinched your jaw a moment, “I don’t know what is best for his career. I don’t . . . know what’s best for Tom’s life . . . . it’s always been so different then mine and I’ll admit I don’t really understand a lot of it. I’m just a nurse. But for my part,” You close your eyes wiping the tears from your face before you turned looking at them. “I love him. I’ve always loved him. And I will always love him. I’ll stay with him as long as he wants me. If he tells me to go, then I’ll go.” You sigh softly feeling incredibly exhausted and rested your hand to your head a moment.

Luke and Ms. Cooper weren’t really expecting any other answer but they had to hear you say it. They glanced at each other with a nod. “Then the next step is to release a statement about you, Tom and your daughter. It’ll put an end to a great deal of speculation and set the record straight.”

When you got home to your apartment, you ate the leftovers from last night’s dinner feeling absolutely ravenous, and easily going through the pint of ice cream. Of course you were concerned about this going public, but Luke said that they wouldn’t release any kind of statement until Tom got home from the states. You could only imagine the shit storm this was going to cause, and you weren’t looking forward to it.

You spent the rest of the week at Tom’s, quietly coming to terms with going public. It wasn’t like this was a total surprise for you. You’d seen it coming eventually, but it was like you never thought it would actually happen. Like it was some far-off event that neither of you would have to worry about for a long time. Being surrounded by his walls and sleeping in his bed, though, helped you keep calm about it.

Another thing that was worrying you was how close you were to your sixth month. You thought about what you had told Sophie a few weeks ago- that you’d never made it past six months. It was a date you were very anxious to surpass with your daughter. On your day off that week, you silently stirred awake, having slept in just a little bit. You turned onto your back and ran your hand gently up and down your bump. It was like you were getting bigger every day. You were glad no one was around for this next part.

“All right, little girl,” you started softly, “if you’re anything like your daddy, you are one stubborn thing. So I need you to be stubborn about staying in there for a while longer, okay? Everyone is so excited to see you, especially your daddy and me. But we’re not ready yet. So just stay where you are, and I promise when you do get here, I’ll do my best to keep Daddy from drowning you in pink lace and tulle. Got it, bean?”

She kicked in response, and you smiled wide. “Then we have a deal, baby girl. We’ll get through this, the three of us.”

Just then, your phone rang. You reached for it, confused at the name on the screen. “Tom, what are you doing? Isn’t it like, midnight in LA right now? You should be asleep.”

“I can’t help it, darling,” Tom answered with a laugh. “I miss my girls too much right now to sleep.”

“Aw, we miss you too, sweetie. How have all your meetings gone?”

“Fantastic, love, there is so much we’re getting done here. All kinds of kinks worked out, which is wonderful. And I’ve been able to catch up with Chris, too!”

“That’s great, honey, how is he?” you asked. You hadn’t seen Chris since he’d come to the hospital and spoken to Jacob. The memory panged in your heart and you took a breath to settle yourself.

“He’s great. He sends his love, and, I hope it’s all right, but…I told him.”

You bit your lip. You were nervous about letting anyone know until you had made it over your own personal “hump”, but you couldn’t be mad at Tom’s excitement. And he had every right to be- he was going to be a father.

“What did he say?”

“He is so excited for us, love. He said to call as soon as she was born, that he and Elsa can’t wait to meet her. I even showed him one of the pictures.”

“Ahh, I thought one of the pictures was missing…you sneak,” you laughed. Tom laughed too, and you could almost hear him blush over the phone.

“Well, I didn’t want to be without a picture of my girls…and I don’t have any of Phillipa on my phone, darling!”

You laughed again and said, “So you’re really liking that name?”

“I love it. The more I say it, the more it sounds like hers.”

“Okay. We made a deal this morning, me and her. She promised she would stay put until it’s time, and in return I promised to not let you drown her in lace and tulle.”

Tom laughed out loud at your story. “No! I want to wrap her in so much satin and pink, she’ll love it, I know it!”

“No way, baby, I made a deal with her! I can’t let the first thing I do as a mom be to go back on my word!”

The two of you dissolved into laughter, and you felt Phillipa moving all around. She seemed to really love when you laughed. And you would laugh all day if it made her happy.

As you calmed, Tom said to you, “Listen love, the reason I called was…I want you to be there at the airport when I come home. I want you to be the first person I see there.”

You curled your mouth to the side, thinking. This was definitely going to cause a stir on social media. And to be honest, you’d never even heard of “tumblr”, but apparently this was something that would break it…whatever the hell that meant. You were going to go public with everything anyway. It may as well be with a bang at this point, right?

“Okay. I’ll be there with Luke.” You heard him smile through the phone, and almost a giggle followed.

“Wonderful. I can’t wait to see you there, both of you.” His heart beat faster in excitement of seeing you there, even though it was a couple days away still. “We’ll go straight from the airport to Luke’s office and confirm a statement if you want, darling. I can’t wait to tell the world about us.”

“Now I know you’re crazy and tired, sweetie, haha! Go to bed, you still have meetings tomorrow, don’t you?”

“Yes…but I couldn’t sleep without hearing you first. I miss my girls, it’s not as fun without you,” Tom moaned.

“Well, it’s only for a couple more days, and then you’ll be back home to us both,” you said stroking your belly. “And I have the day off and we’ll spend it entirely in bed if you want.”

Tom lowered his voice to a growl and uttered, “Oo, do you promise, love?” It sent shivers down your spine. Nothing had deterred your passion for each other because of your pregnancy. In fact it was like it was heightened- Tom practically worshipped your body in those moments. It was so different from your others and you were so thankful. But when he was halfway around the world, you couldn’t get worked up.

“Go to bed, my love. You need all the sleep you can get this week,” you instructed. “Nurses orders.”

“Oh, all right. I can’t wait to see you soon, darling. Have a good day, I love you.”

“Sweet dreams, honey. I love you, I’ll see you soon.”

You hung the phone up and slid out of bed. If you were going to go public, you wanted to look good doing it, you decided. So you picked up the phone again and dialed Sophie’s number. After a couple rings, she picked up.

“Sophie, hi! Listen, do you want to do some shopping today?”

You sat eating lunch with Sophie at one of the favorite bistros that Tom had introduced you too. You were having a wonderful day of shopping and visiting with Sophie. You tended to live like a hermit when Tom was away and you still hadn’t gone back to work. You could have, but Tom insisted you’d take maternity leave afraid to have you around sickness and disease when you were pregnant. You might have argued, but you were just as worried about keeping the baby safe.

“These are so neat.” Sophie said looking at the newest sonograms you’d gotten at the doctors this morning. You told her that you could meet her after your appointment but she wanted to go with you. “You can almost tell her personality just by seeing her in the sonograms. And the doctor says that both you and she are in perfect health.”

“Oh I already know she’s going to be just like her daddy.” You say with a smile taking the picture back looking at it once more before putting it back in the folder. “Tom wants us to get one of those real time photos they take of the baby in the womb, but I’ve always found those amazingly creepy. We can wait until she gets here.”

“I’ve seen those things. They are a little creepy. The babies are beautiful of course, but . . . yeah I agree. The creepy factor is way up there.” You both laugh.

“How about you and Benedict? Have you found out what you’re having yet?” You ask taking a drink of your soda.

“No, we’re going to wait. At least that’s the plan. Benedict is just as excited about being a father as Tom is. I have a feeling we’ll not only find out but the world will too soon after.” Sophie said with a knowing smile shaking her head slightly. She knew her husband-to-be very well. Your smile fades a bit as you’re reminded of your impending ‘fame’ when they issued the press release. Sophie reached over putting her hand on yours. “Honey, it’s not as bad as it seems. Things will be hectic for a few weeks but his fans and the rest of the world will settle into it and it’ll go from being a shock and surprise to common place. People will wish the best for Tom and as long as he’s happy they’ll be happy for him.”

“Have things settled down like that for you and Benedict?” You question.

She smiled, “It’s much better than it was, but it will be fine. Look,” She put down her drink and covered your hand with both of hers looking at you, “If it gets to be to much just turn off your phone, keep off the Tele, don’t go on the internet and they can’t touch you. Just shut out the world and spend the time with Tom and your little girl. Then, when you have to let it in again, you’ll know that it’s all silly and what’s most important is your family.”

You smile a little and give a nod. “Tom said that he told Chris Hemsworth, and he was very excited for us.” That was a good indicator that others might feel the same way.

Sophie smiles, “See? Chris and Tom are so close, you know that he would have told Tom straight if he thought it was a bad idea or wasn’t going to work. Don’t worry. Everything is going to be fine. Try not to let yourself get so upset all the time. Gives you indigestion and that will affect her.” The check came and you started to reach for it but Sophie snatched it, “Nope. I got this one.”

“I’ll be right back.” You slip from the table taking your purse as you head to the restroom. A day out with Sophie is exactly what you needed. She was used to the media attention where you weren’t but seemed to handle it fine and take it in stride.

You stood in the mirror making sure your makeup wasn’t messed up. You were getting used to wearing makeup again. For so many years you didn’t bother except for special occasions, you were out of the habit and the practice. But you were getting the hang of it again. “Hello sweetheart.” Your eyes went wide as you turned seeing your ex standing at the door another man standing with him. He didn’t come by himself this time. “You always did look positively beautiful when you were expecting.”

“What do you want Michael.” You demand forcefully trying not to show how completely terrified you were on the outside when inside it felt like the ground was falling away from beneath your feet. “Haven’t you gotten the point yet that I don’t want to see you?”

“You know, I might have been less inclined to pay you a visit if you and your boy toy weren’t hell bent on destroying my life.” He said with a dark look.

“You’ve made me live in hell since the first day we met. Did you really think that wasn’t going to come back and bite you in the ass?” Your fingers felt your purse locating your taser.

Before something else could be said the door of the restroom opened, “Hey, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to make one more stop before we . . . .” Sophie’s arm was grabbed as she was jerked into the room the door slammed shut. Michael’s friend’s arm wrapped across her chest holding her in place.

“Sophie!” You shouted lunging towards her but Michael caught you pulling you back to him. You smack his face but he grabs you around the throat. Your hands fly up wrapping around his wrist wide eyed. “Michael, let her go she has nothing to do with this!”

“Well maybe if you behave and we have a civilized conversation, I won’t have to hurt her. Now will I.” Reaching down he snatches your bag away from you remembering last time in the alley way tossing it to the man holding Sophie. Christ, if he started knocking you or Sophie around when you two were pregnant, only God knew what sort of damage that would do.

“Fine. Just don’t hurt her.” You say through your teeth. Of course you meant Sophie, but you meant your unborn child as well.

“Obviously we can’t talk here. So let’s go little girl.” He said squeezing your throat once more causing you to choke before releasing your neck and twisting your wrist up behind your back causing you to cry out.

“Stop it! You’re hurting her!” Sophie yelled struggling against her own captor.

“She’s lucky I’ve let her talk this much after what she pulled on me last time.” He said reaching up and sliding his fingers through your hair pulling it back over your shoulder. “You really have gotten to big for your own britches.” He leans in close to your ear, “Now you’re going to behave or your friend over there is going to be the one to pay for your mistakes.”

“I’ll go with you, quietly. I’ll cooperate, if you just let her go and leave her alone.” You say quickly, you couldn’t let her get hurt.

“Puft.” He scoffed before pushing you out of the bathroom the other man following still with a tight hold on Sophie who was struggling for all she was worth. You’d intended to call attention to this when he tried to take you through the restaurant but instead he took you down the hallway and out the back door. Michael must have been getting desperate to take Sophie instead of not just walking away when he saw you weren’t alone.

Once outside you saw that he had a car waiting and a third man waiting. Oh Christ, they were planning on taking you away somewhere. Getting closer to the car you knew you had to do something to get Sophie free and out of there before they hurt her. Sophie wasn’t exactly a wilting flower herself and knew how to defend herself although she might not have had the same intensive training you did. Before he could stuff you in the backseat of the car, he let go of your wrist loosening your arm. Instantly you spun around and landed your knee directly into his femoral artery. Stunning him just long enough for you to hit him in the stomach with your elbow causing him to fall back. Launching yourself forward you used your elbow again to hit Sophie’s captor in his side knocking his wind from him, as Sophie brought her elbow around smashing him in the nose.

“Come on!” She shouts starting to run back down the street towards the crowded square. You started to run with her but Michael reached out grabbing your ankle. Sophie stopped moving as if to come back and help you but the person who was in the driver’s seat had gotten out of his car.

“NO!! Sophie! Run!!!” You roar. She hesitates a moment longer before running to get help. You turn and kick Michael in the side trying to make him let go of your foot. But before you could get loose, his buddy appeared and punched you across the face. You fall to the ground as the world twists and you fall unconscious. Stuffing you into the backseat of the car, all three men get in and speed away before Sophie could make it back with police.

You woke with a start in a bed that you knew wasn’t yours. The sheets were scratchy and the comforter didn’t smell like Tom’s cologne. Your breath came hard and fast for a few seconds before you caught it. Desperately, you tried to calm yourself and get your heart rate back down because if you didn’t it just might send you into early labor. It was still too soon, and Phillipa wasn’t ready. You took a deep slow inhale and felt her kick, like she had before. It was all you had for the moment to comfort you, but it did the job, given the circumstances. Your baby was okay- she wasn’t hurt in the fight, and Sophie had managed to get away. You could feel your heart rate slow, and your breathing came back to normal.

You surveyed your surroundings. The room was sparse- the bed you were on, and small table and a chair. Your purse sat on the table, no doubt stripped of your taser. But maybe Michael hadn’t found the false bottom on it…

It was a feature you had never told anyone about, not even Tom. You thought about what you had put in there last, and remembered it was the sticks Stephen had given you when all this got started. You slid out of the bed quietly, not wanting to let anyone know you were awake. And who knew where or who “they” were. Your hand reached out of the strap and closed around it. You picked it up carefully, not even wanting the leather to squeak against itself. You tested it for weight and breathed a silent sigh of relief. The sticks were there. You just might make it through this. You and Phillipa both.

~*~

Sophie was sitting with the Chief Superintendent of New Scotland Yard giving her statement.

“...And as he grabbed her ankle, she screamed at me to run, and I didn’t stop until I got here,” she stammered out. Her nerves were wracked as she took big gulps of air herself. At that moment, Benedict came tearing through the door.

“Ben!” she cried out. She stood quickly and all but threw herself into his arms.

“Sophie! Oh god, Sophie, are you all right?!”

“I’m fine, but they have (y/n), Ben, he’s got her somewhere and I don’t know where!”

The officer interrupted, “Ma’am, please calm down- we will find your friend, we just need your help. And so does your little one, we just need you to remain calm. I know it’s difficult, but just sit down and breathe for a moment. There’s one camera for every fifteen people in the city, we will find him.”

“Soph, sit, please,” Ben begged, and finally she did. She took a breath before continuing, telling the officer where you were when everything happened, and he immediately picked up the phone.

“Simmons, I want every camera at that intersection scanned for a 2014 black Land Rover Discovery, plate number….”

As he rattled off the plate, Sophie turned to Ben and directed, “Call Tom. Right now, don’t wait another second.” Ben pulled out his phone and dialed.

~*~

It was three in the morning in Los Angeles, far too early to be awake, even for Tom. But he jolted up when his phone rang. Doing his best to shake the sleep out of his eyes, he slid his finger across the screen.

“Ben, what the hell, I thought I told you I’m in LA this week?”

“Get on a plane now and get your arse home.”

The terror and command in his voice helped rid Tom of the last of his exhaustion.

“What’s the matter? Is it (y/n)? Is it the baby?” he begged desperately.

Benedict paused. “Yes. Michael took her, and almost took Sophie. We’re at the police station now, GET HOME.”

The blood drained from Tom’s face and he almost dropped the phone. If anything ad happened to you while he was gone, he would never forgive himself. He gulped before finally saying, “I’m leaving now,” and hung up. He threw the covers back and leapt out of bed. He could barely see in the dark, his eyes hadn’t adjusted yet. Tom couldn’t really tell what he was putting on, but it didn’t matter now. Packing wasn’t important either- everything he owned combined was worth nothing if something happened to you and Phillipa.

 

(Next Chapter -->)


	7. Code Green - Chapter 7

You sat back down on the bed. Trying to remain calm, you wondered what to do next. God knows it wasn’t above Michael to have set up traps if you left the room. As quietly as you could, you slipped your hand into your purse, tracing along the bottom looking for the latch. You smoothly popped it open, thankful the sound muffled itself. With your mouth running dry, you felt for the sticks. And there they were. The cold brushed steel was one of the best things you’d ever felt on your fingers.

You mouthed a silent prayer as you slid them out from under the other things nestled in your purse- your wallet Michael had taken the credit card and cash from, your cell phone that had no signal, and a small bag you’d tucked away from a purchase you made earlier with Sophie. It was nothing big, just a small white tile with a pink ribbon tied on it, and a “P” painted in precision scroll. It was to hang in the nursery, and you knew Tom would love the pink.

You hid the sticks under the comforter quickly and pulled the tile out of the bag. Rubbing your thumb over the cool ceramic, you felt Phillipa kick and turn a bit. You had to get out of here. Whatever it took, you had to get out for her. Nothing else mattered. And thankfully, you had what you thought were just the right tools. You cupped your belly and whispered to her.

“We’re gonna get out of here, little girl, okay? We’re gonna be just fine. Mommy is right here, and we’re gonna get out of here and go find Daddy, and we will be perfect. Just hang in for the next bit okay? Because it might not be so fun.”

You ran down the mental list of things Stephen had taught you all those months ago. Every move he showed you. You remembered how he told you to stay focused and not get ahead of yourself. Otherwise the other person could outsmart you- and that was simply not an option today. Threatening you was one thing. Putting Sophie in danger was another. And even thinking about causing harm to your daughter was enough to send you over the edge. Everything ended today. Right now.

~*~

“Sir, we’ve found the car. It was spotted heading southwest on Coleman Street,” the inspector informed the superintendent.

“Follow it, find exactly where it went! Use every resource you need!” he bellowed back. The police were somewhat familiar with the history, and were in touch with Ms Cooper already, thanks to Sophie. “We cannot lose this car, people! This man is to be assumed armed and dangerous and he has a pregnant woman with him wherever he went!”

~*~

Thank God there was no paparazzi at LAX at 3:30am. Or, at least none that recognized him in his hoodie and jeans. It was the first thing he could find to put on as he ran out the door of his hotel room. He sprinted to the ticket counter, doing his best to not draw attention to himself. He found the nearest ticket counter.

“I need to be on the next flight leaving this airport going to New York immediately, please, it’s an absolute emergency!”

The woman behind the counter jumped to attention. Her fingers flew over the keyboard looking for a flight for the harried gentleman in front of her. And just the luck— there was a flight leaving in an hour. “Sir, I have one here, but you might not make it if you have luggage, they’re starting the boarding process in just 20 minutes.”

“No, no luggage, I just need the ticket, please,” he begged, thrusting his credit card at the woman. She swiped it quickly and printed his boarding pass, and handed them both back to him. “Thank you,” he rushed out before grabbing the ticket and taking off in a sprint again towards the gate. Security was bare- and it wasn’t like he had anything on him anyway. He’d even forgotten his belt.

But he would forget everything he’d left behind if it meant being there as soon as possible. He couldn’t believe this was happening. His thoughts ran the gamut from praying and hoping you and Phillipa were all right, to not even wanting to entertain the notion that something had happened to one of you because of this sadistic bastard. Michael was hurting his family. And it was not something Tom took lightly. He swore no matter what happened, Michael would pay for every transgression against you and Phillipa if he had to do it with his own two hands.

You’d been practicing with the batons since Stephen taught you how to use them. Usually when Tom wasn’t home or around because he came in when you were working on your exercises and accidently nailed him square in the stomach that knocked his wind from him for almost two days. On the one hand, it was awesome you could use them well to defend yourself, on the other hand . . . . almost killing your boyfriend and the father of your child was probably not their intended use.

Why was Michael going to all this trouble? He had to know all the shit he did to you and was doing under the radar for so many years was going to come out sooner or later. The perfect little life he had been flaunting in front of you since he married Charlotte and had children was just window dressing. You never blamed Charlotte for any of it. She was kept so blissfully in the dark, she didn’t know what sort of monster her husband was. You didn’t want her and their children to suffer, they weren’t at fault. But Michael was dangerous. As a doctor people trusted him to take care of them when they were weak, ill, and suffering.

Sitting up on the bed you lean back against the wall your hand resting on your abdomen. Finally the door opened and Michael came in. “Oh good, you’re awake.” He said with that smile that made your skin crawl.

“What the fuck are you doing Michael?” You ask outright. “You tipped your hand already; no matter what you do to me you are done.”

“Well honey,” Ugh, he was always so damn patronizing. “Do you remember when I told you that if you ever thought you could get the upper hand on me and pay me back for whatever imagined past wrongs I may have done to you, that I would deal with you accordingly?”

“Michael, if you had just let things go instead of thinking that my relationship with Tom was your road to glory and riches, this could have all been avoided. But you’ve threatened me, you’ve attacked me, and now you’ve kidnapped me. Your life is over.” You say seriously. “The only chance you have is to let me go now.”

He laughs, “My life? You think I’m so easily undone?”

“I think you’re ill and need help.” This man had completely lost all touch with reality. “I think you’re in deeper than before. Not only will you have Tom on your ass but you attacked Sophie which is going to bring Ben into it now as well.” You shake your head a little, “You’ve backed yourself into a corner here, Michael. What do you possibly think you could get out of this?”

He cracks a smile, “How much do you think you’re worth to him?” This had to be a joke, he had to be kidding. His eyes moved to the swell of your abdomen before he waved towards it, “How much do you think that’s worth?”

“They know who you are.” You say in disbelief, “And you can’t say that you weren’t involved now, that I was making up anything, Sophie saw you.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t still get top dollar if he wants you returned safely and . . . . intact.” He said starring at your belly. God, you wish he’d stop looking at and threatening your baby.

“You have a wife and children of your own. If you don’t give a shit about me or anything else in this world, you have to care about them.” You remind him. “Go home to your family, Michael. And let me go back to mine.”

He smirked slightly before standing and walking over to the bed sitting down next to you. Instantly you scooted away from him but the bed really wasn’t that big. “You know,” He said slapping his hand down on your thigh rubbing slightly. “All of this could have been avoided if you’d just been a good girl like you were supposed to be in the beginning. All those little mishaps and misunderstandings would have never happened. But you were so damned useless . . . . you forced my hand.”

“I forced your hand?” You scoffed. “I forced your hand to inject me with experimental drugs? I forced your hand around my throat? I forced your hand to push me, while pregnant, down a flight of stairs that could have broken my neck but instead resulted in a miscarriage. You’ve got a lot of balls Michael. After everything you’ve put me through, all the damage you did, to sit here and act like it was my fault.”

Suddenly he reached out smacking you before grabbing your jaw and turning your face towards him starring into your eyes. There was that feeling inside, the one that you fought so hard to make go away. That feeling like the world was crumbling from under your feet and you were falling with nothing to hold onto. Like ice water running through your veins. You felt your baby kick deep inside of you as it seemed she could feel your fear as well. Your hand flew up and rested over your abdomen. When it was just you before, you could take it even though you shouldn’t have. But you had to protect her now, she depended on you. “You’d think that if you remember all that, you’d remember it’s not a good idea to make me angry with you. Pregnant or not.”

“What do you want from me?” You say starring into his eyes. Of course you didn’t want to provoke him; he proved already he put no value on you or your unborn child. But at the same time, you wanted to hurt him. Every time he glanced at your abdomen, every time he even breathed a word about her, you wanted to hurt him.

“You’re going to make a phone call to your boy toy. You’re going to get the money I want. Then you’re going to see that it’s delivered to me.” He said seriously. “Personally.”

You tear your face away from his hand not understanding where the loose connection in his tiny brain was. “Are you even listening to yourself? What don’t you understand? Maybe you could have gotten away with this shit if you hadn’t have made so many stop and go pathetic attempts to ruin my life before now. But they know who you are.”

“Charlotte and then kids are already gone. We needed a change of scenery anyway. As soon as I have my money in hand, I’ll join them.” He said, “It doesn’t matter if they know who I am. They won’t be able to find me, nor bring me back from where I’m going. All I need from you is your cooperation. You be a good girl and do as I say, and I’ll send you home safe and sound with your little bastard still intact.”

If he thought he could get away with this and just slip away he really was insane. Perhaps if Tom wasn’t such a high profile celebrity his little idiotic plan might have worked. But with both Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston pushing to get this guy convicted, there was no crevice he could shove himself into that will hide him from the world.

“Fine.” You breathe knowing that it will give you a little time to think. You needed to find out where you were and what kind of a layout you were dealing with if you were going to make a break for it. If there was nowhere to escape, you’d be captured again only to be ‘punished’ for trying it in the first place. You had to know where you were and who was watching you. “You have a phone?”

He smiled his eyes burning as he looked at you. There was so much hate in him when it came to you, what in the world had you done to make him so psychotically sadistic towards you.

Tom paced slightly in his living room. Benedict and Sophie had come over not wanting to leave their friend alone. Especially when Tom had been such a complete wreck since he’d gotten off the plane from the US. There were two detectives from Scotland yard there too in case anyone contacted Tom with information on your whereabouts.

“Tom.” Sophie said coming back into the living room. He looked up at her and she motioned for him to come with her. Both Tom and Benedict looked at each other before following after her. She’d found the baby’s nursery that you and Tom had been working on for the baby. “Did you guys do all this yourselves?”

Tom nodded a little sliding his hands in his pockets leaning back against the wall. “Yeah. We painted it together, but she hired an artist to draw that mural. We went with lilac since we’re having a daughter, and she hates pink with a passion.” Ben smiled looking around at the décor.

“It seems to have a Thomas Kinkaide feel to it.” Sophie said picking up one of the soft plush unicorns in the crib.

“Yes. She really likes his artwork. Which surprised me actually. You would never have suspected it was one of her favorites. But she’s . . . .” His words trail off, his eyes on the ground as he felt a twinge in his heart. Sophie and Ben looked at each other wishing there was something that could do for their friend. “She’s opened up to me so much. When we first met . . . she was so different. Extremely bitter, guarded, skeptical, pessimistic . . . but . . . I loved her from the first week I worked with her in the hospital. We fought like Punch and Judy, we were the prime subject for gossip. There was actually a ‘prank’ perpetrated by one of her co-workers. Apparently most of the hospital staff got in on it. They stuffed her locker and mine with a large variety of condoms. They continued to follow us throughout the day, falling out of patient records, in my lunch and hers.”

“That’s a bit of a juvenile thing to do.” Benedict said but he couldn’t suppress the smile finding it extremely funny. “But at least you were well stocked up for a while.”

A small smile appeared at the corner of Tom’s mouth, “Never used a single one.”

Benedict and Sophie glanced at each other with a small knowing smile. Tom fell silent lost in his memories. Wishing, and praying to God you’d be returned home safe to him. He knew that you would do everything to protect and keep Phillipa safe. You’d done everything by the book to the letter from before your daughter had been conceived, and then even more strict when you were given the news that she was on the way. A heaven sent precious gift to the two of you who wanted children so much. “She believed that her miscarriages were her fault for so long. As painful as it was, she forced herself to accept that she was never going to be a mother. That bastard did a bang up job on her when they were married. It wasn’t until I after got to know her, got some of those walls she’d built around her heart down that I truly began to see her. She was only trying to push me away because she was afraid. She didn’t want to be hurt again. The more I found out about Michael, the more I could understand why she did a complete 180. It took a long time, and quite a bit of effort for me to convince her that I wasn’t going to hurt her. That I loved her.” He looked at his hands a moment tears welling in his eyes, “That these hands would ever hurt her, they would never touch her in anger, they just wanted to protect her, always.”

Sophie put the plush animal down before walking over to Tom and taking his hands in hers. “We’ll get them back Tom. She’s a very tough woman when she has to be. You know that.” Tom gives a nod just trying to collect himself.

“I’m sorry.” He apologizes before wiping the tears from his eyes a bit embarrassed. “If she were here, she’d be telling me to ‘suck-it-up’ by now.” He half laughed.

Benedict walked closer and Sophie turned towards him just as he was wrapping his arms around her. “You’re handling this far better than I ever could, old man.” He says hugging Sophie who carried his unborn child. As you do. “If they’d have hurt her Sophie, or left a mark on her there’d be hell to pay. I’d have gone after the bastard myself and flayed him alive.

Tom smiles a little bit, “I’m so glad that you weren’t hurt, Sophie. Michael’s sadistic nature would have had no problem whatsoever ever with using you to hurt her. She’s always cared for others way more than for herself.” Tom clinched his jaw as the sadness was soon replaced by anger and rage. “If he does anything to hurt my child, then God save him. Because nobody else will.” He also knew if anything happened to the baby, it would destroy you completely. You wouldn’t recover from it.

“After everything you’ve told me about Michael and what he’s done to her, I’m about ready for a little violence here.” Ben said seriously.

Tom started to say something but then his phone started to go off. Tom took it out and quickly walked back into the other room where the detectives were. Ben and Sophie immediately followed him. Tom stood next to one of the cops who had a laptop that would help them trace your call should someone know about you or where you’re being held. They’d already hooked a relay into Tom’s phone should he be contacted.

The cop gives a nod to show that they were ready, and Tom accepts the call. “Hello?”

“Hi, Tom? It’s me.” His breathe caught in his throat hearing your voice his eyes going wide.

“Baby . . . are you alright? Did he hurt you?” He asks quickly.

“I’m okay.” You say softly. “But, apparently he did take me for an actual purpose.” You admit with disgust.

“What does the prick want?” Tom demands.

There was a long drawn out silence on the phone. You didn’t want to tell him Michael’s terms, especially as Michael was there tapping his foot and checking his watch impatiently. “He wants money.” The words roll off your tongue like a razor blade.

Tom sighed and rubbed his eyes. “I’m assuming he’s well aware that my international notoriety doesn’t exactly give him the ability to be exported into anonymity.”

Tom heard you start to speak but before you could get an entire sentence out, there was the sound of the brute smacking you for not getting right to the heart of the matter. As he’d warned you to do before you were given the phone. “Darling? What just happened? Did he strike you!?” Tom’s rage built from nothing to nightmare in just a few seconds.

There was another pause, “He wants 5 million dollars.” You sigh in embarrassment and shame to have to ask him.

Tom scoffs, “I suppose they want the money in two canvas bags and dropped off some ridiculous place?”

“Actually, robbery is a lot less hands on then it used to be.” You begin. Then there was another loud smack and shouting to get to the point. Tom’s eyes closed frustrated, scared, and angry at that sound.

He grit his teeth and took a breath, “How much does he want?” Tom asked knowing that the longer this phone call took the more of a beating you’d receive.

Tom could hear the tears in your voice, the utter humiliation of this entire thing. “5 million. As if you could afford it.” You scoff knowing that he didn’t have that kind of money. “He wants you to wire it into an offshore banking account. When it shows you paid then he’ll turn me loose.”

“Fine. I can get the money together, but I want to see you. And I want to see him before I send a brass farthing his way.” Tom said looking at the detective who was giving him a signal to draw this out longer as the phone trace was bouncing off of satellites all over the world. “Baby, how are you? How’s our daughter?”

“We’re okay, Tom.” You said trying to hide the tears and shakiness from your voice. Not wanting him to worry more then he already was. “Both of us, we’re okay.”

If only he could reach out and hold you, keep you safe, and smash that bastards face in. Michael snatched the phone away and growled, “By 9pm tomorrow night Hiddleston.” Then he hung up. Tom looked at the cop.

“Anything?” He asks.

The cop shook his head, “satellite phones are almost impossible to trace. They’re designed to lead you on a wild goose chase.”

He sighs, “I better get to work on scraping together 5 million dollars. Somehow.” Tom shook his head, “Michael isn’t going to get away with it this time.”

“You’re going to pay him?”

“Of course not. But what else was I to say without getting her hurt even worse? And this might buy us an opportunity to get her back unharmed.”

The frenzy began. Even if Tom wasn’t going to pay Michael, he had to make sure the money was there. He called his accountant, demanding every investment be pulled immediately, every stock cashed in and the money transferred to his account.

“I need it done now, do you understand?”

“Of course, sir, but these things can take time and they have to be cleared by-“

“We don’t have time! They have to be done now!” he bellowed into the phone. Sophie placed a hand on his shoulder, drawing him back down. Frustrated, Tom ran a hand through his hair. He took a breath before continuing, “I’m sorry, please forgive me. But there’s no time to lose here, I need you to deliver on this.”

“As quickly as I can, Mr Hiddleston. We’ll get our best people on this.”

“Thank you,” Tom said as he hung up the phone. Ben was on the phone as well, checking to see how much he could lend Tom. “Ben, you don’t have to do this,” he said.

“Nonsense. What sort of friend would I be if I didn’t?” he defended. It was true and Tom knew it- Ben would have done anything it took to help.

“You have no idea what it means, Ben. Truly.”

Ben took a long glance at Sophie. “I think I do, actually. There’s not a shilling on this planet that could replace her or that little baby, is there?”

Tom shook his head. He wasn’t sure if Ben was talking about Sophie or you, but it didn’t matter. That moment was about doing everything they could to get you back home.

~*~

“He’ll never give you a dime if he doesn’t know I’m okay, you know that, right?” you said seethingly to Michael. “Not a nickel, even. He doesn’t even know where we are, why would he give you anything without that?”

“Your little boy toy will give me everything I tell him to give me if he ever wants to see you or that little bastard inside you ever again,” Michael retorted, waving his hand toward your abdomen. You covered it with your hand, feeling Phillipa turn. Trying to keep calm in this situation was like drawing water from a stone, but you had to do it, for her. Just for a while longer.

“He has 24 hours to get his shit together.” With that, Michael slammed the door behind him and threw the lock. You sat down on the bed with a thud. Desperately trying to stay calm for Phillipa, you closed your eyes. You imagined what Tom was doing, hoping he wasn’t alone dealing with this. You imagined Ben there at least, and maybe even Sophie. Although the last thing she needed was this stress, what with her own pregnancy. You prayed she wasn’t hurt in the fight. Her or the baby.

You imagined your life once you got out of this- and you WOULD get out of this, you and Pippa. You would get out and go home to Tom and the three of you would never have to deal with this again. You imagined the first Spring with her, pushing her around the neighborhood in her stroller with Tom’s arm wrapped around you. You pictured her in a little Easter bonnet, the center of attention being passed around between Tom’s parents and sisters. You almost laughed out loud picturing Tom standing in the middle of the nursery at three in the morning bouncing gently at the knees to get her to go back to sleep, singing all the lullabies he could conjure up at that hour.

Phillipa kicked gently as you calmed back down. You ran a hand up and down your stomach and cooed. “It’s all right, baby, we’ll be all right. Daddy is gonna make sure we’re okay, I promise. We’re gonna see him tomorrow night, and we will never have to deal with this evil son of a bitch again. I promise.”

You swung your legs up onto the bed and slid them under the sheets. You winced when your skin came into contact with the sticks you’d hidden there a few hours ago, then made a silent prayer Michael didn’t discover them when he came into the room. You lay back on the pillows and stared at the ceiling. Trying to lull yourself to sleep, even for a moment, was all you could do while you waited. You needed your energy if you were going to be at all useful for yourself and Phillipa.

~*~

Late that night, almost midnight, Tom’s accountant called back with good news. He’d sent Ben and Sophie home because there was nothing left to do but wait. “Sir, we were able to find everything you requested. We had to pull out of several investments, but we have all the money you’ve asked for.”

Breathing a sigh of relief, Tom replied, “Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome, sir. Let us know if you need anything else.”

Tom ended the call and informed the officers still stationed in his living room of the news. “What do we do now?” he asked them.

“There’s not much we can do until he calls back. We still haven’t been able to trace the location of the call- satellite phones are designed to do just that. But we’ve dealt with situations like this before, Mr. Hiddleston. When a man is that insistent, he always calls back,” the officer explained.

Tom nodded silently, feeling helpless. He was doing everything he could to stay hopeful, though. He knew you weren’t a shrinking violet like you used to be with Michael. And he remembered the few times he’d been on the accidental receiving end of your self-defense lessons- something he was still a bit sore from when he thought about it. But hopeless and helpless were two different things. And he knew no matter how helpless he felt, he couldn’t give up hope. Not with you out there and Phillipa still all right like you said.

He meandered into the nursery again looking for comfort. Sitting down in the glider, he looked around at all the preparations you’d done- the sheets already washed and tucked around the mattress, the mobile already hung up, a whole pack of nappies in a basket on the changing table. He heard your voice in his head as he teared up, “Suck it up. We’ll be fine…all of us.”

Tom sat in the glider through the night, dozing off occasionally without realizing it. The only sound he wanted to hear was his ringtone with your voice at the other end of it.

You sit up suddenly in a cold sweat looking around. Your hand instantly goes to your belly as you sigh in relief. Being near Michael when you were pregnant like this filled you with terror. He was present for every miscarriage you had, and it was coming to light that he had caused them. You run your hand over your face and lay back down.

God, you were starving. It had been at least 4 days since he took you from the restaurant with Sophie. He’d given you food and drink but you refused it. You weren’t going to consume anything he gave you and risk your daughter’s life or health. But you felt so faint and you could feel her kick to let you know she was hungry too. You rub your belly humming a tune hoping to calm her down a little bit. “I know.” You say with a sigh.

The door opened suddenly and you sat up as Michael came in. “Come on.” He says carrying your jacket that he’d taken off you when he put you here and tosses it at you. You picked it up looking at him suspiciously. “Don’t want to be late to meet your boy toy.”

You pull your jacket on slipping your hand under the cover and slipping your batons up your sleeves where he couldn’t see. Grabbing your upper arm he jerks you to your feet and turns you around putting a hood over your head. Instantly your entire body goes ridged not being able to see. “Michael! What are you doing!” Instantly your hands fly up to pull it off but he grabs your wrists and pulls them behind your back tying them together.

“Shut up.” He growls at you. “For once in your life, shut the fuck up.”

You start to breathe faster not liking being blinded like this. You didn’t know what he was doing and you couldn’t see where you were going. That didn’t make it easy for you to protect yourself or your little one. “Stop it! I’m cooperating with you! I won’t fight you!” You twist and jump slightly starting to panic.

He grabs you by the back of the neck and jerks your head back. “I’m not going to warn you again. Shut up and hold still or I might decide your attitude needs some adjusting.” You take a breath and force yourself to hold still even though every fiber of your being was screaming out in terror. He finishes securing you before pulling you by the shoulder taking you out of the small room that had held you captive the past few days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tom paced slightly in the appointed place in the park, seeing his every breath in the cold night air. It was freezing out here. He grit his teeth at the thought that you were being kept out here so late at night in the chill. You and Phillipa should be at home, tucked into your warm bed, wrapped in blankets, safely in his arms.

“Look at that.” Tom spun around to see Michael standing holding you by the throat, a .44 magnum in his hand pointed at your head. “He actually showed up. Aren’t you the lucky one.” He said in your ear.

Tom’s heart squeezed in his chest starring at this insane mad man pointing a gun at you and his unborn daughter. “I have what you wanted.” Tom said taking his cell phone out and holding it up showing him the screen. “I’ll send it to your account as soon as you release my family.”

Michael clicked his tongue, “Send it and then I’ll let her go.” Tom didn’t respond right away and Michael jerked your head back stretching you to your toes against him. “Do it Hiddleston.” He demanded.

“No, Tom don’t . . . .” You said quickly only to have Michael squeeze your throat tight pressing the muzzle of the gun against your temple. Tears welled up in your eyes from the pain he was causing bending you back so far and now you couldn’t draw a breath. Tom started to lunge forward but stopped knowing until the bastard released you there was nothing he could do.

“Alright, ALRIGHT!!” Tom held his hands up his thumb hovering over the transfer button. He didn’t see anything else he could do and pressed send. A moment passed before Michael’s phone beeped in his pocket.

He released your neck but the gun stayed planted against your head as he took out his cell phone and looked to see that the money was in the account as he’d ordered. A smile swept his face as he slipped the phone back in his pocket and grabbed your upper arm squeezing your shoulder. “He must really love you.” He hisses in your ear his eyes staying on Tom. “I wouldn’t have paid a red cent.”

“You have what you wanted, now . . . let her go!” Tom shouted impatiently feeling as though he’d waited long enough to have you back home and away from this nut job.

“Do you think I’m stupid Hiddleston?” Michael growled.

“Extremely.” Tom said a dark look on his face unable to stop himself from saying it.

“I know you didn’t come here yourself. There’s probably cops all over this park just waiting to jump me. I know I’m not leaving here unless its in the back of a squad car.” He said jerking your arm, his fingers squeezing so tight they were causing bruises, and your hand turned white as he was cutting off the circulation. It was excruciatingly painful. “Not that they can pin anything on me, but I’m sure I’m going to be doing some time for kidnapping because of that bitch she was with when I picked her up.”

“Michael,” You breathe, “Let me go. He did what you said, he gave you your money.”

“You think you deserve this? You think you belong in a house like his? Have him take care of you? His money? His BED!” He growls. “For better or for worse. Do you remember when you said those words to me? To love, honor and obey. OBEY. And you never did.”

“Michael . . . stop this, stop this please.” You say quickly.

“I would have never divorced you, you’re the one who filed, you forced my hand. You made me let you go.” He growled. Tom’s breath became deeper as he watched. Michael’s attention had shifted from him completely, to you. His eyes were filled with hate and rage. “Paperwork means nothing. You will always be my wife.” He moved the gun down and pressed the muzzle against the swell of your belly. Your eyes went wide. “And this abomination? Is an insult to me and our wedding vows.” Tom’s eyes went wide stepping forward again but stopping not wanting him to fire and destroy his daughter, and most likely killing you as well.

“You remarried. You married Charlotte, you have children, with Charlotte.” You reminded him, tears escaping your eyes and sliding down your cheeks. “Go home to your family, and leave me in peace.” You begged.

“I didn’t ask you for much when we were married. Children. All I wanted from you was children, and you couldn’t give me a single one. You ‘lost’ them all. Every single time. Now you think to give him what you denied me? You belong to me, and so does whatever this is. To do with as I like.” As he talked, becoming more and more enraged, you twist your wrist causing a baton to fall into the palm of your hand from your sweater sleeve. “If you think I’m going to let you have the one thing you denied me, you are egregiously mistaken.”

“For Christ’s sake! If it’s blood you want then take mine!” Tom shouts. “Kill ME if that’s what you wish, but leave them alone! Get that blasted gun away from them!”

Michael’s eyes shifted to Tom with a dark look as he pressed the gun harder against you. This had to stop, this had to end right now. “You’re right.” You breathe. Michael’s brow furrows as he stares at you not certain what you were talking about. “I didn’t give you children as you wanted. I didn’t honor our vows and left you. I didn’t walk away, I ran.” You turn your head looking directly into his stunned eyes. “And I thank God every day, that I didn’t bring children into this world and give them to a sadist.”

Suddenly you jerked your arm back ramming him in the sternum as Stephen had taught you knocking his wind out causing him to cough and step back. You flick your wrist opening the baton before spinning around and smacked it as hard as you could to his throat. He wanted to cry out but couldn’t. You’d hit his throat with such forced with the baton it crushed his Adam’s Apple. You spun around again hitting him as hard as you could across his belly. The gun fell from his hand as he collapsed to the ground, and instantly Tom lunged forward kicking the gun away before Michael could grab it.

“Tom, the cops. Where are the cops?”

“They aren’t here. It’s just us. He said to come alone and I wasn’t about to risk your safety by doing otherwise.” You looked at him tears welling in your eyes again and Tom quickly hurried to you cupping your face and kissing you deeply so thankful that you were safe. “Oh darling, I feared the worst.” He said before kissing you again, then once more both of you forgetting about Michael just for a moment, until he reaches out grasping your ankle.

“NOO!” you screamed, kicking furiously trying to get Michael off you. How he was still able to reach for you was beyond you. His crushed Adam’s Apple should have cut off his air supply, the bastard. You could hear him choking trying to get a breath, tightening his grip around your ankle. What happened next was a blur and slow-motion all at once.

Tom turned and reared his leg back, then brought it swinging forward toward Michael’s stomach. You heard a crack on impact, guessing it was one of Michael’s ribs. He turned over onto this back coughing, and you saw droplets of blood spew from his mouth. His grip loosened, and you skittered back quickly. It all became too much- the scene happening now, the action you’d just taken to protect your life and your daughters’, and not having eaten anything for days. You wanted so badly to hold it together. But soon your legs came out from under you. Your knees hit the pavement and your head started to pound. Dehydration was setting in, and it wouldn’t be long until it was dangerous.

Tom saw you fall and rushed over to you, stroking your hair and trying to pull your head up.

“Darling, look at me, what’s wrong?” he asked, panicked.

“Call an ambulance, now,” you breathed. Everything started to go black as you dropped to your hands and knees. You barely heard Tom whip his phone out again and dial.

~*~

Tom struggled to hold it together himself. As the police arrived, the whole scene was laid out for them. Fortunately, the Superintendent came as soon as he heard who the victim was, you, and he shed some light for the officers.

The paramedics loaded you quickly onto a stretcher and slid you into the ambulance. Tom leapt up into the back, completely ignoring the calls for a need to make a statement. Nothing mattered but you and Phillipa to him right now.

“She’s massively dehydrated, we need to start fluids immediately!” one of them shouted as the other prepped the bag and hung it.

“Is she going to be okay?” Tom begged. The paramedics exchanged a look before answering.

“It’s too early right now, the doctors need to see her first. But tell me, what happened?”

“She was grabbed off the street four days ago almost, I have no idea what’s happened to her in that time, I’m sorry.”

The paramedic pointed to your stomach. “How far along is she?”

“Seven months last week,” Tom answered quickly.

“Shit,” the paramedic said under his breath. “Who in fuck does something like this?”

“A fucking monster,” Tom said. He bit the inside of his cheek to stem the tears burning behind his eyes. He reached for your upturned hand, the one that finally got an IV started. Mouthing a silent prayer, he squeezed it, then reached his other hand to your stomach.

~*~

At the hospital, Tom wouldn’t leave you alone in the room and held your hand like his life depended on it. Doctors and technicians scurried in and out, calling for this medicine and that test. With you still unconscious, Dr Riggins arrived close to midnight and hooked you up to several monitors, including a fetal one. She made a face as the Phillipa’s heartbeat filled the room.

“What? What is it? Is our daughter all right?”

“Her heart tones don’t sound like they did last time. I need to get an ultrasound right now to see it,” she said quickly. Dr Riggins stuck her head out from behind the curtain and called for someone to get it, and a few seconds later, a harried ultrasound tech appeared. Gloving up quickly, they propped your legs up in the stirrups and inserted the probe. Tilting it back and forth to get the best picture, she finally found it.

Tom watched her while his mouth ran dry, desperate to hear something. And after a long beat, she finally pointed to the screen.

“There it is…okay, her heart looks all right…kidneys, lungs, yes…she’s small, though. Smaller than she should be at this stage.”

“Will she be all right, though? I mean, is she too small? What should we do?” Tom stuttered. The panic was setting in again, but Dr Riggins calmed him.

“Tom, listen- she needs you to be calm right now. She’s a strong woman, and that baby has turned out to be a fighter before she ever even gets here. There’s nothing we can do right now that we’re not already doing. Just calm down.” She placed a hand on Tom’s shoulder as he looked up at her. “Let us get the results back for everything, then we’ll know what to do.” Dr Riggins turned back around to finish the exam and print the pictures. Tom squeezed your hand, willing you to do something to respond.

Finishing up, Dr Riggins passed a copy of all the pictures to Tom, then stepped quietly out of the room. He slid his large hand around the bottom of your swollen belly doing his best to stay calm. You would need him calm, he knew. But it was much easier said than done. Looking up at your still face and watching your chest rise and fall with each breath helped. You didn’t look to be in pain anymore. And then he felt a hard kick against his hand. The small laugh that escaped him couldn’t be helped. So he did the only thing he could think to do.

“Hey, little Pip. It’s Daddy. You’ve had quite an adventure, haven’t you? Well, that’s putting it lightly, I suppose. But I bet Mum has kept you safe as she could, eh? Just…just stay put for right now. Let the doctors sort everything and make sure you and Mum are all right. But don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. I’m so glad you’re all right. I don’t know what I would have done if something…” he drifted off. Just the thought that something may have happened was awful, and he pushed it away quickly. Tom leaned forward and placed a kiss at the crest of your stomach. “I love you, little one.”

~*~

A couple hours later, the cops came to take his statement. Tom signed it one handed, refusing to let you go. He laid the whole story out- how you had been harassed for months now, how Michael had even come to your apartment and attacked you. He told the cops about the attack in the alley you had committed, and that it didn’t stop Michael from trying to get you again. He had just planned better this time.

He told the cops about the demand Michael had made for your life, and what he had gone through to get everything together. When they asked why he didn’t call them for the exchange, he replied, “I couldn’t risk it. If something had happened to either of them, I’d never forgive myself.”

They left shortly after, but Tom stopped them right before they stepped out. “What’s going to happen to him now?”

The officers exchanged a look. One bit her lip while the other answered, “The perpetrator was pronounced dead at the scene. His airway was crushed, he suffocated.” The officer didn’t sound too disappointed as he delivered the news. “If you ask me, that’s probably the best thing that could have happened to him.”

Tom stayed up all night holding your hand through the rails of the bed, leaned back in the most uncomfortable chair on Earth, apparently. The hard plastic was unforgiving, and he ached from staying in one position for all those hours. But he wouldn’t leave. Not as doctors went in and out, not as technicians came and went, and not as nurses delivered different test results. One nurse came in around 3am, and keeping her voice low, told him, “This will be the hardest night, I promise. I’ve seen things like this before.”

“You have?”

“Yeah. Not quite like this, but where mum and baby are in real trouble for different reasons. If she comes through the night, they’ll both be fine, I’m sure. Both their vitals are strong. She must be a fighter, huh?”

“She is…both of them.”

The nurse patted Tom’s shoulder in comfort, then changed the fluid and injected a couple different medicines into your IV. “She shouldn’t have any pain, at least. When she wakes up, she’ll probably be groggy, so just be patient with her.”

Tom nodded. The nurse slipped out quietly, but returned a couple minutes later, carrying a paper cup filled with steaming coffee.

“You look like you could use this. You certainly look like you’re staying put for the night,” she joked. Tom couldn’t help his small smile. “You are right about that, miss. Thank you so much.”

She placed the coffee on the small bedside table and Tom began to doctor it just so. If she was right and the first night was the hardest, then you certainly were doing all right. He stroked your hand gently, wishing you awake. The night was half-over by now, and he hoped “up" was the only direction you could go.

The next afternoon your eyes open slowly before closing again. The bright lights over your head were painful. It takes you a moment to adjust to your surroundings, but then your hand immediately went to your abdomen. You were quite obviously still pregnant.

Tom had been dosing on and off in his chair until he saw her move. Instantly he stood and sat down on the bed next to her. “Darling?” He says quickly taking your hand. You smile seeing him with you.

“Tom,” Your throat was a bit dry and it was hard to speak. “Is she okay?” You asks quickly.

“Yes. Yes our daughter is safe and very well. You were dehydrated and a little malnourished when they brought you in. You were held for almost a week, and I doubt you ate or drank very much.” He explained.

“I couldn’t. After what he’s done in the past, I couldn’t bring myself to touch anything he gave me. If he would drug me, or do something horrible to Phillipa. Not after all the things he’s done in the past.” You say feeling ashamed that your daughter had to suffer because of it. “You’re sure she’s alright? They’re certain?”

Tom smiles reaching up and smoothing your hair back, “Yes. Your both going to be fine my love.” He holds your hand a little tighter lifting it and kissing your knuckle. “God, I am so thankful that you and she weren’t harmed.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The two of you sit in Ms. Cooper’s office recounting everything they had been through from beginning to end yet again. You did feel a bit of regret and shame. Not because Michael was dead, but because you killed him. In a way that he had suffered for at least a few minutes before he finally died.

“Well, I have some good news for you.” The lawyer begins. “There will be no charges against either of you. The police were well aware of the situation. Your being kidnapped and threatened, and Mr. Hiddleston being blackmailed into paying a ridiculous sum of money. Which by the way, I am happy to tell you Mr. Hiddleston, that every single cent was recovered and returned to you.” You sighed in relief to hear it. You didn’t want Tom to be forced to pay that much. It’s not like he HAD that much to pay. He’d have to do quite a few block buster movies to get that money back. “Having reviewed all the facts, they’ve declared the incident was self defense and you had no choice but to act as you did.”

Tom smiles and squeezes your hand, so incredibly thankful that you could finally put this chapter of your life behind you. You’d had enough pain and drama already to last a life time. “Can . . . I move back in with Tom now?” You ask softly.

“Of course. Since Michael is dead, none of this will go to court. We don’t have to rely on a jury’s sympathy to get justice. With that over and done with, you’re free to live wherever you please, with whom ever you please.” You give another nod having felt somewhat numb since that night. Ms. Cooper stands and offers her hand to Tom. He shook it, before she turned to you and shook your hand as well. Both of you stand and turn to leave as she walks you to the door. “Now you can concentrate on what’s most important. Your little one.”

“Absolutely. We still have a few things to do to prepare for her arrival.” Tom said with a grin.

Tom opens the door but you stop a moment, “His wife and children.” You turn and look towards her, “What’s going to happen to them?”

“I think they will be alright. A surgeon, he had a considerably generous life insurance policy. A bit over 500,000 I believe. If you like we could sue for pain and suffering that was inflicted on you.” She suggested.

You shook your head, “No. Neither Charlotte nor her children were responsible for any of this. Suing them now would simply cause more pain, and punishes no one but them.”

Ms. Cooper gives an understanding nod before you and Tom exit her office.

Once back down in the parking garage, Tom wraps his arms around your waist and picks you up spinning around before holding you close, so thankful to have you in his arms once again. “I was so very worried I would never be able to hold you again. Michael really had lost his mind near the end. He died far too quickly for what he’s done.” You give a small nod and smile softly. Tom cocks his head looking at you. “What’s troubling you?”

You take a breath before sighing, “I know that he was a complete psychotic asshole, but . . . I still killed someone. I just . . . I don’t know how I feel.”

He slid his fingers through her hair seeing the few bruises where Michael continually struck you. It still made him angry that anyone would dare lay a hand on you. Or threatened the life of his daughter. “I know sweetheart.” He says resting his forehead to yours as you both close your eyes. “But it truly was self defense. You’re going to be a mother soon. The mother of my child. I don’t think I could ever let you out of my sight with that bastard roaming free in this world. He had a tendency to show up at the worst times and didn’t leave without hurting you in some way. You did it for our child. To keep her safe.”

You couldn’t argue that point because it was exactly that. The thought of Michael hurting your little girl had kept you awake a few times in the past year. But even knowing all this, you still felt ashamed for what you’d done. Tom holds you closer and kisses you gently before looking into your eyes, “It’ll past in time my love. Just remember,” He reached down and gently held his hand over your abdomen, “You did it for her.”

He takes your hand and you go to his jaguar as you head back to your apartment, to gather the few things you had so you and Tom could live together again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sit quietly looking between the clock and the screen of your laptop. Tom and Luke released the announcement of you and Tom being together and expecting your first child. You didn’t know how people were going to react and you could hardly breathe waiting for the fallout.

Tom comes in seeing you sitting on the bed with your laptop just starring at it. Tom walks to you, “Darling, don’t worry about that.” He says closing the laptop and sitting down next to her. “It will take a while but on the whole, I believe that my fans will be happy for me that I found that someone I’d always hoped for. Of course there will be a few who will become angry and a few of them depressed, but that’s normal. It’ll level off in a few weeks while the worlds as time to adjust. So,” He kisses your lips, “Don’t go on social media websites for a while. There will be those who say negative and mean things, and I don’t want you drowning in them. You and Phillipa can rest and recover from everything. But don’t worry about what the masses may or may not say. None of it matters, because I’m with you. The love of my life. And our little girl.”

You give a nod having been waiting, completely terrified of what was posted on the internet and media outlets. But Tom’s smile always seemed to melt your worries away. You trusted that he knew what he was doing, and if he said not to worry about his hoards of fans, then you won’t. The important thing was that you were a family now. And as Ms. Cooper said, you needed to concentrate on your little one now. Something you were going to do to see she had everything she could want or need.

You ran down the checklist one final time before leaving the house. There was so much to be done, and you were worried it wouldn’t all get finished before it was time. Tom walked into the nursery finding you standing in the middle of the room, deep in thought.

“Darling, what is it?”

“I’m worried something is missing…but I can’t figure out what.”

Tom laughed lightly and came toward you. “Love, what could she possibly need? There are more books in here than she’ll ever read, more toys than she’ll ever be able to play with, and you couldn’t fit a single extra stuffed animal in here if you tried! She’s got everything she’ll need.”

He wrapped his arms around you from the side and rested one hand on your swollen belly. “She also has two parents who love her more than anything else in this whole world,” he whispered. It made you grin, and you laced his fingers with yours.

“That’s very true. I know I’ve been around babies for the last ten years and I should know what they need, but it just feels so different with her. I just want to make sure everything is right, you know?”

“I do know. But we’ll figure it out together, and everything will be fine. Now come on, Ben and Soph are waiting for us at the restaurant. We’ve got to go.” Tom dropped his arms, but kept his hand in yours and tugged gently at you to hurry out the front door. You nabbed your jacket before walking out into the cold night air and hugged it around your shoulders.

Fort the first time in years, you felt light. There was no feeling of foreboding around you; you didn’t feel like you were being watched or you had to be careful where you stepped. Michael was gone, and you would never have to worry about him again. The accusations he had made against you were all coming undone as more and more evidence came to light. You still felt so conflicted about what you had done. You killed him. It was simple as that. It wasn’t something you were proud of, or had any intention to spread around word, but to know you had finally taken back control from the monster who tried to end your life as you knew it was a feeling you couldn’t deny was fantastic. You wished it didn’t have to end that way, though. But there was nothing else that could be done about it. So you accepted it as much as you could.

The feeling of being so close to the man you loved and the father of your soon-to-arrive daughter was incredible. You watched him drive through London on the way to dinner. It was wonderful to watch him maneuver through traffic. You reached up and ran your fingers through his hair, watching him smile.

“Darling, if you keep doing that, we won’t make it to dinner,” Tom moaned to you. He leaned his head back into your hand as you massaged it, then moved down to his neck. Just to feel him under your fingers was something you loved and missed.

Dinner passed quickly with your friends. You and Sophie had made such a bond over the whole experience, that you counted it as the only good thing to come out of the bad. You talked over dinner over all sorts of “Mom” things.

“We’ve got to organize a weekly playdate, wouldn’t you say?” she asked you.

“Absolutely. I’ll need the opportunity to get out of the house before I go stir-crazy!” you laughed. Sophie laughed with you, then followed up, “So you’re not going back to work, then?”

You shook your head. “Not too soon, no. Phillipa may be my only one, and I don’t want to miss a thing with her. Tom and I talked about it, and he’s all for it. Besides, the break will be so nice, I’ll only have to worry about the two of them and getting them taken care of.”

Tom overheard you, and slipped his hand into yours under the table. You turned to him with a smile to see him beaming at you. You were so happy he was supporting your decision to stay home for a while. He also agreed to take some time off after his current project, and you couldn’t wait to be with him in that time.

“How much longer do you have?” Ben asked across the table.

“Only two and a half weeks now. And really, once you get to this point, she could come any day now. It’s just a waiting game now,” you replied.

“I can’t wait to see her, I’m sure she’ll be gorgeous,” he said. You blushed. Tom leaned toward Ben and put his other hand on his shoulder.

“Thank you, Ben. I’m sure she will be too. As long as she looks like her mother, she’ll be perfect.”

“Right, because you’re such a terrible looker yourself, Tom,” you said with a smirk. The table burst into laughter at your comment. You couldn’t stop the smile on your face. As you looked around you, you felt such happiness. Your life was finally back to “normal”. As normal as you could expect, at least. Even the comments posted in online articles about you and Tom were positive. He was right- his fans were happy for him because he was happy. And you were able to make that happen for him, you and Phillipa. And you only had to wait a couple more weeks, if that long, to make your biggest dream a reality. Even after everything that had happened, you and Phillipa both were safe and healthy. What more could you ask for?

“Darling,” Tom began giving you a look, “Are we really still arguing over this? I want to be there for the birth of my daughter.”

“And you will be. In the next room. Watching TV and drinking coffee.” You reply.

“Come on, you’re acting like this is the 1950’s. I want to be there, in the room, by your side to support you sweetheart.” Tom reaches up and caresses your cheek gently.

“Tom.” You begin with a sigh covering his hand with yours holding it to your face, “I’ve assisted on so many births. Not all of them went well, and the template of an ‘easy’ delivery is still pretty horrific. There’s blood, there’s screaming, there’s just . . .” You shake your head, “You think you want to see it, but it’s not as ‘beautiful’ as people say it is.”

Tom cocks his head looking at you curiously, “Are you afraid that I won’t want to be with you anymore? If I see your giving life to our little one, I won’t want to have sex with you ever again? Is that your fear?”

He sort of hit the nail squarely on the head with that. Seeing a small human emerge from between a woman’s legs wasn’t exactly an aphrodisiac. “Tom I don’t want you to see me like that. I really don’t.”

“But I don’t want you to go through this alone.” He kisses your forehead drawing you into his arms hugging you tight against his breast. “I want to be there, I want to be holding your hand, I want to be one of the first faces our daughter sees when she enters this world and begins her life. I want us to welcome her together.”

You close your eyes and hug him back. More than 8 months you’ve been having this argument. Tom wanting to be there, your wanting him to stay in the waiting room until both you and Phillipa were cleaned up from the carnage. He didn’t understand how much blood was involved. You didn’t intend to scream but if it hurt bad enough, which it would, you wouldn’t be able to help it. It seemed like neither of you were going to budge an inch and were going to have to compromise. “If you’re in the room . . . do you absolutely promise to stay on the proper side of the tent? Holding my hand and not looking over the barrier that conceals everything?”

His eyes lit up, ”Really? You’ll let me be in the room?” He questioned a sparkle in his eyes. “Yes, yes of course darling. As long as I can hold your hand and can encourage you.” He swore. A grin swept his face, beyond ecstatic hardly able to wait now. He kisses you once, then again, then a third time before embracing you tight against him. Truth be told, he was about to concede the fight, not wanting to upset you when you were so close to giving birth. And if you truly didn’t want him in the room, he would respect your wishes.

“I mean it. You have to stay with my upper half Thomas. Promise me. Please?” You ask sincerely.

“I swear it darling. With every fiber of my being.” He says with a smile kissing you again. “I know you’re worried that I won’t want you to share my bed if I was to witness you brining our daughter into this world . . . but you couldn’t be more wrong my love.” Tom rests his hand on the large swell of your abdomen a moment before he felt a powerful kick against his palm causing him to laugh and smile. “You are the woman I love, carrying the child we conceived together in love. You’re stuck with me now. No matter what. I could never leave you, never let you go, ever in a billion years.” He kisses you again before resting his forehead to yours just cherishing holding you and Phillipa in his arms, his family. The two girls that meant more to him in this world then life itself. He smiled loving having you in his arms. Finally that nightmare chapter of your life was over, and you never had to worry about Michael again. You were safe, and Phillipa was safe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tom picked up his phone when it started to ring. He’d gone in to see Luke about a few projects that were coming his way that were on track to be massive hits. The bigger the blockbuster, the bigger the paycheck, and the more notoriety. He didn’t want you to have to go back to work at any point, so the more money he received for his acting, the better. He smiled hearing your ring tone, “Hello darling. Luke and I were just going out to lunch before we finish up things here. I’ll be home before 5pm for certain.”

“You might actually want to get in the car and come home now, Tom.” You say trying to stay calm.

The smile fled from his face, “Why? What’s wrong?”

“My water just broke . . . and um . . . Phillipa has decided she’s ready to arrive.” Tom froze in place starring wide eyed at nothing. It’s like his brain had shut off completely and time froze. “Hello?” You say not certain if the phone went dead.

Suddenly things came flooding back and time sped up, “Okay, alright I’m on my way home, right now. Do you have everything? Are you ready?” He asked quickly not even saying goodbye to Luke as he turned and dashed out the door and down the hallway.

“No, meet me at the hospital. I’m pulling into the parking lot right now.” You say quickly.

“What!?! You drove yourself!?! He said in astonishment.

“I’m pregnant not disabled Tom. I’m a nurse remember? The faster one gets to the hospital once their water breaks, the less chance there is of complications or dangers.” You explain.

“Okay, Okay . . .” Pushing through the elevator doors as they opened in the basement he ran for his jag quickly retrieving his keys from his pocket. “I’ll be there in less than 10 minutes. 5 if I have anything to say about it.”

You pull your car up in front of the emergency entrance. “Drive careful please? I’m at the hospital now, I’m fine, I’m safe . . . . please don’t be a dumb ass and get yourself killed before you have a chance to meet our daughter.” You say seriously.

Tom jumps in the car, “Alright love, I’ll be there as quickly as I can. Darling?” He says before he hangs up. “I love you. So very much.”

You smile a little, “I love you too.” Hanging up you get out of your car your hand on your abdomen. You'd called ahead on the way to the hospital and there were nurses waiting for you with a gurney at the front entrance.

Tom almost beat you to the room having raced across town to get to the hospital. He slung the door open to your room just as you were getting settled in the bed.

"Darling! Darling, are you all right? Did I miss anything? Do you-"

"Tom, stop! Just calm down, okay? Nothing has happened yet, and it may not for a bit. It all depends on her now," you explained, laughing at him a little. His nerves were sufficiently rattled, while yours were still calm.

There was nothing you actually could do- it was a game of Hurry Up And Wait now. Tom came to kneel in front of you as you sat on the side of the bed. He took your hands and looked up at you. You could tell he was worried.

"Sweetie, don't freak out on me now. We've made it this far. And by all accounts, Phillipa is fine. We just have to wait for her to make her appearance," you calmed him.

Tom smiled and kissed your hands, then moved to your belly. He stroked down one side and kissed the top, then started to speak.

"Phillipa, sweet girl, me and mummy are ready whenever you are. I know it's comfortable in there, but we are dying to see you. Please hurry up out of there, little princess."

You smiled as he finished his sweet speech, but it didn't last long. A massive wave of pain swept you, unlike anything you'd ever felt. A contraction. You doubled overall squeezed Tom's hand as hard as you could to keep from screaming. Fortunately, he'd read all the books and knew what to do. You could barely hear him tell you to breathe as he squeezed back and held you up.

"In and out, darling, in and out, you can do this," he chanted to you. After a minute the pain subsided and you relaxed as much as you could. This was not going to be easy.

~*~

It felt like an eternity later, but it was only hours. Your hair held back, your feet in stirrups, and Tom keeping his promise to stay right beside you, it was finally zero hour.

Dr Riggins took her place between your legs and instructed you in your next move.

"Okay, you're ready. We need you to push, (y/n)."

You took a breath and laced your fingers with Tom's as the nurse started her count backwards from ten. Tom did everything to encourage you while you bore down as best you could.

"Five more seconds, you're almost there, two, and one. Amazing darling, I'm so proud of you," he whispered in your ear. At the end of the countdown, you fell back against the bed wanting to cry.

"Oh my god, please just let her get here, I can't do this much longer," you exclaimed.

"You're doing fantastic, (y/n), she's almost there! Just a couple more big pushes and we'll be good, okay?" Dr Riggins told you. You groaned at the news.

"Darling, look at me," Tom said. You turned your eyes. "You are doing amazing, our daughter is almost here, you can do this, I promise."

You nodded and took another breath. The nurse counted down from ten again as you pushed hard, Tom saying softly in your ear, "You can do this, you're doing amazing!"

Falling back on the bed again, you knew you didn't have long to go now.

"All we need is one more and that's it, okay?"

You nodded and squeezed Tom's hand for the last time, and pushed, hearing him coach you one last time. You felt something slip out finally, and slammed back against the bed, trying to catch your breath. And the. You heard the sweetest sound you'd ever heard.

It was her cry. Your daughters' cry. It filled the room, and you thought you would never hear anything more beautiful in your whole life. You watched as the nurses carried her to the warmer quickly and cleaned her off, then swaddled her up.

"Please, let me hold her, I need her," you begged, reaching for her. The nurse turned and headed toward you, the tiny bundle wrapped up tight. She placed her in your arms and you hugged her tight. Tom sank to the bed, taking in the sight. The woman he loved most in the world holding their daughter. His vision blurred as he smiled, the tears streaming down his face. He reached forward to cup Phillipa's head and you leaned back against him.

She was finally here. After all your years of practically self-imposed torture, and believing you were never meant for this, the thing you wanted most in the whole world was finally here. Nothing else mattered in this moment. This was your dream come true.

You looked up to Tom and saw him a happy mess. He was beside himself. He could hardly believe it either, it seemed. He kissed your temple and said through his tears, "I love you so much, you have no idea."

He wiped away your own happy tears before you responded, "I absolutely do."

~*~

The nurses cleaned you up and everything settled, but you refused to let Phillipa go to anyone but Tom. You watched him hold her close, his hands able to support her entirely. She was small like Dr Riggins had thought, but she was healthy. Nothing else had been affected by your week of Hell. And Phillipa would never know a world with that monster in it.

Exhausted, you relaxed into the bed watching Tom hold Phillipa against his bare chest. Skin-to-Skin contact was crucial, one of the nurses told you, and Tom was willing to do whatever it took for his daughter. He'd pulled the blanket up close around the two of them and you watched as he gently stroked her skin and kissed her tiny fingers. Phillipa made little murmurs and coos.

"She likes that," you said.

Tom turned to you with a smile. "You think so?" You nodded. "Good. I like to do it. So she'll be getting it a lot," he stated. You smiled at him again.

"Darling, you're completely worn out. You rest, while I take care of her, okay?"

You couldn't resist. You were half there already, so you closed your eyes and drifted off to Phillipa's little coos.

Tom continued to softly stroke her skin, and placed gentle kisses wherever he could reach. His dream had finally come true. He was a daddy. You'd done that for him. He could never repay you or thank you enough for what you had given him. For years, he'd watched his sister and brother-in-law with their children, and hoped to have some of his own to love and raise like they did. And it finally happened.

And she was beautiful. A head with wheat blonde locks already, and big blue eyes. She had your nose, and a precious little freckle on the top of her shoulder. Tom committed everything to memory as he lay on the cot beside you- the hospital bed was far too small for the both of you. He lay still as the motion of his breathing put Phillipa to sleep, and he kept watch over her and you.

 

~The End~


End file.
